Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Holy Cow! Soon ko Vow!

Nepal ma soon (Gold) ko vow (price).... Rs 60k per tola rey. Who the @#$! buys gold? I don't ....  but Teej is coming and our ladies will need some new saaris, soon woon and they will dance to them 'Poila jaana paam' songs hola ni. 

Well, not all ladies are into them 'teej' nataks but kuirey ko Thanksgiving sale bhanya jhai.... them saari pasaleys and soon sahujis do make a killing during Teej ruh Biha season ma! At least Amrika ma tuh sale bhaney pachi sasto deal paucha ni.. yeha tuh ulto vow bada-yeruh bech-chan yee gadha haroo lay!

Instead of spending thousands on them saaris and gahanas.. baroo... tyo paisa lay euta gau ko baccha lai ek barsa ko laagi sponsor garey kaso hola? Ani biha ko season ma chahi..... please stop wasting your money on them khatas, flowers and stupid big-arse cards. Just put Rs 1,001 khaam ma and give it to the bride hai. 

If the party is at the party palace then they will probably charge Rs 700 per plate. And if you are invited to some five-star hotel (the food sucks anyway!)... then put like Rs 2,000 because them hotels charge at least Rs 1,400+VAT and service charge natak. Bichara biha garney lai pani yeso ali ali hos nuh.. hehe!

The hotels will probably submit fake VAT bills and get away with it. What about the service charge? All them hotels ma Maoist trade unions... so our comrades really don't give a rat's arse about service. If you need a glass of water then go get it yourself.... hehe!

So what's new in new Nepal? Khoi.... them NOC wallahs have raised them fuel prices again. Our domestic airlines have now raised their airfares pani. And our public transport wallahs will do the same natak as well. NOC is still losing Rs 730+ million per month even with the fuel price hike rey. NOC ko negative worth is around Rs 12 billion and it owes like Rs 28 billion to the 'Hello' Sarkar and them banks.

The government wrote off NEA ko debt. It was around Rs 22 billion but our No Electricity Authority will still lose like Rs 5 billion this year rey. And we should be dancing in the dark ... a lot... this winter. Yes paali tuh at least 20 ghanta hooncha hola ni. 

NEA's load shedding schedule is really @#$!ed up. Aaj kal tuh.... the batti goes off every hour. Auney jaaney... hami lai jiska-yeko jasto! I hope our NEA folks will be kind enough to match them load shedding hours to our khaana khaney schedule this winter.

Instead of 8 ghanta bihanuh and 8 ghanta raati ko batti-off tyam... baroo give us electricity for two hours in the morning, two hours in the afternoon, two hours in the evening and probably two hours early in the morning to catch some English Premier League games... hehe!

Tyeso garey kaso hola? Bihanuh waffle khanuh pauney. Tyes pachi deu-so Rice Cooker chalau nuh pauney. Ani yeso belka feri bhaat saat pakauney, baasi daal sabji microwave garnaw pauney. Ani raati.... jado maa heater baal-dai football hare-ney!

NOC lai chahi kay garney ho? Khoi.... I think they should just start selling them fuel suel .. jati ma kineko tyeti ma. According to our Nepal Rastra Bank Wallahs... the valley wallahs consume like 60% of cooking gas, fuel etiyaadi.. batti chahi around 30% rey.

Abuh Raajdhaani ma basya lai kina subsidized rate sate ma bechney.  I think the business wallahs should pay the cost price bhaye pani and the households can get ali discount ma. Petrol diesel pani tyehi ho... why are we giving our byaparis discount?

Bhanney bela ma People's War and all that natak. Ghanta ko janta... our hard-core comrades are full-blown capitalists.  Hami sabai lai joker banayo hagi! If the Maoists are real communists then all them cooking gas, fuel suel, electricity tuh Krantikari sarkar lay dinoo parney ho hami lai .. free ma. Ali ali bhaye pani free ma hoonoo parney ho ni?

Them netas get free fuel, batti , telephone ko laagi paisa, ghar bhaada ruh ajhai kaam garney lai taw-luh paney. Kya ulto hagi hamro desh tuh? Janta bhok bhokai.. Neta haroo sabai ko gala bhookka fookka! Chya... laaz naw-bhaako paaji haroo.. thukka!

I think it's time we had the 'ration' card system. We get a certain amount of sugar, saboon, masu, petrol, cooking gas from the state. Sabai lai ek naas kya. Prachandoo should get only two pegs a day and so should we.. hehe!

The government wants to distribute identity cards to the poor rey. The 'real' needy folks will get them cards but they won't get stuff at affordable prices. The political cadres will probably get them cards too and they will get all them stuff and sell it to the byaparis. And our byaparis will then sell the so-called daily essentials to the poor folks ..... 50% profit kha-ye-ruh. Yestai cha Naya Nepal ma!

Today's guff was supposed to be about Gold. Why do people buy gold? Well, some of us want to have something we can just grab and run if we have to leave the country hola.  Kasai ko laagi.. it comes in handy when you need some cash. Jay bhaye pani investment ko laagi bhanchan. 

All them netas have tolas of gold and silver etiyaadi. And it's not like ek or dui... if you read them news then it's like 50 tolas, 60 tolas... neta haroo ko sampati bibharan ki kay bhancha ni. I think Prachandoo has a soon ko haatti nai but he is not telling us.. hehe!

Our corrupt clowns can't even carry all that gold and run if the jantas decide to storm the mini-palaces and start a 'French' revolution on our netas and civil servants. 

But of course, our netas don't have to run away  ni. It's our young and beautiful who have to leave this land of ours so that they can make some dough. Every year, more than 300,000 (aroo 200K tuh feri gaako ho rey) folks leave Nepal for them Gulf countries. Uni haroo ko salary 10-12 hajar maatrai. 

And the only folks who are minting money chahi hamro cops, civil servants, chor-netas, contractors and them cadres! Instead of buying a tola of gold... baroo go for a 4-5 din ko holiday .. BKK or KL nai.. hehe! 

I hope one day.... we will all get together and parade our netas on the streets while we hit them with uni haroo ko lootya paisa lay kiney ko soon ko dalla haroo lay!

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