If our netas were geeks ...

Apple Inc. reported a profit of tauko-dookhney US$ 8.8 billion for the three months ending in June.  And here we are stuck in the land of never-ending political circus merry-go-round where we buy millions of dollars worth of apples from the dosa and dumpling wallahs.  It’s about time our netas grabbed a few books about them IT geeks and learn a thing or two.

Instead of re-reading Karl dai’s angry rants against the sahujis again and again and worshipping crazy wackos like them three stooges… baroo Steve Jobs ko biography pawd-noos!

And what about our non-communist wallahs? They are not going to change into non-conformists any day soon so the only option for them would be to merge into one and be the ‘other’ party.  Then they can read about Bill Gates and maybe someday invite him to town. 

Billy dai is more into fighting malaria than protecting you from them malicious codes infecting your pirated Microsoft products.  He will probably give us all free mosquito nets than free Microsoft Office. But at least it will save lives and will protect many of our folks from malaria.

It’s about time, we had like three or four political parties in the country.  It would be easier for all of us to keep track of our free loaders. And then the Election Commission (EC) can one day go with ‘SMS’ voting and save some of our taxpayers’ money as well. They can even charge us a Rupee or two and make some dough instead.

But of course our political parties will probably hand out free recharge cards and buy them votes hola. Well, the EC wallahs will have to come up with a fool-proof system to allow only the real voters to cast their votes.  Let us not go into the future because if our netas continue to act like buffoons then it’s only doom and gloom for the rest of us.

If you are still dreaming of showering with the paani from Melamchi then you might have to wait for the Halley’s Comet to come around and that’s like in 2061 AD. Most of us will probably be dead by then because not all of us get to ride in them gas guzzling luxury vehicles with full-on air conditioning.  The rest of us have to breathe in the fumes from the vehicles that have somehow managed to pass the emission test.

If you are not a VVIP (Very Very Incompetent Politician or Puppet) then forget the air ambulance and free medical treatment overseas. Just stick to paracetamol and pray to the almighty that your mole on your neck will just turn out to be nothing more than that.

Maybe our visionless netas will learn something good from them biographies of Silicon Valley super-heroes. A dog may learn a new trick or two but when it comes to our netas, even Dr. Phil will throw his hands up in the air and then jump off from the Empire State Building or if he happens to be in Nepal one day then he might try Dharaha.

The only bloke who was a little tech savvy and used Facebook like he invented the social networking site himself was our crown prince also known as comrade polygamist. Now he is in hiding and he has deactivated his multiple Facebook accounts.  Our patrakars must be missing him.  We are now out of fodder for a while.

I think our netas  still haven’t checked the word ‘consensus’ in the dictionary yet. Somebody should install a spell-checking app on their mobiles hola. Or maybe the ‘autocorrect’ thing stops at the word ‘con’.

Maybe our netas will need some reading glasses because they are still hung up with ‘con’ and they haven’t moved to the next letter yet. Maybe Google can help by testing their augmented reality glasses on our netas.

The only time our incompetent fools forge consensus is when they buy faulty APCs for our police wallahs! Soon, we will have an election for another round of ‘waste billions and loot some more’ natak. Maybe it’s time for another scam so that our political parties will have some dough to feed their cadres during the election campaign.

If our comrades really want to be the biggest party again then they have only one option left. They can’t go with ‘give us a chance too’ natak again. They turned out to be con artists like the previous paketmaars hagi!

But what Dr. Saheb can do is ask our NTC wallahs to give us all high-speed internet access at a subsidized rate. You can charge full price for them cooking gas and fuel but if you cut down the ADSL prices and jack up the internet speed then our comrades will win the votes of millions of young folks in this country.

**TKP