Bam-ey Live!

I normally dress like a hobo but when it comes to Weddings and funerals then I dress up as if I am attending the Oscars!

I went to this 'Suit' place and asked the guy to make me a nice suit, like the one(s) Obama wears! The guy promised me that even Obama would be jealous and handed me a bill for Rs 12,500!

tYAS-KO-BAU KO tOO-P-PEE! (Yes, we are not crude like them Amrikans and their 'Yo Mama!' jokes... ) WTF is wrong with KTM? And he gave me a discount... 1,000 off... not even 10%! Okay, kapada straight from Italy rey... guff na-deu daju!

A week later, I went to this Wedding hoping to patau-o some single ladies! Here I go again ... a naari-friend of mine thinks I am trying to write a keto haru ko 'Sacks in the City' thing!

I handed the gift to the newly weds and nearly tripped over a 'gamala' . Not a good start... hot ladies giggling, mero kaan raato and trying to find the baato out of the reception room!

I headed straight to the bar and asked for a peg of whisky. And my cousin is like, 'Bro, don't drink it ... might be nakkali!'

So I dumped the whisky in another 'gamala' and asked for a glass of beer and my cousin once again began his 'Don't drink it... it's ' and I said, 'Stop it ... don't tell me what not to drink!'

And he got all mad and shouted as if I had slept with his girlfriend, 'Don't call me in the middle of the night to drop you home when you are drunk and blind...'

Brother, chill... I thought only Viagra made u blind and now it's Nepali raksi! Anyways, I decided to grab a small glass of 'gulio' wine and it tasted like ... 'chini-paani' and then the big guy made his appearance.

Everyone was whispering ... people were acting as if 'Mithun Chakraborthy' was in town. What's happening? Bhoot ayo ki kya ho? No, it was Baam-Dave, our Home Minister. And he had his security guys, one Armed Police Force officer, another Nepal Army dude with a revolver and other plain clothes 'nautanki' guys following him as if he was going to get lost!

After meeting and greeting the newly-weds, Bam Dev was sitting alone and then a family of three joined him with plates full of chillo-party palace khana (because all the seats were taken and that was the only empty table!).

His security guys were all standing in line to get their dinner and he was all alone, eating fruits and vegetables! Nobody was bothering him... KTM is now like NYC ... the cost of living is @#$! and so is the attitude! Really?

The only problem is your weekly 'Nepali' paycheck is enough to last only 37.32 minutes @ a KTM bar whereas 'hourly' pay in NYC is enough to get u a cheap blow job!

Bam Dev must be really doing Ram Dev... he's now eating phal-phool and saag-paat. Well, many years ago he was busy drinking Black Labels and playing 'marriage'... nowadays he's busy closing down Thamel early and driving around with his entourage... doing nothing!

For a second, I did think about our political leaders. If someone really wanted to do a hit... it's not that difficult but nobody has tried it because we are all busy killing each other!

I am not saying ... 'let's do a Rang De Basanti' but once in a while, wouldn't it be fun if someone blew up our netas? Yes, I am a sick-o!

At least during them 'Bhimsen thapa' ko pala ma, the big 5 Chettri families were busy killing each other. Yes, our leaders should start killing each other rather than making us fight over little things!

Even the Ranas were good @ killing their own but we have to give it to our netas. 10 years of so-called 'People's War' and not even one 'neta' got whacked!

I think I should stop eating Chicken Chilly and Buff Momos... should learn from the 'Bammer' ... stick to vegetables and learn some breathing techniques.

Yes, we all want 'Peace' ... that's what we heard but our leaders just want a 'Piece' ...of the pie!

And for us, they are happy to give us a 'tie' so we can hang ourselves and ... die?