Goats, Gambling & Good Times

As usual, our folks at the Nepal Food Corporation (NFC) will report that hundreds of khasis have died mysteriously in their warehouses.  No, it’s not the case of a ‘Bad Goat’ disease or some other flu… it’s just that it’s time for our freeloaders to enjoy the free masu. 

The so-called dead goats then come back to life in the homes  of our visionary netas, competent civil servants and not to forget the hardworking staff of NFC as well.

Our sarkari hakim sahebs will get gift hampers from their staff, byaparis and jobseekers. The hakim sahebs will then have to run over to the netas and shower them with gifts. After all, nobody wants to be transferred to the hinterlands.

Our malnourished netas have a week of idleness and what better way to enjoy Dashain than gorging on khasi and raksi!

While we try to figure out how to manage our Dashain bonus, our civil servants and netas will have a hard time trying to fit all them gifts and bottles of whiskey in their  mini-palaces. They will have enough stock to open a liquor shop for Tihar.

We celebrate the victory of good over evil during Dashain. But in this great land of ours, the evil doers are having all the fun while we, the common folks have really nothing to be merry about.

Maybe it’s time we pray for Mother Durga to come back and save us all. If not then we should ask our mothers to open a new political party to save us from the buffoons!

Every Dashain, millions of Nepalis take out loans from unscrupulous money lenders so that they can buy new clothes and a khasi for their families. The Shylocks get away with their outrageous interest rates because most of them have joined a political party or another.

All the great producers of adulterated food products, shady contractors and slimy capitalists seem to be friends with our clowns. So as usual, do expect to pay black market prices for food, transport and other services during Dashain.

Dr. Saheb could have done us all a great favor if he had added a Dashain gimmick to his portfolio of nautanki nataks. How about a ‘One goat for one family’ gift from the government? Well, it’s a alrealy a little too late for Dashan but Dr. Saheb still has some time for Tihar.

Well, only party cadres and contractors get the state funds but it would be a heart-warming gesture if he send us all a 10 Rupee note with a hand-written greeting card.

The opposition wallahs will then condemn it as another natak but at least all of us will get to drink a cup of free doodh-chiya one fine morning ni.

Our transport wallahs will as usual make a killing during Dashain and folk will have no choice but to pay double even to sit on the roof of them buses.

Our domestic airlines are all booked and someday our civil aviation authorities will probably approve a provision to allow air passengers on the roof as well. Or maybe our tourism wallahs can help to promote it as an adventure sport.

Dashain is the only time when our police pals don’t care much about folks gambling in their homes. Tis the time to be merry, drink like a sailor, eat like a pig and gamble like crazy.

By the end of the festival, most of us will have high BP, our sugar level will go off the roof and the pharmacy wallahs will sell tons of antacids. The lucky gamblers will be able to afford a new house while the unlucky chaps won’t even have enough to buy a new blouse for their spouses.

We will be running around, visiting our relatives for the tika-talo, and our byaparis will be having fun overseas. Most of our byaparis now take their family off to foreign lands to spend some quality family time together.

After all, it’s more cost effective since you don’t have to empty your bank account giving dakshinas to your relatives. And their phones won’t be ringing and they won’t have to worry about political cadres visiting their offices for donations to their never ending conventions and chiya paan karyakarams.

Dr. Saheb promised to clear all them debris and construct sidewalks before Dashain. Well, Dashain is here and we are still waiting. Most of our valley residents now suffer from allergies and respiratory illnesses. But our netas really don’t care about us. They are not the ones who have to walk and suffer from all the dhulo.  

Our clowns are more worried about 500cc bikes. How about banning all luxury vehicles instead?   Dr. Saheb should launch mandatory carpooling and maybe we can hitch a ride with him someday.