Saturday, September 1, 2012

False hopes and dead ends!

It’s been a year since our Dr. Saheb became our Prime Monster and we have to thank him for sticking around. If Dr. Saheb resigns tomorrow, then all hell will break loose.  Well, that’s what our board first wallah tells us as if he is trying to spook some kids with some ghost stories.

So what will really happen if our smarty pant decides to leave Baluwatar and let the other crooks  fight it out for the kurchi?  Baidya dai and his crew will invade India. Gyanu Uncle will become the chief guest at the next Bhoto Jatra.  And our Madhesi leaders will be running for election across the border. 
Nope, not going to happen because no matter how stupid our netas act, they are not going to go crazy until they get their blessings from the bidhesis! Well, China actually doesn’t care what we do as long as they find them pictures of our cops harassing Tibetan protesters in Kathmandu.
Our netas and civil servants are more eager to keep our dumpling and dosa neighbors happy than respecting human rights. Our netas all seem to forge consensus only when it comes to withdrawing criminal cases against their cadres.
The Amrikans will only care about us if them Amriki companies find some oil in the middle of the country.  So, it all comes down to the Desis. Our netas may spin conspiracy theories about the evil Indians but at the end of the day, they do get their chiya kharcha and pat on the back from the Bi-Desis.
Dr. Saheb met Raul Castro and Hugo Chavez in Brazil. And we still haven’t gotten any Cuban doctors or free oil from Venezuela yet.  I hope we get some freebies from Iran this time.  Iran has oil, date fruit and mullahs.  

What do we have?  We have morons running the country down the drain. And the same natak has been going on for the past fifty years. Let us all feel sorry for our Dads. They have seen it all and we might have gotten new circus owners but it’s been the same old act.
I hope Dr. Saheb has asked the Iranian President  Ahmadinejad for some help.  Iran could give us some oil to run some of our thermal plants this winter.  That’s only wishful thinking but what we could really do is ask Iran to give us them dry fruits at a heavy discount.  At least it would help us to cut down our expenses this Dashain.
Let us hope Baburam dai bonded well with Ahmadinejad.  If Dr. Saheb is not able to pronounce the Iranian President’s name correctly, then he should just break it down to Ah-Ma-Dine-Jad (Yes-I-Give-You-Raksi). And it would be pretty difficult for the Persian to get Dr. Saheb’s name right. He should just stick to the initials.. BB.. my Habibi!
Both Habibi and the wine seller have lots of things in common. Both are in their mid-fifties. Both have PhDs.  Both live modest lives and don’t know what ‘compromise’ and ‘consensus’ mean.
Dr. Saheb knows a thing or two about urban planning. I think he should just be our Minister of Urban Development for life.  Ahmadinejad has a PhD in transportation engineering rey. But he acts like he is a trained nuclear physicist. Both seem to have misplaced priorities hagi!
The Amrikis are probably watching Dr. Saheb’s dance moves. They are not worried but they like keeping tabs on everyone.  Now, if he meets Little Kim from North Korea then Dr. Saheb will be one of the few folks to have met with so-called leaders of nations who are on Amrika’s ‘juvenile delinquents’ list.
I think our PM just meets them so that one day, he can organize a photo exhibition in Bhrikuti Mandap. I hope he calls it ‘I am afraid of Amrikans’ and have the David Bowie song play in the background.
Not much has changed in over a year since Dr. Saheb shocked us with his Mustang ride.  His mini-sinisters continue to ride them gas-guzzling SUVs and have no shame looting the state treasury. 
Hello Sarkar was a great idea and the government could have spent millions on hiring young folks to man the telephone lines but like other sarkari nataks, it lacks resources and coordination.
Instead of doling out millions from the so-called fund for youth and entrepreneurs to a bunch of cadres.. why not give all our karyakartas some vocation trainings. We are always in need of plumbers, electricians, carpenters and painters. 
They don’t have to work full-time, just show up whenever we have problems and make a quick Rs 200 for tightening the nut bolt or something.  And they will have plenty of free time for their rallies and other nataks as well. But who really wants to work when one can get free dough from the state? 

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