Monday, July 30, 2012

The Desi Connection

The Indian gurujis are now talking about our great comrades. According to them Desi master-sahebs, our great Emperor and Dr. Saheb had signed them written agreements with their masters in Delhi back in 2002 rey. Yes, our great 'changemakers' promised not to go 'anti-Indian' and the Desis decided to let them have some free roti and daal while they hung out in Noida.

So all this 'anti-Indian' nataks was just to fool the hardworking Nepalis hola ni. Whatever happened to the Maoists haroo ko 40-point demand? They wanted to ban them Hindi movies, kick out all them Desi companies from Nepal etiyaadi. Yes, ban all them Bollywood nataks and maybe ask them QFX wallahs to screen only European movies! And instead of Dabur (@#$! Chawanpras) and ITC (Surya Churot hoinuh Yak banaam baroo!) making tons of money, we should probably invite everyone else except the dosa and dumpling gangs.

Yes, I do love them Bollywood 'masala' movies and hot pot places in Thamel are pretty good but if we can ban all Chindia investors then we won't have to worry about pissing off these two so-called superpowers. Them Vikings are giving us millions of dollars for them peacebuilding nataks and of course someday... they really want to make some money from our paani. Baroo uni haroo lai nai dim nuh sabai hydropower banau-ney kaam! Let them Scandinavians make billions or trillions and we can all get batti for free. 

Dr. Saheb tells our patrakars that he doesn't want to be another 'Janga Bahadur'.  We know that Mr. Smarty Pant! But maybe he should pass another ordinance hola. How about some kind of 'PhD only' law ani only Dr. Sahebs can be Prime Monsters or something! I think that would probably disqualify all of us hola.

We will have a new CA again unless Gyanu Uncle smokes some hash and decides to hang out with Baidya and start another so-called jungle book story! I hope our so-called civil society wallahs will not only stop at getting back them government vehicles from our VVIPs. I think our so-called buddhi-jivis should also demand some kind of a term limit for our politicians.

I think we should have them age ceiling pani. Our incompetent civil sevants (masters!) have to retire at 58 or 30 years of service.... jun chahi pahila huncha kyaaruh. I think we should have the same thing for our so-called chor netas pani. Either you get out of politics by 58 or if you were smart enough to be a party member at the age of 14 then you better hurry up and be a mantri before 44 or your time is up kya!

And when it comes to our mantris and pradhan-mantris .. we should have a two-term limit. It doesn't matter if our stupid clowns get them  majority or join the looting bandwagon by forming them coalition governments. If we had term limits then Govinda Raj Joshi would not have become mantri seven times and made like 70 croroes. The court has sentenced him to 18 months in jail ani 3-4 karod ko fine. Sabai paisa tuh usko choro lay Amrika ma rakhya chan. Yes, ask all our Nepali friends in Denver... they will tell you them stories ni!

Term limit bhandai ma 10 years matra hoinuh hai. You can only be a mantri or a pradhan mantri twice. So if you are Makune then he's already been a Prime Monster once (lucky bastard!) and now if he again becomes a PM again and only serves for a month or two then his tyam is up kya. But of course, we will have a new CA elections and a new CA gang. So everything before that will be void hola ni.

I think our caretaker government should scrap all them state facilities thing. If we are going to have a new CA then let's give them state perks only after the CA finishes writing the so-called constitution. Tyes pachi, we will have a 'real' government after the general elections ni. Ani balla... we give them benefits to hoonay-wallah VIPs ni.

If folks like Lokendra Bahadur Chand, Surya Bahadur Thapa and even Sheroo Jadiya gets to ride around town in them SUVs and free bhatta, security and what not then Marich Man Singh should get a helicopter nai hola. Where is Marich Man these days? I hear he has gai bhaisis in the middle of Kathmandu nai. Raja ko pala ma tuh weekly chiya guff ko laagi Palace tiruh laag-they.... maybe he should open a dairy farm or something. Doodh ko naam nai 'Ma Rich Man' .... 

Dr. Saheb is pissing us off now. The Madeshi netas wanted Mr. Jha to be the Chief Secretary.... the top taukey of all our ghoos-khori hakims and peons! But Babu went with Leela Mani Poudel. I was rooting for Brinda Hada... she would have been the first woman Bada Hakim ni! Khoi.... I used to like Babu dai but aaj kal tuh .... khoi... afai lai laaj laagcha usko goon-gaan gau-nuh!

And where the hell is our crown prince .... Prakashey Dhaley the 'red' Bhaaley! Come back home... Little Prince. We need you... and your Facebook updates pani! Instead of hanging out in India ... baroo go to Singapore. They have two new casinos there... maybe you can ask them if they want some of your money pani. According to my KGB (Kukhurchor Guptachar Bivag) sources, Prachanda has more than 87 million Amriki dollars in Indian banks rey. Lau.... jamma tyeti matruh rahecha sarkar ko! 

Baaki Paisa khoi? Ask that pahila ko raja ko jwai ko chela, Ajay Sumargi. The lad from Hetauda has made it big hagi. So if you want to be a billionaire (Nepali Rupaiya maa!) then don't think about starting a IT company or investing in them hydro projects. Hang out with the thulo mancheys and make a few deals with shady bideshis and bring them together and start a new telecom or maybe a nuclear reactor (someday) and then get your cut hai.

The only way we can scare them Desis and Uncle Lee haroo chahi... ask the Frenchies to help us start a nuclear thing here in Nepal. No, we are not bombing Delhi anytime soon. Let's leave that to Baidya uncle and his gulelis. We need some batti... and forget our paani. We need it for them rafting safting ni! And the Frenchies can give us a nuclear bomb or two to scare the Chindians pani. We can put one of them nukes on top of Dharahara.. arko chahi.. I don't know.... ghantaghar?


  1. I thought you stopped writing blogs when NN (not to be confused with Nepalnews) site collapsed; Then I saw those articles in TKP and Republica and thought it might be you again writing. I am glad that you are still writing and still have that knack which makes me chuckle in otherwise loadshedded life in Nepal. Hope all is well with ya.

  2. i have bookmark ur blog n i do check it daily...feels excited,revolutionary...n then again sad reading ur blog....

  3. @ Juggy.... thanks ... yes still writing jpt hehe!

    @ r-@-?-u : Thanks for the bookmarking stuff... don't be sad... be bad ... bhanchan ni.. haha!