Saturday, April 14, 2012

Gun & Boots to Gumboots...

Our visionary netas must have saved all the nataks for the end of the year or they just wanted to wrap things up so that they could celebrate the Naya Barsa without a hangover.

The only people who really don’t have to take them breathalyser tests are the blue-plated bideshis, the patriotic flag flutterers driving around in them sarkari gaadis and the distant relatives of the traffic wallah on duty. For everyone else, it’s better to stick to Fanta!

Finally, the PLA arms and cantonments are now secured by the Nepal Army. We were all shocked not because the PLA and NA soldiers were high-fiving each other but because our government decided to begin the handover process a day or two earlier. Whatever happened to Nepali tyam?

Our Emperor claims to have really gambled with his ‘handover’ move. If he hadn’t decided to resign a while ago then maybe our freeloaders would have finished writing the constitution by now and the peace process would have concluded sooner hola.

The great gambler sure knows when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em but sooner or later, he has to go all in because the poker game can’t go on forever ni.

Four years and billions of rupees in chiya kharcha and bhattas later, we are still hoping our netas will get their act together. The bideshis are now applauding the so-called progress of the peace process while we are just happy to go along with the circus act. If one could get a Nobel Prize for bragging and whining then nearly all our great leaders would have won the Peace Prize by now.

But it’s never too late bhancha ni! We will probably get a half-baked constitution on May 27 and then it’s time for another round of wasting the taxpayer’s money with the general elections. But that’s better than being stuck in a rut!

Our netas have a month and a half now to figure out how to get everyone on the same page and give us a new constitution. I guess we should just hold our breath and expect our magicians to pull some tricks a day before the CA’s term ends.

The banda season has arrived. The Janamorcha banda was mild compared to bandas by the other political parties. I think they don’t have enough hooligans and mundrey gundas. If you don’t have enough goons then your party won’t be taken seriously at all. And you need to be friends with folks who own second-hand tyre stores as well.

A banda is not a banda without vandalism, tyre-burning and harassing common citizens who have to go to work.

We have to thank the Baidya faction for keeping the ‘torch rallies’ and chakka-jaam festival alive during the banda season. Baidya uncle is probably the last of the Mohicans. I think he hasn’t finished reading some books about them revolutions in the early 1900s hola.

Somebody please give him the new editions. Most of our comrades are teachers and we can’t blame them for sticking to their notes because it’s much easier to teach the same stuff every day than revising and adapting to the ever-changing world.

The Janamorcha wallahs don’t want federalism, the Baidya faction just wants to go for a revolt and nothing else while the Lord Vishnu fan club wants to go on a door-to-door campaign to revive the monarchy rey. And we, the people, want a cylinder of cooking gas so that we can at least get a cup of chiya before we head out to work every morning.

Kathmandu is now a cleaner city thanks to Dr Saheb and his crew. He has been busy sweeping and shoveling around town. It is very inspiring to see him and our sarkaari hakims cleaning up the Bagmati river. We really have moved on…from guns and boots to gumboots.

But the week-long ‘Clean Kathmandu’ campaign has ended. Kathmandu Metropolitan City did a fine job by spending millions on over-priced gloves and masks. I guess they will never learn…why do you need chiya kharcha for everything?

I don’t think we will see the KMC folks cleaning anything from tomorrow onwards and things will be the same again. Maybe, the government should make it mandatory for all citizens (yes even the civil servants and corrupt clowns will have to join in the fun!) to participate in a cleanup campaign once a week.

An hour will do…and we can save billions of rupees because we will be buying our own masks and gloves instead of letting KMC do some hina-mina!

Dr Saheb’s Mustang did not inspire any of his fellow cabinet wallahs. His ‘gumboot’ might not inspire us to clean Bagmati hola but it will surely help us to navigate the streets this monsoon.

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