Things to do in Nepal....

My didi ko baccha haroo ko nanny ko boyfriend went to Saudi Arabia a year ago. I told him not to go. He was a lucky man. He even won a lakh Rupees, tyo coke ko bottle cap ko number sumber SMS garey ruh.

But he had to go... because he wanted to go abroad and experience the 'bideshi' life like many of our young men ni. He went to King Abdullah's kingdom to make some extra Riyals... but like many of our folks... he got played bhancha ni.

He wasn't paid for like four months ani tyes pachi, he got like NRs 12,000.00 per month. I think he will be back in a year and according to his guff suff, he will be back with maybe a lakh rupees in savings hola.

The guy paid 80,000 to some agent. So he will save like 20,000 after working like a camel for two years. Khoi kinuh janey ho tyeta tira? He should have opened a chiya pasal or a khaja ghar.

The guy was really good at cooking them 'Nepali' spicy food kya. I even wanted to invest in his 'khaja ghar' but I guess he really wanted to ride them camels and learn some Arabic hola ni.

Work is work... Nepal ma hos ki Bidesh ma. The only difference is that in Nepal, you can slack off and you won't get fired kya. Jhan if you are a trade union wallah then you don't have to show up for work (if you attend them rallies and what not) and still get paid ... hehe!

Mero ghar agaadi euta kaath ko factory cha. The guy's been doing this 'furniture banau-ney' kaam for ages. His wife is already a hakim-ni (she really loves to boss them employees) and he has already built a 3 storey house pani.

Many of our welders, carpenters and even professional drivers have left for the Middle East. Ani baaki bhaako haroo ko tuh monopoly jasto nai cha yeha! The carpenter is a big man now. He won't come to our house to fix our doors and stuff. He won't even send his assistant.

I think you are more likely to get your valves fixed at Sahid Ganga Lal Heart Center next month but your door won't be fixed in a year kya. Lot of folks who come back from Bidesh (with some dough) seem to open restaurants here in the valley. But them 'restaurant' business is not easy kya.

You might have them hi-fi interior and stuff but what Nepalis love ... momo, chowmein and jay pani sadheko... hehe! So it's better to open a sekuwa palace than a Spanish restaurant kya!

Ani it's pretty hard to find really good employees nowadays. All our waiter bhais will work for a month or maybe six months and then the next thing you know, they are on their way to the Middle East or some poultry farm in Malaysia.

So if you are a restaurant sahuji or sahuni then please learn some cooking skills pani. You never know when them chefs quit kya. Nikkai vow sow khoj-chan rey!

There are a few restaurants in the valley ... uni haroo lay barsa ma 1-2 karod nai kamau-chan! Aroo tuh khoi... either just surviving or a bunch of byapari ko choros who have some extra pocket money and they want to open a place to hang out or something!

But the most important thing tuh customer service nai ho kya. Hamro kathmandu ko restaurant haroo ma ki khana atti nai mitho ani wait staff chahi 'sabai attitude problem bhaako ki chahi ramro customer service bhaako taruh kahana chai thik-thikai!

Lau.. hope our future restaurant wallahs have found the perfect recipe for success abuh tuh!

A friend of mine recently started a 'farming' thing. He and his saathis have leased like 100 ropani jagga in the outskirts of the valley. He is doing good rey and most of his employees are from Terai.

Yes, with due respect to Pahadis but Madeshis have greater work ethic hola.... ani uni haroo lai pani jit-ney tuh Desi bhai haroo nai ho! If you go to them housing sites... majority of them construction wallahs chahi sabi Indians.

Why? Because they work 12+ hours a day and don't complain and don't need to spend their money on new mobiles, new jeans and raksi saksi at night kya.

So if you really want to do something in Nepal instead of going abroad or if you are back home and want to be an entrepreneur then do what you know ki kay bhancha ni.

If you are a NASA ko scientist then sorry, we don't have any jobs for you. Better go back to Houston hola ni. But if you have a hotel management degree then get some experience (like 5 years) working for some hotels here and then only think about opening your own boutique hotel kya.

