Friday, November 4, 2011

If I become the Prime Monster!

We have had four Prime-Monsters (Prime-Ministers!) since 2008 and hope Baburam dai will be our last when they wrap things up and we can finally have a general election and a 'real' government to take care of our needs kya.

Ahiley tuh, it's more like a 'looting season' where all them budget is shared by the political parties and instead of building schools, health posts and better roads... all them dough goes to them local leaders and their chamchas.

Our netas have once again made them deals seal... now it's the seven-point agreement rey and hopefully, our comrades will finally be happy with the integration and them package deals for their combatants!

Mohan Baidya is not happy. He never was and will never be... that's how all grumpy old men are. I think he will enjoy going for his annual 'prostrate' exams hola baroo!

Remrow's topic for today is 'If I become the Prime Monster' .... hehe! So let's suppose, Guffadi becomes the Prime Monster .... there isn't much I can do hola.

If we had them general election and Guffadi party wins the majority then I could do something as a Prime-Monster because then I wouldn't have to worry about my coalition partners and compromise with them ni.

I would have like 5 years to do the job that I promised to do and after that them voters would decide ni... if I really kept my promises or not... hoinuh ruh?

Ahiley ko situation ma tuh, nobody really can do much but Baburam dai is really trying his best and looks like he might pull it off. We do have our comrade chairman ni feri. Big Boss tuh Prachandoo nai ho ni.. hehe!

So let's begin my 'If I become' guffs hai.

As a PM, I would have my own radio show.... yes, Baburam dai did try it but I would have my own radio show at 11pm, every night kya! Harek Raat, ek ghanta guff suff with the Prime Monster hehe!

I would play some cool songs and talk about my daily schedule and what I accomplished hola. And people can call to request their songs or complain about some sarkaari hakim who asked for a bribe or something.

Not everyone can get through hola but we can do 'lucky draw' sucky draw kya. Just leave your number with the PM's office and we will call random folks and they can talk with the PM ni.

I would also ask SP Ramesh Kharel to head the 'Police Reform Commission' or something like that and come up with new regulations for our men and women in blue. No smoking, swearing, extorting or drinking while on duty. If they don't follow the rules then their pictures will be uploaded online and will have to perform a year long community service by cleaning up Bagmati!

All government employees will have to come to work on tyam and stay in the office and do their job. Well, you do get sick leave and what not ni.. but if you are not doing your job then your profile will be uploaded ... to the PM's website 'Hall of Shame' kya!

I would also ask Lee Kuan Yew to visit Nepal or ask some of his Singaporeans to help us plan a new 'fine' system for everything.

Throw your trash out on the street... then you will pay 1 lakh fine (installment ma pani pay garey hooncha) and 1 year community service, cleaning up Bagmati hehe!

Play loud music after 10pm and disturb your neighbors and your music system will be donated to the local government school and you will be asked to work as a janitor there for at least six months.

And for them 'speeding micros' and jpt chalau-ney bikers... your driver's license will be suspended for a year and will be fined 1 lakh nai and you will have to clean Bagamti for a year pani.

So I think, I will just focus on one thing hagi. My election campaign ko naara nai tyehi hoonay ho ki kya ho 'Sabai chor haroo lai 1 barsa Bagmati Safa garauney ruh 1 lakh jariwaana' hehe!

Baburam dai decided to ride a Mustang. I will get a bicycle kya. Wouldn't it be fun ... the PM riding a cycle and all his security personnel also joining in. And once a week, I would ban all vehicles from the street and have a 'Bicycle' day everywhere.

Abuh tuh Kathmandu ma, cycle maatraw chalau-nauh dinoo parney bela bhayee sakyo kya.

Anyways, it's not easy being a PM. We all know that. You will always have that cousin who wants you to help him get the government contract or your mama ko chora ko saali ko bhai who wants to be the next Ambassador to the US. And not to forget them 'opportunist' chamchas who want to make millions while you are in the 'hot' seat kya.

I think I will just wear a helmet (web cam install garney ni) so people can just get a 'live' feed or something... except when I am in the loo or having a very 'sensitive' meetings ni... hehe!

Looks like I am talking more about what I would do if I became the mayor of Kathmandu hola.. hehe! Anyways, it's not that we don't have competent people, be it them netas or sarkari hakims or bus drivers or cops .... etiyaadi!

It's about tyam, our netas let them sarkari wallahs do their job and reward the good ones and punish the 'chor' haroos. And if I really became the Prime Monster then I would ask my cadres, chamchas and cousins to do a good job and if they go around extorting and using my name for their personal benefit then I would ask SP Ramesh Kharel to make sure that they are tied to a tree, caned and the video will be uploaded on Youtube!


  1. why everything for 1 yr like community service for 1 yr, liscence suspended for 1 yr??
    I was thinkin to suggest this topic just to find out its already been taken, so here's a different one i'd like you to write about on next available date "social networking site and their pros and cons"

  2. Thanks for the post Guffadi!

    Aba yesto freedom ma basya manche haru lai testo saaro policy lagai deeyo bhane tah....
    taipani you have my vote :)