Saturday, September 29, 2012

Baidya and his ‘ban’ list



Baidya dai is trying to go back to the original ‘top 40’ hits that started it all. The ‘angry birds’ have decided to ban Indian vehicles in ten districts. I guess they still need to work on recruiting more comrades if they want to carry out a nationwide ban on anything Desi.

When our Emperor and Dr. Saheb were busy hanging out with them Desis, Baidya dai was in an Indian jail eating sukkah roti and stale sabji. The Emperor was probably munching on tandoori chicken and bar-hopping in Noida. Dr. Saheb is a son of a peasant. So he was probably sticking to his usual dal-roti diet. 
 
Baidya dai feels for our farmers and wants to ban Indian vehicles so that our farmers will find market for their produce rey. I think Baidya dai and his crew should get into commercial farming so that we won’t have to eat Chinese apples and Desi khasis.  They can start their own transport business as well and be a market leader in ferrying Indian tourists all the way to the Himalayas.
 
Maybe our NGOs should teach our political parties how to sustain themselves by teaching them income generation skills. Instead of burning tires, our cadres could gather all the used tires in the country and make tire tube rafts. They can then open their own rafting company and get some dollars from foreign tourists.
 
We had them Hippies before and we now have tons of bideshi climbers. The Hippies came to Nepal to get high and they were happy to crash in Kathmandu. The climbers don’t like to stay in the valley much. They get their own high only after reaching the top of the world.
 
Our comrades can attract millions of Kuirey wannabe communists fresh out of college.  Most of them act like communist until they find a real job.  Instead of offering khatas, our ‘angry birds’ can offer them a red bandana and a hammer and sickle t-shirt each.  Well, it’s going to cost more but you can always add it to the tour package ni. And to get their high, they can participate in them bandas across the country.
 
Instead of hurling stones at the cops and dismantling public railings and sidewalks, our cadres should pick up trash from public roads and make bags, jackets and other creative works of arts. Thanks to Dr. Saheb, we now have tons of debris lying around the city. Baidya could build a new party office from all the leftover bricks, concrete and what not.
 
Baidya dai does not want us to listen to Bollywood songs or watch them Desi movies.  Lot of folks will be unhappy this wedding season when they can’t dance to the latest Bollywood hits.  Our comrades can get into the  ‘DVD’ business and make a killing. After all, the entrepreneurs will find a way to make a quick buck.
 
You can get the new movie for Rs 30 at your local pasal.  If the ban stays, then you will need to pay double to watch the latest Korean flicks. Maybe it would be like the early 80s when we still had neighborhood mini-theaters. You could pay a few Rupees to watch a new flick cramped inside one’s living room with 50 other folks.
 
Dr. Saheb is not leaving Baluwatar soon.  Our opposition wallahs can’t even agree on them protest programs.  If they really want Baburam out of Baluwater then they should all come together and clean up Bagmati river. Clear up all the debris from the road widening projects.  Make sure that all them folks get their bus tickets to go home for Dashain without having to pay double!
 
Our caretaker government has finally realized that it is better to dole out funds to our athletes instead of their own cadres only.  But our athletes will have to do the impossible whereas them cadres get the dough without breaking a sweat.
 
So far, we haven’t even won any silver medals in them Olympics but if you win gold then you will receives Rs 10 million. A silver will get you 7.5 million and win a bronze and take home Rs 5 million. 

Wouldn’t it have been better if they had announced the cash prizes before the Olympics? Well, it might not have helped much but it would at least have motivated our athletes to improve on their records.
 
It’s about time our athletes received adequate stipend and bhatta for some balanced diet. It’s always them hakim sahebs who have all the fun while our athletes can’t even afford to buy a pair of decent training shoes. 

The khel-kood wallahs should organize them national games for all of our netas. Baidya dai is so pissed that he would probably throw a javelin out of the Dasharath Stadium nai.

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