Saturday, June 9, 2012

The same old natak...

Dr Saheb has gotten the ‘Emperor’ bug. He spent a night in a resort in Dhulikhel last week. He wanted a break from all the chaos. Maybe, our caretaker should also give us all free vouchers for a night’s stay at some resort up in the hills whenever we need a break, ki kaso?  But we should not be harsh on him because he stayed up all night reading Mahabharata rey. Maybe he should have asked his aides to grab some DVDs and popcorn instead. Then he could have stayed up all night watching Shakuni play the dice.

Since we have pretty much scared the potential tourists with the recent bandas…why not focus on our comrades and their chamchas? All the resorts on the hills would do bumper business by hiking up the price for the rooms where our visionary netas have slept. After all, the only folks who are flushed with free cash from the state treasury are their near and dear ones ni.

Just like every year, we celebrated World Environment Day on June 5 by organising cycle rallies, art competitions and what not. Our school children were made to walk around the city, carrying placards and shouting slogans. And then we had our netas, VIPs, and sarakari hakims with their hawa-tari bhasans on how to save the environment.

But our VIPs are only good at talking the talk and when it comes to walking the walk, they would rather spend our taxpayers money on them gas-guzzling SUVs.  Dr Saheb wore them new gumboots and tried to catch a fish in Bagmati. He even showed us how to clean the streets but I guess none of us were really inspired hagi?

Dr Saheb got a ‘Jomsom’ bike that day. Like the ‘Mustang’ vehicle, Jomsom is also another ‘assembled in Nepal’ product. Thank God…at least some of the money stays in the country. I think the government should allow only assembled products to be sold in Nepal. After all, our netas get their ‘spare’ parts from our chhimekis. Then they assemble them here and act like it’s their own idea.

While our young lads from the villages have left their farms for foreign lands, city slickers are now into farming.  Hope someday, we will no longer have to spend billions on them Chinese apples and Desi khasis.  I hear that even our ‘trade union’ comrade is into pig farming these days. I hope he is paying his staff decent wages. And if they are not happy with the working conditions, then who do they complain to?

Dr Saheb should fire his lawyers. I guess they forgot to read the interim constitution hola. Now, everybody has their own idea about what to do next. Dr Saheb is running around town meeting the bhoot-purba PMs. I think he should just meet an astrologer and figure out his next move. That’s what most of our netas do anyway.

While the M&Ms (Mao&Madhesi) are busy acting as caretakers, other parties are organising a rally  to show them that they too have hundreds of thousands of cadres who hope to receive free cash someday. NC and CPN-UML have even threatened to boycott the CA election rey.  They want our Dr Saheb to resign so that everybody can join a national unity government. Yes, please do that you can all share the loot again.

Kamal uncle is taking a break from playing tennis. He is back as the unofficial trumpeter for the ‘Lord Vishnu’ fan club. I think he also moonlights as a fortune teller. Well, he has not really been good at that so far. He thinks that this is the right time for Gyanu uncle to make a comeback. But we already have a dozen maharajas and their courtiers are laughing all the way to the bank ni. So who wants one guy to have all the fun?

And our byaparis in Narayangadh have shown us that they can also go wild and crazy like our political cadres. They were pretty mad at them tax officials for trying to padlock their businesses.  Taxi drivers protest if they are not allowed to tweak their meters. Bus wallahs protest if they can’t jack up the fares. And our byaparis should be allowed to sell goods without paying taxes because all of them have to save some money for campaign contribution in the next election ni.

And our traffic wallahs may have gotten new goggles but it’s not going to help when they have to go back to nose-to-mouth checking because most of them breathalyzers have gone bust. There is a new traffic rule for our school buses. They have to be off the road by 9 am. I think it should also apply to our VIPs and sarkari hakims. Then we can all cycle to work listening to Traffic Metro at 95.6 Mhz!

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