Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Civic Sense...

I was once at Alka Hospital .... line ma... had to get some meds for my 'Nepali' stomach kya. Uncleji was behind me .... ani he was either in a hurry or was once a wrestling champ hola ... because he had his arms around mine and was trying to get some pills even though he knew that the pharmacy guy was trying his best to fill up line ma baw-sey ko haroo ko dabai sabai.

I had to tell our 'Sumo' uncle to back off ... he did for a second and then was back again to his 'arm' wrestling techinques. Khoi kay bhanney... we are all in a hurry hagi.. welcome to 'New' Nepal where we now act like pricks! Even them cave-men and women were probably more civilized hola hagi.

I have a new neighbor who really loves to park his 'shiny' third-hand japani gaadi right in front of my gate. I tried writing a nice little note once.. it didn't work! I tried shouting at sabai chimeki ko ghars.. it didn't work either!

Finally, I had no choice but to wait like 4 hours, outside my gate for the 'jagga dalal' to show up. I showed him the street parking .. yes, quite lucky to have them 'street' parking thing in my neighborhood.. aaj kal Kathmandu valley ma kaha bato ma parking garney thau cha ruh?

I once decided to go crazy and started a monthly neighborhood cleaning program in my tole. I did it for a year and half. Every Saturday morning from 7am to like 9 or 9:30!

Every week, I would distribute 200+ invitations to our tole-baasis. Only 10 would show up. So I had no choice but to ask the local police wallahs, the APF wallahs and ek choti tuh I even asked the Nepal Army guys from the barracks to come help us out.

They all did... but my tole-baasis never came to help out except my friends and six ladies from the local 'Naari' samuha!

Two years ago, half the road would be blocked by them trash srash dumped by them local vegetable sellers. There was a boutique hotel nearby. Them owners are descendants of some Shree Tin Maharaja. They didn't care.

Bam Dev was the Home Minister then hola... he drove to his office everyday.. tyehi bato batuh. He didn't care. He was more worried about police promotions and stuff ni. So one day, I asked the local sanitation company to resolve them issues they had with our vegetable mafia!

The municipality wallahs drive them old rusty trucks and they only pick up yeta oota ko fohor. They were pretty good when we were in high school. Tyeti bela tuh Germany lay aid said din-thyo ni. Thula Thula container etiyaadi.

The Chinese have given us them 108 trucks rey. Khoi sabai dhoosi parey ruh basi raa-chan rey. There are now many private waste management companies and they do a pretty good job. But our local vegetable sellers were not willing to pay Rs 50 a month to the private company to haul their trash rey.

So I visited the local veggie market and requested them to pay the monthly fee. We all do ni ... ani bato bhari tarkari ko fohor... they didn't care.. they were wearing them masks sasks and carrying on their business kya.

Then one guy threatened me ... 'tapai thar-kau-naw nau-awoo-noos' ... 'hamro pani manchey cha kya' ... I was drinking Sprite. I should not have but I did... I just decided to see for myself if the Sprite ko bottle was breakable or not. So I decide to test it on his head. I guess he got the message and so did the rest of them local byaparis.

Today, the bato has been cleared... it's been all safa and no fohor for the last two years. They pay their monthly 'trash' fee on tyam. They are still charging jpt prices for them veggies anyway but so far... it's all good ni.

I even asked the local YCL honcho to win the hearts and minds of the local people by helping the tole sole kya. Bichara.. he was too busy coordinating them local thugs for them local tender sender nataks.

I don't blame them political cadres pani... all of them are in it for the money kya. They have to survive.. yestai ho Naya Nepal ma. If you ask them to take a pop quiz on them communist bichar-dhara... nearly all of them would get a 'F' hola. Sabai goonda ki opportunists ko bhela po rahecha.. kay desh banau cha yesta daaka haroo lay.

Ye... was supposed to talk about 'civic sense' in Nepal, Kathmandu etiyaadi.. hehe! I tend to wander off kya.. yestai ho ... hehe!

I usually take the tyampoo to work. Every tyam, the tyampoo stops in front of Kathmandu Mall... there will be like 20 folks rushing to get in even before we get off kya. Sometimes, I tell them 'Ek Chin .. hami lai jhar-naw dinoos'.. ani sometimes when I am not happy with the guffs by the RJ at the local FM station then I just rush out like a guy jumping off a burning train or something. The guy trying to dive in ... has to back off or is backed off by my sudden 'I want to get out' natak hehe!

The other day... I was waiting for the Micro after work. Tyampoo sabai pack sack... the Micro stopped in front of me and as I was ready to get in, a lady (works for some finance company... yes all them co-ops and finance wallahs have their dress code ni). She just rushed in, threw me off-balance, her bag hit my left eye.

