Saturday, October 6, 2012

Breakup Season

It looks like our Janjati and Madhesi (JaMa) netas from the Nepali Congress and UML have finally seen the light. The gang of 36 have decided that they no longer want to be associated with the Kangaroos. And 550 comrades don’t want to hang out with the Unidentified Moronic Losers anymore.

Breaking up is always difficult. You long for the other half even after deciding to walk the other way.  You spend half your day watching YouTube videos of all them great break up songs in history. And you spend the other half of the day, praying that the phone will start ringing again and your former lover will come back into your arms.

But our netas are a different breed. A day after they announce the break up, the former lovers are willing to strangle each other. We really need a psychologist to go through our netas’ profiles. I think most of them suffer from dissociative identity disorder and half of them will fit the profile of them psychopaths as well.

There should be some kind of an annual fitness test for our clowns. We are tired of our netas being driven around in them gas guzzling luxury vehicles around the city of dhulo. For a change, let us have an annual walkathon for our clowns so that they can at least be like us for a day.

We also need a general knowledge test for our buffoons as well. If you want to be a Prime Minister then you should know the names of all head of states in the SAARC as well as G7 nations.  If you want to be a health minister then you should at least know the difference between aid and AIDS. We don’t want our netas thanking the bideshiss for giving us AIDS to develop our country ni.

But for our narcissist netas, it’s always been about their egos. Some of them want to quit the mother ship because the priestly class didn’t give them the top positions. I think someone failed to remind the JaMa wallahs that begging will get you nowhere in the country.

You should follow the ‘Big Bang’ theory. Bang the table, chairs, windows and shut down the party headquarters and burn tires all day long. Look at our Emperor…. If he had stuck to only begging for a republic, he would still be living in Noida and drinking Bagpiper with the Desis.

But now as our netas are busy ripping-off-the-public, the great chairman has his own mini-palace, a full stock of Black Labels and and he gets to hang out with all bideshis.

Some of our JaMa wallahs are disgusted with the top leadership and their body odor and foul breath. Maybe gifting a bag full of mouth wash and Axe body spray would have solved the problem. But our netas never took a class or two on problem-solving hola. The jackasses know only how to create problems. If a smarty pant comes up with a solution then they will all gang up against him or her and make sure that the theorem is never solved. 

The idea of promising us the promised land gives them all opportunities to enjoy looting rather than taking us there because our netas know that if we get there then their life as the new ‘Maharajas’ will end.

Some of our JaMa Wallahs don’t really care about the rights of the minorities… they just want to make a quick buck. Our other Madhesi parties have already shown us that it’s much fun to be a small fish and enjoy half the pie than be a big fish and settle for crumbs. And the rest of them are just happy to be a neta and they are content with the arse-kissing by their karyakartas.

Our  Janjati and Madhesi netas will need a new name for their party. Instead of fighting over the name for the next six months, just go with the initials baroo.  How about ‘JaMaPa’? Or if the Madhesi netas win the coin toss then they can go with ‘MaJaPa’ hola.

Our new single and ready to mingle folks have promised us a new progressive party.  For our city folks, being progressive is about respecting one’s right to party at 3 am in the morning in the middle of the city. 

The JaMa wallahs will need a symbol. We are tired of the hammer and sickle, trees, cows, cycle and other stuff.  I hope our progressive wallahs will conduct a competition so that our creative graphic designers can come up with a cool symbol.

All I can think of right now is a big roti, half wheat and half Phapar! It’s healthy and full of nutrition and it’s time we cut down our heavy bhaat intake so that we won’t doze off in the middle of the day.

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