Friday, April 17, 2009

Oh La La !

Went to this 'Animation Festival' thing @ the Alliance Francaise. I love the Frenchies... because with the French, it's cool to smoke and drink ... unlike the stuffy British or arrogant Americans, try smoking inside the British Council or the American Library!

It was supposed to start @ 6 pm but this is Nepal and we have to give it to them foreigners... when in Nepal, they become Nepali, so the show started @ 6:53. Then came the rain and a guy with a big stick (no, I am not talking about body parts here!) was trying his best to 'jhaaring pani from the tent'...

There were like 30-40 people, 70% were students @ Alliance Francaise and 20% kids with their French Dads and Nepali Moms and 10%... folks like us who have nothing better to do @ 6 on a Friday evening!

A French guy began with his 'Welcome' address then asked this guy from Maya Animation Academy to talk about his school and stuff. I don't know if our Nepzie guy was hit by a micro-bus but he was talking as if he had a pine cone stuck up his arse!

C'mon man... you are supposed to be this 'creative' guy with full of crazy ideas not some bum with a bad attitude! I don't know but maybe that's how our 'thulo manchey's are... and then he showed us some animated clips from Maya.

One was 10 seconds long. It was about... err.. just the 'Maya' Animation Academy ko logo and the other was like 2 minutes long ... about a guy with probably the longest nose in the world, playing with his holy beads, staring @ the moon and saying 'May Peace Prevail in MY country' and then he spent another 27 minutes talking about how this short film was made.

That's it... if you give the Indians 2 minutes, they will come up with hot 'Maggi' chow-chow, if you give the white girls 2 minutes, they will achieve 'fake' multiple orgasm but for our 'Maya' folks , 2 minutes is too short. And if you are a horny bastard then in 2 minutes... okay let's stop this '2 minutes' game! Well, technical skills matra bhayara bhaya-nuh, story pani cha-hi-yo" or as the Californians say, 'foreplay is more important than the actual ...'

And since all the seats were taken, I had to sit up front with the 'Frenchie' kids. A seven year old, illegitimate son of Sarkozy punched me in my Dhaad and motioned me to move aside because I was blocking his view.

Give this a kid a glass of wine and non-filter Camel! That would calm him down! His mom was like, "Sorry..." and I really wanted to reply back in French but then I realized that the only Frenchie word I knew was 'Bon Appetit' but I should have said that because she was enjoying her sandwich!

Then after making all of us fall asleep by his 'loshay' bhasan , the guy from Maya Academy finally stepped away and then began the 'Bideshi' animated shorts. There were few good ones but most of them had something to do with conflict. Yes, we have heard about them concentration camps, the Jew-Paley conflict and what not but why can't our European friends make 'funny' stuff like them Americans?

And our Nepali folks were busy talking and bitching about how they couldn't understand what this or that short film was about. What is this, a freaking critic's convention? Just shut up and stick to your 'Je m'appelle... Rita or Roshan' and enjoy the show!

Free screening, free refreshments and what more do you need... so my advice to all our young folks who are studying film or some other artsy subjects... just stay where u are and wait tables until the day you break into Hollywood or Bollywood but please don't come back to Kollywood and if you do then don't even think about making a movie or some crazy 'art' stuff because it won't work here!

If this 'free' screening stuff was happening somewhere else then maybe only four people would show up. Yes, the guy handling the projector, the guy with the DVD and two guys who are friends with guys who are handing the projector and the DVD!

And last year, I paid 30 Rupees for the 'documentary festival' natak brought to you by the Dixits (Himal Media) and there were like 10 people. And yes, 4 of them were employees of Himal Media! Then we had two Nepali directors ... so let's do the math!

Okay, Kathmandu International Mountain Film Festival was a different story. Sari Soldiers ko screening ma seat nai pugay-na rey! I didn't go but "Excusez-moi" ... won't there be some kind of a conflict of interest when you are the film festival director and you are also screening your own 'documentary' ... well, who the @#$! cares?

But they should change the name, please omit 'Mountain' ... coz nothing 'himali' was going on @ KIMFF ! And what do they do with them $$$ they get from the INGOS ... yes, all our artsy stuff is funded by 'khuires' ... even the Gurkul family and other theater-wallahs and all that 'painting' stuff as well.

Yes, Nepali mora-mori haru phokat ma pani audaina ... INGO ko paisa na-paya ... hamra 'arty' folks will starve to death! So don't get too excited (our folks who are in bidesh!) when u hear about film festivals and them theater scene ... all rocking and happening! It's rocking for the organizers ($$$) and not for the artists!

So, the best option would be to come back home, organize a 'film festival' (after you get all the funding from the khuires!) and then screen your own 'home-made' movies and call it "Kathmandu Independent Film Festival" .... KIFF! Maybe we should ask the KIMFF folks to do just that!

1 comment:

  1. I guess the 'Animation Festival' would have been worth it if Carla Bruni made a personal apperance herself.. She looks like a manga character, doesn't she :) and listening to her makes me wanna sing "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir".. :)