Friday, December 9, 2011

The Wedding Band(h)

The wedding season is here. Time to buy some ear plugs as your neighbors dance to the latest Bollywood ‘item’ numbers till the wee hours. The party palaces seem to close down by 10 but the music seems to go on forever at the ‘Swagat’ house. Even the aunties seem to be reliving their dreams of dancing like Rekha and Sri Devis hola ni. Or should I say, they will give Rakhi Sawant and Malaika Arora a run for their money.

Our major political parties have agreed to hold local elections by the end of next year. The end is near for the all-party mechanism’s looting spree. At least one party gets to eat the whole cake from then on hola ni.

Maybe we will finally get our local representatives by the next wedding season and hope they do bring out a local ordinance banning all loud music after 10pm. Yes, you only get married once or twice or if you are Rajesh Hamal dai then you might keep everyone guessing hola but disturbing the whole neighborhood seems to be the hot new ‘trend’ this wedding season.

Our competent cops have finally woken up and are now arresting drunk drivers. Hundreds were arrested last weekend for driving under the influence. This is great news but we also need someone to test our cops with the breathalyzers since they seem to be have had more pegs than the arrestees themselves.

And it looks like the ‘bandh’ season is here again with our young cadres of Congress and UMLs taking turns to shut down our cities. The UML wallahs were pissed that only the other comrades were getting ‘free’ money from the Youth and Small Enterprise Self-Employment Fund (YSESEF). Mahesh Basnet, the UML warrior even declared war against the Finance Minister.

Basnet will one day be a mantri and we won’t be surprised but until then he should stop going to war against everybody from the media wallahs to the current mantris. He should follow Gagan Thapa’s footsteps and open a meat stop instead. That’s where the money is but of course chicken prices are down due to bird flu so maybe he can start selling mutton only. And maybe Dr. Saheb can give him some start up money to help this youth with his small enterprise ki kaso?

The Congressis have shut down Chitwan because one of their own got his ass kicked inside the Bharatpur prison. He was doing time for murdering a Youth Force cadre. Our ‘honest’ Home Minister has already suspended the CDO, the District Police chief and the jailor for failing to maintain security inside the prison.

This is the ‘New Nepal’ we already dreamt of where criminals demand better security in prisons while we , the common citizens are left to fend for ourselves. Be it them Congressis or Comrades or the great ‘Madeshi’ liberators, all of them seem to have criminals in their youth organization like we have cockroaches in our kitchens.

And the EU wallahs have decided to place them bandha organizers in their ‘No Visa’ list rey. That’s not good enough. I think they should also stop inviting our netas to try their salmon and other Viking food in their homelands.

The US State department has also lifted our country from its travel advisory. We still want Madonna or Lady Gaga instead of Monsanto! And hope Madame Hillary will do us a favor by banning all netas from visiting USA for their kids’ graduations or house warming parties until they finish writing the constitution.

Our netas claim to work to work for us but they seem to forget that we don’t get free paychecks for not showing up at work like them. Bandhs screw up our schedules. We don’t have the time or the resources to laze around in them resorts and fight over petty issues.

We have to pay our rent on time. We have to pay our kids’ school fees on time. Everyday counts and a day of bandh only makes it worse when we are all barely surviving. We live real lives where prices of food, fuel and (transportation) fare go up every three months while our netas think it’s just a game of Monopoly.

They give their cadres ‘Get out of jail free’ cards. They have amassed enough ill-gotten money to last more generations than Chandra Shumser’s and yet they are not satisfied and continue to hold us hostage by their bandhs and nautanki nataks.

Today, our national team plays Afghanistan in the semi-finals of the SAFF Championship. We are in the final four after twelve long years. Sagar Thapa’s free kick at the last minute is what got us here. Now, let’s hope Dr. Saheb will show us his magic too and bring us all together.

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