Saturday, October 27, 2012

Back to Work

Dashain is almost over and most of us have gained a few pounds due to overeating.  It’s now time to recuperate from binge drinking and wild gambling as well. A lot of folks will have to visit them physiotherapists to learn some stretching techniques.  For a quick relief, one can visit the local Desi barber and get the usual ‘drum roll’ massage.

Some of us will hit the gym and go crazy as if one is preparing for a mixed martial arts fight soon. Some of us will continue to stick to the usual Baba Ram Dev breathing exercises and try out different vegetable juice recipes.  And what will our netas do to get back in shape? Well, after a week of not getting their silly views covered by the media, they must be really itching to go back to playing the blame game and speaking gibberish!

Our clowns promise us a break-through every other month.  I think we do expect too much from our politicians! The only time these buffoons will find a common ground is when it comes to sharing the loot.  

Expecting our netas to stop engaging in corruption is like expecting a pani puri seller to use clean drinking water for them amilo jhol! It will never happen and we are all immune to them both.

Baidya uncle wants Badal to be our next Prime Monster.  Badal dai must have enjoyed his Dashain well gorging on Badel and finishing off a few bottles of chuski! If he gets to become our PM then he will get to enjoy the free state benefits such as free vehicles, guards and chiya kharcha when he is done with his siesta at Baluwatar. After all, it’s all about free lunch for our freeloaders!

I think our media wallahs should organize political debates for our netas. We can have like a league tournament nai.  Our so-called top leaders can participate and our advertising agencies can come up with promotions similar to the European Championship League. 

The top two winners from the league tables will then advance to the knock off stage and the winner will get to be our Prime Monster.  The runner up can go home and practice his or her debating skills for the next year.

We will have SMS voting and the funds raised from the natak can help to pay for the vehicles and chiya kharchas for the lucky winner.  I think our Emperor would probably win the damn thing because he is a stand-up comedian and TV audiences seem to  like funny people. He also has all the dough and he can afford to buy all of us recharge cards to help him win the title. And if that doesn’t work, he can flex his muscles and we will voluntary oblige.

Somebody should call Bhusan dai and ask him to come up with a new TV show for Kantipur hagi!

Obama is busy coining new terms and has been trying his best to get ‘Romnesia’ added to the English Dictionary. The US Presidential race seems to be extremely tight.. well it’s been that way since the Robot and his geeky sighs lost to the class clown!  At least, them Amrikis have it easy… it’s always a fight between a donkey and an elephant! Here, we have to deal with the whole animal farm!

The Amrikis are a different breed. They drive on the wrong side of the road and hate the metric system. Here in our great land of ours, there is no wrong side of the road. You can drive anywhere, any how as long as you are able to squeeze in and overtake the other person.

And if you are really in a hurry to save the world then you can even drive through the pavement. You just have to make sure that you don’t get busted. I hope that one of our ghoos-khoris will one day come up with a treatise on how to get away with everything and anything. I think it will sell more copies than Sun Tzu’s ‘The Art of War’.

The Amrikis have them Electoral College natak. You can still win the popular vote and lose the Presidential election. Al Gore probably wishes that he was born in this great land of ours. Here, you can lose them elections from two constituencies and still get to be a Prime Monster. Maybe, he can come back as a Nepali in his next life and finally get to be our PM.

But it would probably be too late by then. The valley will be without a single tree then thanks to our road widening projects. Our lucky contractors are making something extra on the side and our police wallahs get free firewood to cook their ration! What about us? Now, it would be easier for us to make a sudden U-turn in the middle of the road nai. Now that’s freedom at its best!

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