It probably takes 5 years to learn everything from 'Nepali Tyam', nautanki nataks of your employees and Nepal ma kaam garney tarika kya! But of course that doesn't mean you will be successful.

A friend of mine has a degree , tyehi hotel sotel ma from the 'Toblerone' land! He's been working at a five star hotel for the last 6 years hola.

He and his friends opened a restaurant a few years ago and invested like 25-30 lakhs hola. Well, their business venture failed. And the guy is a F&B wallah... hehe!

So just because you have a degree from the Kennedy School of Government doesn't mean that you can run the 'Nepali' government kya! I tell my 'Just Back' friends that instead of throwing away their hard-earned dollars and Euros.. baroo just go trekking ... do that 'Great Himalaya Trail' or something!

Visit your old friends who are now sahujis or maharanis of Kathmandu and listen to them. Well, most of the tyam they will probably be giving you a BT (Big Talk as they say in 'Darjeeling' hehe!) but they are the ones driving around in them SUVs and spending lakhs on them gym membership fees ni.

Not all of them are into 'Fake Vat Bills' hola ni but most of them do know how to bribe the right people kya.. hehe! But for those who plan to go away to work and make a few extra dollars.... my advice would be .... don't do it! If you want to go abroad for further studies then you really should go kya.

But of course, if you do get them 'office' jobs that pays fairly well then do go and make and save some dineros! My cousin works in Dubai kyaaruh... computer somputer, he makes 40,000 a month. Tyesto job tuh garnoo parcha.. Nepal ma either you have to join D2Hawkeye or INGO to make that kind of money ni.

Nepal ma pani cha ramro school haroo but not everyone will get admission to KU or IoE ni! And if you really have no education (only matric pass!) then you won't get much in Nepal.

Dherai bhaye 7,000 hola... tyeso bhaney chahi, please learn them 'Korean' bhasa and take the test and go to South Korea. You will be making at least 60,000 Rupees a month kya. 5 barsa ma kehi savings hooncha ani farkey-ruh kehi garney ni!

Mero thulo bau ko gaun ma basney bhai did just that and he is flying to Korea next year. He came to visit me last month. I told him to crash at my place but he and his friends were staying at them guesthouse in Sundhara rey.

He asked me for some advice. Why do people ask me for advice kya? If they really knew me then they would rather offer me a bottle of Prozac hola... hehe! Anyways, I told him to relax and spend time with his family. And no wild parties or bike tour sour.... ani what did he do when he went to his gaun?

He had them wild parties and did a bike tour and broke his leg rey. Lau ja.... you have to be careful kya. Ek barsa dukha garey ruh Korean test pass bhayo abuh janey bela ma arko natak!

Niva wanted me to write about "things to do in Nepal (in relation to those who migrate to overseas and forget about things one can do in Nepal)" ... but as usual, I have wandered off hola!

My cousin is planning to go to Canada. He works for a really good 'Nepali' company. He makes 50,000 a month and they have given him a bike, laptop etiyaadi pani.

He has never been to a foreign land except India. India doesn't count rey.. uslay nai bhanya. I have never been to India. I really want to go to India someday... do the 'All India' tour hehe!

I told my cousin to save his money and not spend 2-3 lakh to get Canada ko PR CR kya. Buda budi jaaney rey. Yeha ko po MBA , Canada ma gayeruh kay garney... unless he will be happy working at some convenience store owned by a Punjabi Paaji!

With due respect to folks who work at convenience stores but my cousin wants to be a CEO someday. He won't be a CEO in Canada but Nepal ma tuh, he already has a good job and is now well-conneceted... abuh 10-15 barsa corporate ladder chawd-dai gayo bhaney tuhu CEO tuh banlaa ni!

I told him to get another MBA from some Canadian university if he really goes to Canada and then maybe move to the Middle East and work for some 'Kuirey' corporation there kya. Natra bhaney he won't be happy, selling BMC Masalas to Desi aunties ni.