She didn't even apologize kya... so it's not only them men who are 'jungalees'.. we also have 'Jungle' Queens pani.. hehe!

Back in the 90s... everybody would just get off their seats and ask them ladies to sit down... abuh tuh, khoi kay ho..... chivalry is dead in Kathmandu hola!

And no, let us not blame the 'gaun' wallahs or them out-of-towners or fresh off the bus or whatever.... most of them traffic violators are people with at least them high school education or them so-called 'hoonay khaney' kya!

I think we men, should give up our seats to our grandmothers, aunts and the sick and pregnant ladies .. bhanna khojya sabai naari haroo lai kya! Well if you are sick, or a disabled man then it's not a good idea to give up your seat hola but you know what I mean!

I think, we Nepalis have this 'ghar bahira jay pani chalcha' mentality. We clean our homes, we have a nice garden etiyaadi.. ani fohor chahi bahira huttai-dey!

I still remember my Dad, in the 90s.. waking up at like 5 in the morning and carrying a big stick ... trying to figure out who was dumping them fohor bato sato ma! Finally, he found the culprit... He was a hakim saheb at some mantralaya.. hehe!

We can't expect people to change by themselves kya. We do need to come up with tough fines and enforce it pani. That's how Singapore did it! If Lee Kuan Yew had thought that Singaporeans would just realize their mistakes and be better citizens and just left all of them to do their own thing then Singapore today would see them racial riots and what not!

And Lee grandpa wouldn't be the 'Minister Mentor' ni... and PAP would have been kicked out a long tyam ago hola but Singapore ma sabai thik cha except them 'freedom of speech' thing.

You can do whatever you want as long as you are not vandalizing, kicking other people or burning stuff kya. Mero experience ma tuh ... I think Singapore is more 'free' than Amrika. If you have lived in Singapura and them Amrikan cities then you know what I mean! If you haven't lived in them places then don't worry.. just trust me when I say that Lee's garden is more fun than so-called 'Amriki' thau haroo!

Kishunji onced promised us that Nepal would be Singapore... well, Jhingapur tuh banai halyo yee sabai chor neta haroo lay! I think Kathmandu Valley chahi baroo Singapore jastai banau milcha hola.

Aroo kehi naw-bhaye pani.... fohor sohor, vandalism sandalism garney haroo lai kada fine ruh back-side ma 6-7 korra pani!

Or maybe we need to ask JICA to send us like 10,000 volunteers like that 'old' Japani guy, a traffic volunteer who even asked the DIG to hand him his driving license. The DIG didn't have it with him rey. And one day, I saw him nearly choking a pedestrian who was trying to dodge traffic and get to Norvic hospital hola.. hehe!

If the Karate Kid ko guru (hehe.. the Japani uncle) hadn't choked the bugger then he would have been hit by a speeding Micro and would have landed at Norvic anyway!

And we have already seen how effective the 'no smoking in public places' law has been hagi! This is where our Mao-buddies can really win the hearts and minds of the people kya.

If they are still thinking of a one-party state then it would be a waste of tyam for them hola but if they really want to win the next general election then they better use them YCLs for community service kya.

If our comrades were really into changing the way we live, act etiyaadi then it's about tyam they helped our traffic police, sanitation workers and even the chor-police ni.

Our police-wallahs are seriously undermanned.. population chahi 10 goona lay badi sakyo... tyehi 3-4,00 hajar lay kaam chalau! Everything.. bato sato, paani , batti... khoi neta haroo jindagi kaam garey ruh khaa-ye ko bhaye po , thaha hoonthyo janta ko marka? Jahiley pani fokatey ko guff hanyo ani lootyo .. basyo!

Expecting our netas and even our own folks to change is like waiting for the Halley's comet hola ni. That would happen after 50 years hola. (2061 AD ma aucha rey!) ki ek din lai change hoonay ani arko 70-75 barsa dekha naw-parney?

So let us change ourselves first. Do your part kya.... be a civic-minded citizen ki kay bhancha ni. Amrika ma bhaye .. law-abiding citizen hoo-noo bhan-thyo.. abuh hya tuh kay ko law saw.... chor-neta ban-noo ani no need to follow the rule of law nai!

Don't throw your cigarette butt bato ma... carry a portable ashtray with you .. if you see a person throwing something then gently remind him or her to pick it up and find a trash can (yes, KMC now has them green trash thing everywhere) or keep it with themselves till they get home ni.

If they stare at you like you gone crazy then I think it's better if you pick it up yourself and tell the thulo manchey that you will dispose it yourself! Or carry a trash bag with you nai and pick it up yourself and pachi ghar gayeruh... you can build a big plasti-bag ko tent (with holes.. sabai kacchi tuh chan ni!).

