Tuesday, June 26, 2012

When's your turn?

Wedding season is here again... didn't know folks got married yeti bela... yesto garmi ma! This week's been hectic.... attended like 7 wedding parties in three days kyaaruh! It's pretty much the same food and drinks and before you know it the bar is closed and you have to spend the rest of the evening drinking Cola!

Hijo chahi... I went to duita biha ko party sarty haroo! The first one was at Yak & Yeti. Them five-star hotels suck because them wait staff and the rest of the crew are all members of our krantikari union kyaaruh! They act like somebody is forcing them to walk around carrying them tray stray of snacks here and there!

I asked for some paani... and the bar captain told me to walk outside the ball room ... 'tyeta baahiruh ho water station... tyehi gaw-ye-ruh linoos'... so I walked to the so-called water station, filled 4-5 glasses of water and asked the waiter for a tray and headed to my table.

The waiter bhai was pissed... 'Tapai lay yesto gaw-ryo bhaney tuh hamro supervisor lay gaali garcha ni'. I told him not to worry... 'Muh pani union ma choo bhan-deu hai..' if the guy is too lazy to serve water then I better do it myself ni hoinuh ruh! I think I will just go apply for a banquet staff ko job @ them so-called five-star hotels tomorrow!

Yak & Yeti ko so-called ball room ma only fan san... ani.. ek damai garmi pani... spent the next half and hour fighting for the fan. The other table wanted the waiter bhai to turn the fan towards them. But, we had the first right of refusal... hehe... as if we were planning to buy the fan nai! Hami pahila aaa-ko , pankha pani haami tiruh nai thiyo ni!

Finally, the other table gave up and the groom's brother-in-law managed to get another fan for them. Thank God.... or else table 'A' and 'B' were ready to get into some kind of a wrestling match nai.

My didi's friend, visiting from the Amrikas asked me... 'why is everyone around that guy?'. I looked over and saw our great 'ghoos-khori' bhoot-purba mantri, Govinda Raj Joshi. This guy's court case ko hearing is coming up next month kyaaruh. I hope the Supreme Court will at least send him to jail for a year or two. The CIAA folks (that's the Commission for Investigation of Abuse of Authority hai) have accused Joshi of making like 393 million Rupees!

I think it's more like 3.9 billion Rupees hola. The guy was a school teacher in Tanhaun district.... and he had only one gaagri, two kachaura and one thaal rey. Then he became our Education Minister and made like 10 crores by selling them MBBS seats.

He also was our Home Minister a couple of times. And when you are the 'homie', you make money by transferring and promoting them cops. Katti khayo hola hagi! The guy was a mantri seven times... and he is one of the most ghoos-khori neta ever! He must have made a killing hagi! But no worries... abuh afno cousin ko gau ko manchey rahecha... bhoj khan-aw ayo. My sister was mad at me because... I said it aloud.... 'Ye... ghoo-khori po rahecha' ..

But he looked happy. After all he gets a free SUV and security from the government (all former Home Ministers do!) and everybody was namaskaaring him. Yestai ho... yo desh ma, ramro manchey ko izzat chaina.... sabai chor fatah haroo nai hero!

Yak & Yeti ko khaana is okay... not as oily and jpt as them party palaces but who the @#$! wants to have pasta when there is daal bhaat and khasi ko masoo? The chef dai with his big bhudi (yes, all them hotel ka chef haroo ko pet nai thulo!) was standing there. Ani mahiley pani guff diye 'Dai.. khana mitho cha... tuh-raw sabai Desi-style... baroo Thakali Khana rakhey kasto hola' . He just stared at me.... maybe he was thinking 'Yo sangaw boley ki polcha hola baroo mai choop bas-choo!' hehe!

Since it was my nate-daar's wedding..... I got to meet nearly everyone from my mother's side ... and it's the same question every tyam. "Ani Timro Palo kahiley ni?' ... 'Hami tuh timro biha hare-nai naw-pai marney bhayo' ... that would be the grannies! 

And then you meet the usual 'deal makers' ..... by the time I got out and headed for the next party, I was asked to go out on a date with four different women.... and all of them have multiple advanced degrees, dui jana ko tuh Phd pani! Women are smarter than men kya... tyo tuh sabai lai tha-ha bhaa kai kura ho!

I should get married by this Mangsir or else I will be like Krishna Prasad Bhattarai rey. Lau jaa.. kaha batuh KP dai lai saw-raapey ko holan mero auntie haroo lay!

It was already 9 by the time I got to my friend's wedding party at this party palace. My first grade dehki ko saathi ... happy for him! Usko bau mero bau ko saathi.... dherai piu-nuh ruh jpt gar-naw pani miley-nuh hehe! The food was not that good... but I had already eaten so malai tuh khaas farak parey-nuh!

The 'Gurung' wedding parties are fun. Them old folks have skills... yo! All them grannies, uncles and aunts are dancing and having fun.... singing them folks songs! The barman is pissed because the host has even booked the local liquor store...hehe! So, now he can't say... 'sabai drinks khattam... coke piu-noos!'.

And you really don't need them so-called fokatey ko DJs and their 'Desi girl' remix versions at them 'Gurung' Weddings. The old women start singing and everybody is clapping and showing their dance moves.... ramailo bhayo!

I met my high school friends ... all of them are married! And every time we meet.. it's the same die-log .. 'You are lucky... you are not married!'.

The 'Married Men' club members all shut up when their wives come to our table. And then when they leave to dance or eat or hang out with others, it's the same 'God.. I should not have married' natak! But I think they are okay..... yetti-kai rack sack garya holan!

I don't know... I want to get married someday. It doesn't matter if she has them PhDs or no degree at all. Afno nidhaar ma kay lekhya cha kay tha-ha! Who knows... I might marry a Single Mom hola. I already do them dishes at home... I will be happy being a 'house-man' kya!

My Dad tells me.... 'At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if your wife is beautiful or she has 3 degrees from two Ivy League universities... you need to be there for each other and love each other till ... Steven Seagal makes another movie!' ... Okay, I added that Steven Seagal part.. hehe!

Anyways... I am really happy for N bahini, B bro, S bro, D bro, sister A and the two other newly-weds (naam birsey ... sorry hai... because I had to go to them parties .... to represent my khaan-daan ... hehe!)... anyways, congratulations and hope you all will live to be 100 and then go skydiving buda budi nai!


  1. LOL! you are like contemporary "Bhairav Aryal" . so much of humour and sattire in your writing with a personal touch. and I do hope you get someone you love and you too go skydiving with her soon ;)

  2. ha ha ha the pic was so epic !
    hope you find the one for you soon !