Saturday, October 13, 2012

Chinese Movies & Brussels Waffles

Baidya uncle and his crew have lifted the ‘Hindi’ movie ban for now. They want us to catch the latest Bollywood flicks during Dashain. I guess our comrades are not worried about foreign cultural invasion during them festivals.

Our neta know us better.  Our political parties do seem to give us a break during them festivals. We really don’t complain about load shedding, water shortages and rising food prices. But if our clowns trample upon our rights to drink, gamble and be merry than there will be another Jana Andolan.

I think we should ask our Hindu astrologers to come up with some fuzzy math and prolong the Dashain festival till the monsoon season.  We can leave the monsoon for our tire-burners and stone hurlers.

Our political cadres can then shut down them highways during monsoon. It will indeed save lives because our government is not even a bit interested to improve the road conditions.

The Chinese are making cool movies nowadays. Maybe our Nepali Talibans… the ‘Baidyabans’  or short form ma chahi ‘Babans’.. should just go ahead and  enforce an ‘only Chinese’ movies fatwa. 

Most of us do understand Hindi thanks to them Bollywood movies and we all can speak tootay-footay Hindi as well.  Our comrades should force us to watch Chinese flicks everyday and then we will all be fluent Mandarin speakers by next year.  Then we can all go to Guangzhou and be byaparis.

The ‘transfer’ season is here again. The Homie Minister and our IGP Saheb have finally struck a deal. Both of them will now get to transfer their beloveds to them lucrative postings.  Somebody should remind our Homie that his job is to make sure that our cops protect the common citizens instead of them con men. 

Our cops are doing all they can with limited resources. Maybe our ‘horrorable’ minister should don a police uniform and finish an over-time shift to get an idea of how hard it is for our folks in blue. 

He should also organize a slumber party inside one of our prisons so that he can see for himself how our inmates are packed like sardines. But our ministers don’t have time to carry out reforms because they are only interested in the moolah. Dashain is here and our cops and civil servants are now in a rush to send gifts of khasis and whiskeys to our clowns. 

The Emperor is in Belgium, probably munching on Brussels waffles.  Them Belgians have had 45 governments in the past 67 years. We will probably get there in the next 60 years hola.

It’s not only our politicians who can’t seem to find a common ground. The Belgies were without a government for like 18 months until they were forced to form a coalition government due to the Eurozone crisis.

If them folks who can come up with mitho chocolates and polished diamonds can’t seem to agree on anything then we still have a long way to go before we can come up with unadulterated gudpaaks that will give them European chocolates a run for their money.

Our netas are only interested in ‘get quick rich’ schemes .. so it’s time to pitch in and organize a MahaYagya so that we can raise billions and pay our netas off to leave us alone. We could help our netas to settle down in them third countries. The EU and the IOM wallahs can helps us hola ni.

A Non-Resident Nepal in Australia has pledged to invest Rs 6.4 billion in the country’s tourism sector.  The guy wants to build a hotel and attract more tourists to Nepal. Instead of offering tax breaks and other incentives, our civil servants and corrupt netas will probably find ways to extort some of his dough.

I think our Emperor should visit Australia before he comes back to face the usual squabbling crowd.  After all, our great chairman loves capitalists like a fly loves a tray of ‘jeris’.

And what about us.. the original NRNs (Nepali ma Residing Nepalis)?  More than half of the population has them cool mobile phones that costs somewhere around US$ 200.

Let’s do some math….  the government could raise at least US$ 3 billion if we all decided to forgo buying smartphones this year... and maybe we can invest in them hydro projects and our highways.  If everybody has a stake then maybe we all will have the strength to kick some arse whenever our political cadres resort to vandalism and bandas ni.

Our patrakars need to go on a strike soon. Our media tycoons invest hundreds of crores to start new patrikas, TV channels and what not. Except for a few major media houses, most of our media wallahs never get their pay on tyam.  They should all unite and stage a sit-in outside their offices. Somebody call the Babans.. they seem to be the only ones pumped up at the moment!

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