And one more thing before I stop my guff for today. I hope Min is not disappointed with my guff hola.. hehe! I need to ask them bike manufacturers to install some kind of an automatic braking (sensor) system because most of them bikes in the valley don't have brakes rahecha!

Them bike-wallahs see them pedestrians crossing them street but they never stop kya. They either wait for the last minute to stop when they realize that they will probably hit the person or will try to squeeze by and probably hit you with their handle sandle.

Well, them bike-wallahs hogging all our pavements and making them leg-wallahs life hell has stopped for now thanks to our traffic cops! But seriously... either them bike-wallahs need a separate, 'one-bike' lane or need to be asked to take a 3 years BTR (Bachelor's in Traffic Rules) course before they get their license hola!

Ek side batuh po over-take garney ni... daya ani baya batuh pani bike sike.... ani aroo gaadi chaluney lay tuh abuh co-pilot nai hire garnoo parney bela ayee sakyo hagi! And the Micro-drivers need to learn how to stop their vehicle at them bus stops and not in the middle of the road or whenever they see someone waving kya.

Bato ko paari arko lai bye bye gari raa hola... yetti kai rokh-chan Micro guruji... bato ko bich-ma.. hehe!

My sister had a scootie once. She sold it since she had to go to chimeki rastra for her further studies. And one day, I was with her and the way she rode that bike made me scream at her. She was like ... 'Brother, you have seen nothing.. this is how you ride in Kathmandu!'...

Yes, you don't look left or right or even use your brakes.... just speed ahead and squeeze here and there or else you will be stuck in traffic for another hour or two rey. Well, why the hell are we in a hurry?

If every freaking thing works on Nepali tyam then why the @#$! are we all rushing to get to the cinema hall or restoo-rant or even squeeze in that Micro Bus even when it's not even the last bus kya!

Everybody is running around as if they are late for some important meeting with Bill Gates or something. I even had to follow one guy , uha bike ma , muh chahi didi ko gaadi maa.... he nearly crashed into the vehicle thapathali ma cause he was speeding. So I was pissed kya.... ani lastuh ma gayeruh tyo Lainchaur ko DDC ma ice-cream khana hatar bhaye ko rahecha tyo bahini lai!

Bike chala-ko eestyle tuh muh chahi kun chai mundrey goonda hola bhaney ko tuh nursing pawd-ney bahini po parecha. Kay bhanney abuh 'DDC ko ice-cream mithai hooncha' bhaney ruh gaye afno bato... hehe!

Anyways, I no longer am an angry man. I have mellowed down in the last 500 days kyaaruh. I don't run out of the gates and start hitting people with a stick when they are cursing and fighting in my neighborhood at 3 in the morning.

I don't beat folks up for throwing them trash srash bato ma.. I pick it up and store it in my backyard for the sanitation guy to pick it up the next day. I don't even argue with them Micro-wallahs for kocha-ing enough people to break some kind of a Guinnes World Record!

I just do my own stuff... I don't want to be taking them blood pressure ko pills soon ni. So let us just do our part.... and hope someday, we will finally get someone like Lee Kuan Yew. I like the 'tough fines' and 'caning' part but not them censorship thing ni feri.

Hope Dr. Saheb can do something about this.... abuh tuh usko pani tyam sakya jasto cha .. khoi... Prachandoo could have been Lee Kuan Yew and he still can be one. Stop dreaming about becoming a combo of Buddha-Gandhi-Jungay kya.

Tyeso ban-naw lai tuh ki tyo Rolex ghadi , lakh-au ko khaat ani pariwar tyaag-noo paryo... ki daura-surwal lagaa-yeruh shaanti yatra ma hidnoo paryo ki chahi sabai afnaa opponents haroo lai marnoo paryo ni!

So.... it's about tyam our netas ani hami pani.. we all need to step up and do what's right ... ki kaso?

Ani one more thing... yo queue ma bas-daa kheri... I think people need to understand that it's more like a single-file thing than four jungalees trying to get their stuff done at the same tyam, be it them bank sank or sarkari office kya. Ani bato ma hid-daa sabai angaal maardai, bato nai dhaak-nay garey ruh hid-noo parcha ruh?


  1. Guffadi! you really sound like Lage Raho Munna Bhai(in all the serious tone).

    Were you being emotional writing this, coz i got some reading it.

    I will do my best and help make Nepal a better place to live for us and other generations.

    Everyone reading post, should realize that a country doesn't change itself kya, it changes when the peoples living in it do.

    And Everyone share it on their wall (Fb ko) hai!.