Saturday, April 7, 2012

Squeeze in ... please!

The road widening natak was supposed to clear traffic congestion in the Valley but due to hawa-taari planning and lack of co-ordination among them sarkari agencies, we will all have to get used to more dhulo-mulo this summer.

And when the monsoon comes, the war zones will be more hilo-gilo and we will all end up on the streets because now, even the old sidewalks are just piles of concrete mess!

Our clowns, civil servants, and cops don’t really have to worry about using the sidewalks or walking on the streets because we pay for their free rides and free lunches as well.

Our hakim sahebs are out of touch with reality (they were never in touch anyway)…maybe they should just walk to work one day and see for themselves that pedestrians have to suffer the most as they compete with the bikes, gaadis, and party cadres who love to organize ‘flash mobs’ in the city!

And the new proposed sidewalks in the war zones are big enough to fit only four year olds and only if they walk in single file. Sorry, we are Nepalis, be it pedestrians, bikers or the crazy micro bus wallahs, we all like to hog the road!

Instead of wasting billions on the so-called ‘volunteer’ campaign and giving ‘free’ dough to party cadres, why not open ‘Single File Walking Club’ chapters in the country and give us some walking shoes, chana, chiya, and gas masks so that we don’t breathe in all the dhulo-mulo?

As always, our government won’t have the money because citizens do not figure in their ‘free lunch’ list. Although it doles out billions of rupees every year to all political parties and paketmaars to organize their cultural programs and what not, the ‘real’ jantas get no respect while fake ‘VAT’ bill wallahs get all the love!

If we were to do a poll, we’d find that the only folks who knew that the thing called ‘Nagar Bikas’ existed were the ones who were getting ‘free’ salary since 1977. Yes, Dr Saheb and his crew are hell bent on giving us wider roads by following some plan from the 70s.

Maybe, the land-full people of Kathmandu should align with the landless people in the Valley and start a joint-struggle committee to demand alternative land or housing arrangements for everyone!

I am not against road widening projects but it would have been better if they did one neighborhood at a time instead of going crazy with them bulldozers (owned by Ganesh Lama dai!). But we really can’t blame Dr Saheb and his visionary advisors. After all, they have always excelled at bhawt-kaa-ing (destroying) stuff than bana-ying (building) anything!

Now, Dr Saheb is going crazy with his ‘clean Kathmandu’ campaign. It’s a good start to see our sarkari hakims holding brooms for the first time in their lives and doing some sweeping even if it was for a photo-op.

We would all have applauded if Dr Saheb had taken a whole day off and went on a ‘sweeping’ binge by cleaning up Singha Durbar but he had a busy schedule so he just observed our civil servants sweeping for a few minutes rey.

Of course, he is the Prime Minister and not a ward chairperson or a mayor ni, but he seems to act like the mayor of Kathmandu sometimes! And our civil servants will be fined Rs 100 if they don’t put their trash in the dustbins inside Singha Durbar rey.

C’mon, we are a republic now (more of a ‘rip-off-the-public’) and we should be more inclusive hoinuh ruh? So let’s end the discrimination and apply the ‘fine’ system to everyone!

Maybe Dr Saheb can save billions of rupees and just get the national volunteers to act as ‘fine collectors’ as well. The reason why people continue to drive without their ‘blue books’ and the byaparis continue to sell adulterated products is because of the low fine system and soft punishment.

We could follow the Scandinavian ‘based on your income’ fine system thing but then our netas and their chamchas would pay nothing because they are the only ones who have a hard time figuring out how much they make in a year. It’s very hard to keep track when everything is done under the table kya. Maybe we can start fining violators based on how much their mobile phone costs.

Our government wants us to set aside one day’s salary and give it to some fund they plan to launch soon to help the people. I think Oxford Dictionary should change the meaning of this word in their next edition (if they come out with a South Asian version!).

In shark (SAARC) countries, when the netas talk about doing it for the people, then it means that the party cadres will get to share the loot while the rest of us get the boot!

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