Saturday, April 28, 2012

It's all about the money....

The Mumble Bee hardcore faction has decided to activate the ‘People’s Volunteer Bureau’ and it looks like Baidya Daju and his crew really want to take to the streets and start a mass uprising or something. But we don’t have a King to kick around anymore. We will have to do with an Emperor now and Shree Aath Maharaja has made it clear that he has a magic wand that can make or break a party rey. If our Emperor wasn’t a politician then he would probably be a world-class magician today.

The PLA commanders don’t have a single paisa left in them bank accounts and I guess our YCL cousins will have to start sending out greeting cards to our byaparis and tender-wallahs if they want to go home with some cash this Dashain.

Our security personnel may not have adequate resources to investigate anything but they do seem to have psychic powers or must have hired former disqualified or disgruntled PLA combatants as informants. Our police wallahs are finding weapons hidden in drums in remote villages. Now, if they had the endurance to walk a few more miles up the hill like our Apa dai, then they would certainly find PLA’s hidden stash of cash somewhere hola.

Our major political parties really do love them meetings but somebody should remind them that they would have saved us some money if they had met at Ratna Park over badam and suntala instead of spending millions so far on them resorts around the Valley.

Our visionary netas must have signed an agreement somewhere to disagree on nearly everything except when it comes to sharing the loot or making sure the so-called lawmakers get free perks and what not. All our former prime ministers and home ministers will once again get free vehicles and fuel and security. The PMs will even get living quarters and so will our president and the VP rey.

Why are our netas so hell bent on handing out state facilities to each other? They should write a book or go on speaking engagements all over the country and make some moolah rather than enjoy free rides and benefits at the expense of our taxpayers. But of course, who wants to hear them spew venom except their cadres and if they ever wrote them books, it would probably be re-used for environmentally friendly packages for badam and chana-chaat-pawt hola.

Our clowns now want to have a jumbo legislature…with 325 buffoons getting paid to do nothing but doze off in parliament. The only time they will probably wake up is when somebody dangles some free gaadis and suitcases full of cash to vote for some deal. That’s the way it is…our netas make millions while we, their minions can’t afford to buy onions!

And now our comrades want 10 provinces and they want to make Chitwan, the new capital of the federal rip-off-the-public of Nepal. If Chitwan is going to be our new capital then why the hell did Dr Saheb and his crew make us suffer from dhulo-mulo thanks to the road widening projects by shoving some ‘road’ rule from the 70s?

I think we are fine with 14 zones and 75 districts but of course if you were to ask our great netas to name all them places then they would probably call you anti-national and bull-doze you with some random gibberish. Maybe we should just go back to where we started and have 22-24 kingdoms instead and let our stooges rule like Maharajas. After all, that’s what they have been doing for the last four years… innit?

And according to our traffic police chief, DIG Rai, everyone from restaurant owners, senior police officers, to Kathmanduites who had to cut their homes in half, are trying to defame him and his division. Our traffic wallahs are doing a fine job. They have managed to collect more than 7 crores in fines this year .

Yes, our drunken masters are now worried about going bar hopping at night and nobody even puts on aftershave these days in fear that the breathalyser might catch something. Kathmanduites are not happy with the dhulo-mulo from the road widening projects. And senior police officers are not happy with the 15 percent cut given to traffic wallahs hola. But DIG Saheb, you should know better…most of your seniors and juniors who have built mansions in the city are not corrupt… they were just lucky chums who got big fat dowries from their in-laws kya.

Thirty years ago, bribes were passed under the table. Twenty years ago, everybody decided to just place it on the table and now our netas just demand bribe over the phone nai. By 2020, our netas will probably have their own websites with the price list hola.

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