But he is a hard working man. I think he will make it anywhere (better start watching them 'ice hockey' stuff if you want to be a CEO in Canada hehe!) but it's the same formula everywhere ni.

Even if you are pumping gas somewhere in Alabama and if it's only a summer job then that's fine but if you really want to get into the gas station business then you have to work there for at least 5 years so that you know the inside-out ni ani afnai business garney ni!

And this is coming from a guy who once was very happy when Rajat Gupta headed McKinsey. Rajat-ey... why did you become a 'bad arse' just to make a few million dollars more kya?

Anyways, I have a reputation of being one of the laziest employees around. And people tell me that I change jobs like Lady Gaga changes her undergarments! I suck at them analogies, don't I?

I think in my previous life .. I was a consultant hola ni... or the guy who really had no goals in life ki kay bhanca ni.. hehe!

Nepal offers more opportunities than in the West kya. Ask them Europeans who are doing pretty well with their 'cheese' farms but they have the skills ni. So if you don't have the skills then you really can't sell yourself anywhere kya.

With due respect to a dance bar dancer but even if you work there, you need to have some dancing skills ni hoinuh ruh? So when people complain that Nepal ma kehi chaina... Nepal ma sabai kura cha.

Yes, not all of us are connected or corrupted or can choose the easy chor-way out ni. But nearly all of us are confused.. tyo tuh ho hagi! I am a successful failure. Tyo 'Apollo 13' ko die-log chorya mailey!

I have tried nearly everything possible except climb Mount Everest or write a book hola. I have no plans to climb Everest ... never! I am not a 'mountain' man! I can't do it!

But someday I do plan to write a book. My sister tells me that I should write one... about my 'time-pass' in them foreign lands where I developed a funny 'Govinda' accent by watching Comedy Central 24/7 and learned nothing but the names of all them food-stall wallahs at Newton Circus hehe!

My 1,000+ days of 'reverse culture shock' pachi.. what I have learned in Nepal chai... you need patience, perseverance and persistence! I think yo formula tuh sabai thau ma nai laagoo hooncha .. be it Nepal or Naples kya!

It's not easy like in the West, where your ivy league degree can get you a job as M&A wallah at some Wall Street firm ni! But of course tyes pachi maathi janey tuh afnai hard work lay nai ho ni.. and yes a little bit of politics tuh jaha pani hooncha nai!

Nepal ma tuh , even our KU MBA wallahs have to start off as either interns or low-level bank employees kya. And no .. you won't learn the magic formula from KU ko MBA school... just go back to 1996..and follow our Mao-buddies.

Yes, they are into extortion and all that BS and act more like a mafia organization but Mao Inc. can teach us a lot ... on how to survive and finally succeed in Nepal!

I am not saying that you should go blow up a police post in Rolpa again or start writing 'voluntary donations' to byaparis... Nepal ma atta-liye-ruh kaam chaina.

Take it easy.... but make a plan, 10 barsey plan! Or if you have tyam then do attend the 'Thursdays' program conducted by the E4Nepal wallahs! Hear from them folks who have made it here.

If you go through them list sist, 99% of them are neither grandsons of Chandra Shumsher or come from Marwaari families kya. Bhanna khojya..... don't blame your lack of education or money or muscles .... ki chai PhD garey ruh Nepal farkaw ki chahi.... mey-haw-nawt gareruh paisa kamau! If all fails.. then join politics... hehe!

And one more thing, a lesson from Gyanu Uncle chahi.... better listen to customer feedback and hire competent professionals rather than your cronies and chamchas.

Our Mao-buddies are repeating the same mistakes ... khoi our netas will never learn hola but they can afford to make mistakes because they need only six months to head a government and they can make enough to last their saat-pustaaz ni.

Tara hami tuh, law-abiding citizens haroo haum... we can't afford to act like them chors ni. So follow the 3Ps.... stay calm, stay on course and stay foolish and hungry pani.. hehe!