Monday, August 13, 2012

Let there be light...

Our 'rebels without a cause' promised us 10,000 MW and then the Eh-Maaleys went ahead and promised us a double-espresso shot of 20,000 MW kyaaruh! We have to give it up for our comrades... thank God... they haven't promised us a Nepali comrade on Mars yet.

Our crown prince Prakash Dahal has already climbed Everest. Maybe the Emperor should plan a Mars mission for his polygamist prince! We are not asking for free lunch, money or gaadis! We just want paani, batti and sasto chaamal and tarkaari!

Our great nation is now on the bottom of the list when it comes to harnessing them hydropower potential rey. We have to thank some of them African nations for their never-ending civil wars and what not.. or else we might have been listed as the poorest country in the world hola!

Anyways, hamro potential chahi 43,000 MW and so far we have managed to exploit only 1.5% rey... while our netas from the Mandaleys to Morons to Maoists have managed to exploit 99% of them people. 1% tuh afnai manchey ho... loot-nu lootya chan hagi bhaatey haroo lay!

We have like 659 MW and the demand is around 1,000 MW kyaaruh! Bangladesh ko potential chahi less than 760 MW and they already have like ... installed capacity of 230 MW rey... that's like 30%. If Nepal had managed to harness 30% then we would have around 12,000 MW today.

We would be selling 11,000 MW to our chimekis hola. I think we would be paying like Rs 100 a month for 24-ghantey batti. We would probably be making a few billion dollars a year too .. and we would not be paying taxes at all. Sabai desh chalau-ney paisa hydro sydro batuh cover hoon-thyo ki?

Bhutan ma tuh jhan babaal rahecha. 24,000 MW ma 1,500 MW tuh nikaaley chan ni. How come Bhutan has more MW than us? Yo sabai Complan ko kaamal hola ni!

We make fun of the Wangchuks and say 'Ye.. tini haroo tuh Desi haroo ko slave hoon ni!' ... and we seem to forget that our netas have their own 'secret' arse-kissing deals with the Desis! Our comrades talk about how patriotic they are yeha chai... and when they are in Delhi...  they are busy kissing them RAW agents haroo ko hairy arse (with due respect to Anil Kapoor dai... Sonam is hot hagi!)

I think it's about tyam .. we give all them hydropower projects to them Norwegians. After all they have already given us hundreds of millions of dollars for our so-called peacebuilding nataks. They too want a piece of them hydropower stuff ni.

Instead of trying to make our dumpling and dosa gangs happy... let's just give it to the kuireys.... jay bhaye pani... they will go to war if our chimekis try to screw up their 100 billion dollar investment in them hydropower projects in Nepal ni. 

Our private power developers tell me that it costs around US$ 1.5 million for them 1 MW rey. So we need like 60 billion US$ for them 40,000 MW ... hami sangaw tuh paisa chaina. The only guy who is loaded is our Emperor .. aroo sabai tuh badaam soontala khaako matrai ho kya!

The only folks who have tons of cash chahi.... Apple wallahs and Berkshire Hathaway and Bill Gates daaju. Maybe someone should call Warren Buffet and have him over for a Newari khaaja! The guy likes his beef rare.... we can ask him to try out buff instead!

We could ask Carlos Slim but if he comes to Nepal then he might charge us Rs 25 per SMS and you need to pay like a month's salary to make a call hola!

Apple has like 80 billion cash... I think we should go for a merger baroo... Nepal+Apple = Nepple... and we will all be Neppleys (Nape-Layz!)... okay, wrong joke.. don't want to piss off our patriotic crowd feri!

If Apple decided to move into them hydropower business then it would be pretty cool hola. We will have iShower, iDhaara, iBatti... or if nothing works than iBhatti will do for our MaPaSe crowd!

Aroo desh ka neta haroo worry about jobs for their jantas... our netas only worry about their chamchas while the common citizens suffer more and more! Everything comes with strings attached ni. If them kuireys want to invest in them hydro stuff then of course they would want to make some profit hoinuh ruh!

If we start all them hydro projects simultaneously .. then we will have jobs for like half a million people rey. They will probably get paid more than our government ko minimum wage of Rs 4,600... baroo uni haroo batuh pani taxes liney ni!

I really don't care if it's them Indian or Chinese or Kuirey companies... let them do their jobs. If they want to invest a billion or two then our government should protect their investments ni. 

I think the Bhotekoshi project chahi ... should be scrapped. Yeso ali ali khola naala tuh rafting lai pani rakhnoo paryo ni daka haroo ho! I still think we should just use our paani for rafting, fishing and what not... baroo let's go nookie... I mean ... nuclear! 

The French are good at them nuke stuff kyaaruh. Our netas should seriously think about it. We won't be screwing up them eco-system ki kay bhancha ni!

The jantas won't even notice that we are building them nuclear power plant in the middle of Singha Durbar as long as we invite Zidane to play for Manang Marsyangdi.. hehe! Yes, he's a grumpy old man but he can still head-butt you and destroy your brains... I want to see him do some head-banging with our Emperor! Ani buddhi aucha-ki hamro Shree Aath Sarkar ko?

And for the other party crowd... David Guetta can do a year-long tour across the country nai. Abuh aroo ko baaki cha? Asterix and Obelix? Carla Bruni pani baaki cha... and she might also get the MahaUjjwal Rastradeep medal if she comes to Nepal like that Saudi prince bin Talal ho ki dalal?

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