Saturday, June 30, 2012

Monsoon Madness

If you really want to make some quick money then you should supply black flags to our opposition wallahs. They really don’t seem to have any plans to evict Dr Saheb from Baluwatar except for the same old natak of waving black flags and shouting them haawa-taari slogans. I think they should come up with some new nataks.

How about buying up space on them hoarding boards around the Valley? You can plaster them with pictures of Hisila didi stealing some achaar from Dr Saheb’s plate. Slogan chahi…Babu, aren’t you tired of eating the ‘rubber’ food at Baluwatar?

The opposition wallahs can then sponsor Dr Saheb’s ‘Visit a Village’ tour package all year round ni. Our Eh-Maleys and Congressis want to get their hands on some free cash. After all, they too need some dough for the coming elections. Our karyakartas can change their alliance faster than Lady Gaga changes her wardrobe. It’s all about the money kya.

It’s about time our political parties decided to hire them advertising agencies to come up with quirky publicity stunts.Dr Saheb doesn’t need one because he has a creative mind. I think if he gets tired of politics then he should move to advertising. He will be winning them ‘Crity Awards’ every year.

Our opposition wallahs accuse Dr Saheb of throwing them childish tantrums. I think Bhusan Dai should come up with a show on Kantipur…the Nepali version of Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? and invite our politicians. How about inviting all our former Prime-Monsters? I think Dr Saheb will win hands down. He’s always reading stuff while other netas are busy gossiping over drinks and mutton curry at the Emperor’s palace!

Baidya uncle and his crew are busy these days. His cadres are even busier now because they have to raise some cash to meet the party’s expenses. Our byaparis are now looking for someone to mediate and negotiate them prices rey. Maybe they should hire some of our young folks who have master’s degrees in mediation and conflict resolution!

Sharat Dai has also opened a new party. While them Madhesi parties are acting like wild capitalists when it comes to looting the state coffer, we now have a National Madhes Socialist Party that will probably introduce socialised health care someday hola. Or maybe they will just socialise with each other and get free medical treatments abroad like the rest of the clowns.

I have no idea why our Janjaati netas from the ‘budo’ parties have not left to open their own exclusive club. I am not a political analyst but everybody at the local chiya pasal is certain that we will always have a coalition government from now onwards. The ‘small’ fishes will get to share the loot while the sharks will spend their tyam making sure they still have enough votes to stay in power kya. So break away and enjoy the piece of the pie ni.

Scott Dai has left the building. Peter W Bodde, the new US Ambassador will soon be in town to try some sekuwa. I hope he will update his Facebook status and tweet all day long and then he will probably have more FB friends than his predecessor. Peter Dai looks like someone you want on your side when there is a bar fight kya. The man was in Iraq. He must be hard-core hola. Now, all he needs to do is wear a cowboy hat when he does the usual ‘meet the clowns’ natak as them kuirey ambassadors do ni.

I don’t know what kind of conversation them bideshi ambassadors have with our freeloaders. Do they talk about the weather? Yes, it’s monsoon and as usual, we will have landslides, floods and what not and our government will do what they do best and that is nothing kya.

Ours is probably the only country where them ambassadors and blue-plate wallahs can just show up at the Prime Minister’s residence and try them ‘rubber’ snacks and doodh chiya. Our so-called top leaders are always eager to practice their Angrezi with them bideshis.

Our netas may act as if they hate India but they do love to share some bhelpuri with the Desi Ambassador and converse in broken Hindi. If our netas really cared for this nation then they should only speak ‘Nepali’ or their ethnic dialect with the bidhesis. And the foreigners have all the funds kyaaruh… they can very well hire their own translators ni. Peter Dai is fluent in Nepali rey. Then our netas should speak to him in Sanskrit hola ni. After all, most of them are members of the priestly class.

Well, the monsoon is here. Dr Saheb wants to build bigger roads. Somebody should tell him that we do need them drains pani! Or he can give us all free gumboots and tubes for boating…now that would be nice!

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