Sunday, November 20, 2011


Today, I will be guffing about 'Nepali Movies' as suggested by Ekraj and Remrow.

I think the 80s was like the 'golden age' of Nepali cinema hagi. I still remember them movies like 'Jeevan Rekha', 'Kanchi', 'Kusume Rumal' etiyaadi!

Bhuwan-ey and Shiva dai used to be them leading men but then Shiva dai decided to go to Pakistan and do them Punjabi movies. Then he came back and did 'Chino', which is probably the most successful movie ever hola.

If you were growing up in the 90s then 'Chino' was the fee-lim kya! Tulsi Ghimire used to be like our 'Subash Ghai' then... jay banaye pani babaal chawl-ney! Where is Tulsi dai now?

I know where Shiva dai and Bhuwan-ey are... Shiva dai just hangs around at the coffee place in Sherpa Mall. I hear that he doesn't drink or smoke but is a serious follower of 'Hanuman' or something. His wife left him and is now living with some young lad in the UK. He married a young lady, younger than his daughter kyaaruh.

Bhuwan dai is still going around town trying to be kay bhancha ni .. playboy slayboy but then he got his arse kicked a few months ago by some angry hubby of a boutique pasal sahuni .. hehe!

Abuh kura garoom.. hamro superstar, Rajesh dai ko! Rajesh dai has been doing his stuff since the early 90s... and he still charges 3-3.25 lakhs per movie. He's probably done more than 100+ movies so far and he will continue to be them 'hero' sero until 2020 and then he plans to go on a world tour rey.

Ani tyeti bela ko hero-ni haroo pani ali 'classy' kya. We had Sharmila Malla, Karishma KC (Manandhar), Kristi Mainali , Gauri Malla, Mithila Sharma , Mausami Malla..... they were not only hot but really did some acting sacting pani, unlike aaj kal ko hero-nis ... who can neither act nor dance!

In the 80s and early 90s.... folks who made them movies were either assistant directors in Bollywood or were really passionate about making them... Now, its mostly jagga-dalals who produce them stuff and all they want is to get near and dear to some young lady who dreams of being a 'Kollywood' star kyaaruh!

And we have directors, who either want to copy them 'Korean' movies or make dishoom-dishoom action movies with the same flank kicks and round kick ki kay bhancha ni!

Before.... we had really good writers who knew how to make a masala movie... with song, dance, love sove, tragedy etiyaadi.. now we have no writers at all. Yes, them cinematography ki kay bhancha ni babaal hola... but where is the @#$!ing story?

Yes, I went to see Mission Paisa. I still want my money back. Sano Sansar sucked and so did Kagbeni. Most of friends liked Bhushan Dahal's movie but I thought he could have done it well if he had asked the guy from Kalimpong ho ki Sikkim, Prashant Rasailey to come up with a cool story.

That 'Prashant' guy is really talented.... but I don't know why Quest Entertainment wasn't interested to work with him. I hear that 'Acharya' did only 15-20 lakh ko business in Nepal rey. I feel sorry for them producers!

I think they should have made a movie based on the life of Narayan Gopal. Everybody above 30 would have gone to them theatres... and it would have probably grossed crores!

I love Bhakta Raj Acharya but if you want to make a movie and hope that young folks do come to watch it then why not make a movie on Arun Thapa. Well, both Narayan uncle and Arun dai are dead but young folks still listen to Arun dai ko geet seet and all senior citizens will come to watch a 'Narayan Gopal' movie kya!

Now, I hear that we will have our first Nepali 'Lesbian' movie rey. Well, the director lives in Paris and he's got few kuirey backers so he really doesn't need to worry about getting his money back but for most of them film wallahs in Nepal, they are @#$!ed because the hall-wallahs take 50% of their cut, distributors take 15% and then pay off gundas here and there!

Ani by the time it's all over, the producers get like 30% of the B.O. gross... so if you make a movie for 50 lakhs then you have to pray that it grosses like 1.5+ crores to even get your money back. Profit tuh khoi ... (nepali die-log cha ni..) kun chari ko naam ho? hehe!

And if our filmmakers really want to cut and paste then just get everything from Bollywood ni. You can watch Farhan Akhtar's movies if you want to cater to the city slickers and if you want our working class folks to buy them tickets then make a movie about Micro drivers, waiters, welders, carpenters ni... not some jackass who starts kicking arses from the beginning of time and doesn't stop until everybody is out of them theatres kya!

A friend of mine is making a movie. His budget is 45 lakhs... he signed Rajesh Hamal and Rekha Thapa kyaaruh. I told him that I couldn't invest in his movie because a) I don't have that much cash b) I want to make a low-budget 'Nepali Rajnikanth' movie and not them usual 'Kollywood' thing!

So, I have decided to help him out with marketing and stuff. I won't get paid but I just want to make sure that he gets his money back .... it will take at least a year or two nai.... the distributor has promised him 12 lakhs, he will get 5-7 lakhs when he sells them VCD rights... (yes, them VCDs sell like hot cakes in Nepal and them Middle East rey).

And if the movie grosses like 60-70 lakhs then he will get like 20 lakhs back... yeta oota break even hooncha hola. Well, if he just deposited tyeti paisa in some finance company ... he would have gotten like 14-15% interest ni baroo... hehe!

Film banau-ney bhoot laagey pachi yestai ho ... rey! Mero cousin lay pani feelim banayeko thiyo 5 barsa agi... He still needs to pay off his relatives who loaned him some money hehe!

Let's get back to the topic hai.. Ekraj asked me to write about the present condition of Nepali Cinema or something like that. Where are we today? Our movies are getting worse.... no story and even them so-called 'New Generation' film wallahs suck as well.

I just saw a poster for some movie called 'Loot' .. Nepali movie nai ho... and the same 'old' so-called 'Naya' cast .. Karma , Richa Sharma, Vinay etiyaadi... sabai so-called 'naya kisim' ko feelim ma yeeni haroo matruh nai hooncha!

Maybe it's tyam, we got more 'theatre' wallahs to act in them movies because I don't want to see the same gang in every 'hi-fi' movie kya!

We can't compete with them Bollywood wallahs... so instead of copying them... we need to find our own stories.... about our migrant workers, Micro drivers, SP Ramesh Kharel or even our Kathmandu ka Don haroo!

Why not make a movie about Kollywood nai? A jagga-dalal wants to produce a movie but he has to be the leading hero kya. Ani .. film shooting garda, the hero-ni is pissed because she doesn't want to eat the Nepali standard khaja 'Wai Wai' and instead wants KFC Chicken in the middle of nowhere.. hehe!

Or a director, who has never directed a movie but has managed to trick 14 byaparis to fund his epic movie... and it's been 14 years and he hasn't even started yet... sabai true story nai tuh hoon ni!

1 comment:

  1. Mero cousin lay pani feelim banayeko thiyo 5 barsa agi... He still needs to pay off his relatives who loaned him some money hehe!