Saturday, June 23, 2012

You are not a communist if you don’t break up!

Dr. Saheb is having fun in Brazil. I hope he meets the former President Lula and learns a thing or two about ‘pragmatic capitalism’ instead of coming up with new nataks every month. Our opposition wallahs were not happy and decided to wave black flags and do some daang-doong. We have to give it up for our policewallahs. They sure do know how to protect our VIPs. Maybe for a change, they should also try protecting the common citizens once in a while.

I think our foreign ministry wallahs must have thought that they had to send twenty plus folks to Brazil. After all it’s the Rio+20 summit ni. The ‘Samba’ wallahs sent the invitation to our President but our PM goes to Brazil in his place instead. I guess Dr. Saheb must have really wanted to see where all those KFC chickens came from.

Dr. Saheb managed to get to the airport without any bumps. But our angry black-flaggers managed to throw a stone or two at the German Ambassador ko gaadi. Now, the Germans are pissed and our sarkari hakims have been busy apologizing. And the bideshis want us to pay for the damages to their vehicle rey. Yes, kuireys can really be petty sometimes. I think the German Embassy should hand free football t-shirts instead and organize a beer festival so that we can all cheer for Germany in Euro 2012 kya.

Next time, if our protesters really want to stop the PM from flying to foreign lands then they should come up with some new tricks. Stone hurling and shouting slogans are old school. How about just taking a nap on the road?. Just make sure you bring twice the crowd than the police wallahs deployed for them security. By the time, they carry all the protestors off the road, our VIPs would have missed their flights ni.

But of course, our netas can always use the army’s chopper. And our government officials and even foreign diplomats have too much time on their hands hola. Every time, our VIPs leave the country, nearly all them thulo mancheys are at the airport to shake hands and stuff. Next time, whoever is the PM, please organize a tea party at Baluwatar and grab a taxi to the airport like the rest of us.

Finally, Baidya dai has decided to break up with his protégé. But we don’t know if it’s just another natak or they really want to go all in and complete the so-called revolution. Nobody is going to the jungle now. After all, our comrades are now used to free rides and it’s more fun in the sun. Our communists are a funny lot. They really seem to have inflated egos hagi. They break up over petty things. Comrades don’t like each other because the other guy has a tiny head and big eye sockets or maybe it’s the body odor.

Matrika Dai has his own Maoist party although he seems to be the only member and now Baidya dai will be the chairman of another Maoist party. Our byaparis are already worried hola. The new ‘original’ Maoist party plan to hold their convention in February. And our fake VAT bill wallahs will have to foot the bill.

Dr. Muni, the so-called Desi guru and Godfather to our comrades think Baidya and his crew will disappear soon if they continue to talk about revolution and stuff. Baidya dai may not have the muscles or the money like our Emperor but he still has guts. He thinks he can take on India alone but somebody needs to remind him that Rambo is a fictional character and only Sunny Deol has managed to cross the border and kick the other guys’ arses. But that was for his lady love.

Baidya is still pissed at our Emperor because the Desis arrested him in Silguri while he was still wearing an eye patch. The Desis must have really cooked some mean Biryani. Our netas really did get along and signed the comprehensive peace stuff while the hard-core comrades were in Desi jails.

Most of them tuakeys of Maoist sister organizations have also sided with Baidya. Not everyone is living the good life ni. While the Emperor and his chamchas are minting billions, the rest of the crew are left with chump change. No wonder they are pissed.

The ‘originals’ want to start a new army, a parallel government… it’s like going back to the past. Now, they have to print new letter pads, stamps and t-shirts. They need to start looking for a new office space as well. I think it would have been much easier if they had just asked for half of what the Emperor owns. Even Matrika dai should get at least two rooms at the Paris Danda HQ kya.

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