Thursday, November 17, 2011

Records are meant to be broken...

Doctor Saheb now heads the largest Cabinet in the history of Nepal. It took us 15 years, a “People’s War” and hundreds of ‘x’-point deals so that we could witness such a mind-boggling looting of the national coffer.

The previous record holder can now drink in peace as the media won’t be ridiculing him anymore. And just for kicks, the former champion should send his own 40-point demand hola.

We now have tons of full and half ministers. Maybe our “cheap” PM should add a dozen more “quarter” ministers as well. After all, the energy drinks favored by our honest and hardworking netas come in those sizes.

But our honest netas prefer the “foreign” brands. They love foreign drinks, foreign handlers, and of course foreign aid. And now our comrades would like to welcome foreign investment. So, will all that vandalism and extortion come to an end?

Old habits die hard and to expect our netas to have a drastic change of heart is like expecting our Micro wallahs to stop packing us like sardines.

Our governments even want our farmers to get “foreign” seeds. I think we would be happy to see Madonna perform live in Rangashala rather than have Monsanto seeds in our land! It could very well be a sponsored event and it would be a great gift from the Amrikan people.

Dr Saheb also has the most aides ever, forty-four intellectuals to advise him how to waste our taxpayers’ money. He neither knows the names of his ministers nor his aides’ rey. After all, it would require a party palace to hold a Cabinet meeting now.

Maybe he should assign numbers like in schools, and the mantris can wear their numbered t-shirts, or if that’s too much work, then maybe we need a new dress code for them. All full ministers should wear full pants and half-pyants for the half-ministers.

Now, we are left with his aides. I think they should just wear a t-shirt with Dr Saheb’s face plastered on it. After all, they should thank him for having them on the state payroll.

And for those who really believed in this great architect must now be having migraine attacks. We wanted a savior and we got ourselves another false prophet and his bag of tricks.

Had we known that he would go on to waste our taxpayers’ money like it was his personal slush fund, then we would have requested him to ride a Rolls Royce and maybe chartered a jumbo jet for his entourage when he traveled to foreign lands.

He has also broken the record of inviting the largest number of folks for a tea party he hosted a few weeks ago. He spent Rs 2.7 million to host the tea party for 9,000 guests rey.

His aides must have hired a very expensive catering service which charges Rs 300 per person to provide a cup of tea and a lunch box consisting of a banana, samosa and laddu.

I think he could have done us a big favor had he asked those 9,000 guests to donate a bora of rice instead. We could have sent those boras to our folks who are facing food shortages in the hills.

Somebody must have inflated the “tea party” bills, which is nothing new in Nepal. The fake VAT bill wallahs are not ashamed of pocketing taxes and our fake leaders are not ashamed of spending our tax money for their personal benefits.

Dr Saheb was the one who decided not to waste money by printing Dashain greeting cards or hosting parties. His economy class ticket and cheap ride now look more like a nautanki natak. I guess we certainly do have the biggest flip-flopper in the history of Nepali politics.

Yes, we do understand that cadres come first before common citizens. The law-abiding citizens are forced to bribe government officials, from a cop to a sarkari hakim while murderers become ministers and get our honest cops for security and sarkari hakims pay off the mantris to get better postings.

Yes, your political party comes first before country. All the looting and shooting is done in the name of the party and your cadres are immune from criminal prosecution … all in the name of peace!

And it’s not only our comrades who seem to like resorts. The bigwigs from RPP, RJP and RPP(N) met at a resort to figure out how to unify and forge ahead as a single party again.

I think somebody needs to remind our former Pancheys that they had their chances and they screwed it up. Maybe they should unite once again but rename their party RIP and host a farewell tea party … ki kaso?

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