Monday, July 2, 2012

The Religious Right-Wing

Gyanu Uncle is once again out on them 'religious' visits across the country. I think he has enough frequent flyer miles from Buddha Air .... to get them free tickets hagi! Anyways, G-man is now in Bhairahawa, visiting them temples and hanging out with the masses. Well, that's what our media wallahs are writing kyaaruh!

It's very very garmi in Tarai... but our Raja-baadis don't care about sunburn. I think they must have stocked up on them Sun Tan lotions hola! Or maybe they just want to get some (over)dose of them ultra-violet rays!

If Gyanu Uncle really wants to make a comeback then he needs to spend a whole lot more dinero kya. Just booking them plane tickets online and calling up the local 'star' hotel for a night stay is not enough ni. How about hosting your own talk show program @ Kantipur TV?

Yes, instead of that 'Call Kantipur' ki kay bhancha..... Uncle should host his own show ... 'Gyanu ko Gyan' or something like that. Raja-baadis can call him live and they can shout 'Raja Aaa-woo Desh Bacha-woo' and he can spend the whole tyam ... saying 'Huss' and 'Huncha' hehe!

Or maybe his men can recruit them folks in their own 'army' and then promise them that one day, they too will be integrated into the national army. If not, they too will one day get them voluntary retirement package worth Rs 5-8 lakhs ni. After all, Prithivi Narayan grandpa was the original 'Maobadi' ... at least he managed to take over the valley and didn't need to ask them Desis for help!

I think Gyanu Uncle should not waste his tyam..... visiting them temples. Where are them 'Royal' priests now? Are they hanging out at the local vyar vyar momos... chapa-ing them buff momos and reminiscing about them good old days? What happened to them 'holy' charts and all them astrology nataks kya.

Or maybe our 'Holy' priests knew it all along but were just too scared to tell Gyanu Uncle hola ni. I thought Gyanu uncle was a 'pakka' businessman but now... it looks like he never took them Accounting classes hola. Somebody should have taught him them 'Debit-Credit' natak ni. 

Anyways, we should all respect the 'man' for stepping down at the right time. Instead of trying to hold on to the past... the man decided to pack up and move. It was probably the best decision of his life hola. Gyanu Uncle is a 'pakka' gambler baroo. He knew when to fold 'em kya. Maybe our netas should learn a thing or two about letting go of power. 

Well, it's hard to let go .... be it power or love or your bajey ko 2 anna ko jagga. I am still having a little bit of a tough time letting go. But I know that I must move on.... at least Euro 2012 helped but now I need to find another sporting event hola ni. Yes, she will always love me (hola).... but I am not a Bollywood actor and I don't live in Delhi kya. 

The funny thing about our 'Raja-baadis' chahi... them taukeys haroo are not religious at all. They don't even have them full-set DVDs of Mahabharata and Ramayana. And just because you watch 'Har Har Mahadev' doesn't make you a 'hard-core' Hindu!  

Ahiley pani.. our Dalit brothers and sisters are not allowed inside them temples, paani ko dhaara or them thulo jaatey haroo ko ghar vitra! If you want to be a good Hindu then just be a good person. Help those who are weak and love your neighbors. Sabai religious books haroo ma tyehi nai ho ni! Wearing a tika and not eating goal-bheda, pyazz and law-soon will not get you to heaven.  

Visiting them religious places and asking thousands of poor folks to stand for hours in the midday sun is not right! Stop wasting them dough on them flowers. Baroo.... if Gyanu uncle really wants to be with the masses then he should sell his stake in Soaltee, Surya Nepal and other business ventures kya. Then what? Then call that Saudi dalal... sorry... Prince Al Waleed Bin Talal and ask him for some financial advice hola! 

I think he should just give all his money ...well keep like 10 million dollars and ask them Amriki hedge fund managers to get him like 20% return a year ni.. ani rest chahi ki Help Nepal lai nai diye huncha or he can give it to Himani Trust hola.

And what will Himani Trust do? Our district hospitals across the country are without medicines, doctors or even beds nai. Baroo.... sabai hospital haroo chalau-naw harek barsa grant srant diye huncha.

You can't win them hearts and minds of the Nepali people by baja-ing them ghantas at them mandirs and perfecting them 'namaskars'! Look at them karyakartas. They just want some dough.

Baroo Gyanu Uncle should get into farming sarming hola. We all love them 'Kaley' Bungoors and maybe we will get to eat 'Nepali' apples instead of them Chinese plastic stuff and 'local' khasis instead of them 'Desi' ones. He will make tons of money and folks will get some kaam ruh daam pani!

I don't think we will have a King again because we already have our 'Rajas' now. Tyeti bela 22-24 kingdoms ... abuh ahiley tuh 22-24 party haroo ko tyam ho ni! Let it be.... bhan-they hamro Paul dai lay ek jawana ma! Yee kira haroo lai pani khana-deu nuh! 

Baroo.... puja paath ko satta sabai senior citizens lai blood pressure ko dabai baad-noos... dharma huncha ni!  Yes, my daaktaar friends tell me .... all our senior citizens have high BP rey... ani hamro paala ma chahi we will all have them Type 2 die-beat-eez pani!

Or he can be a media mogul hola. Fund a newspaper baroo... sabai investigative journalism sir-naw-lee-ism natak chaap-ney ni. Abuh Rishi Dhamal lai nai chief banai huncha hola haha! We need them real patrakars ni .. and not them patrakars who were there at his 'last' press conference @ Narayanhiti where they broke them chairs and acted like a bunch of wild monkeys!

At the end of the day... it doesn't matter how much dough you have in them banks sanks.... lastuh ma tuh daal bhaat nai khaa-yeruh sootnay ho kyaaruh!
Hamro Laxmi dai ko Muna Madan ma bhancha ni.. 'haat ko maila suna ko thaila... ke garnu dhana le.. saag ra shishnu khayeko bes anandi man ley.....' 

Yes, Gyanu Uncle... forget about going back to Narayanhiti kya. The Palace is now like them local zoo.... chow chow ko khol ruh badam ko khosta ani Real juice ko packet lay sabai fohor sohor!

Baroo... as Swami Russell Peters used to say 'Be a Myaan' .... Prachandey will never win a Nobel Peace Prize! Let him have his fun playing ping-pong at his Lazimpat Palace. Somebody needs to widen that road baroo.... 1 foot ko bato cha... duita taxi ayo bhaney traffic jam.... hehe!

Gyanu Uncle should cash out.... keep his 10% because you do need some dough to pay your bills and them single-malt is not cheap ni. Ani baaki sabai paisa dee-deu ..... ani hay-ruh hamra neta haroo lay kay natak garda rahechan. 

If you still don't want to do that then just go on the 'Great Himalayan Trek' with your entourage baroo! Make a documentary and be a filmmaker... I don't know... or start a late night radio show @ Hits FM hehe.


  1. tapai ko ho bhanya k!!!

    that's not actually the main thing.. the thing is.. how are you so awesome kyaa???!! lol...

    you should have this "post every odd day" thingy thaa chaa!

  2. haha.. gyanuko gyan. seriously? how do such ideas even strike you? oops.. wrong question. u r guffadi afterall.. on serious note, loved this article like the rest of ur articles..