Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Abu Kay Huney Ho?

I went to our tole baasi ko meeting today.... and we were supposed to talk about Nagar Bikash wallahs and why the hakim saheb did not forward our letter to his bosses even after we had asked hamro chettra ko CA member-ni to give us her autograph... but instead of worrying about when the crazy so-called 'Road Warriors' would show up and start demolishing ghars shars in our neighborhood... we spent like an hour talking about politics!

The lawyer dai, who thinks he should be a Supreme Court Justice (someday?) says, 'During the Indira Gandhi administration, back in 1963, tyeti bela ko desi cabinet had passed some secret resolution rey..' Yes, the Desis had planned way back then that they would take over Sikkim by 1990 and Nepal lai 2015 vitra haat paarney rey! Well, the Desis didn't have to wait much to gobble up Sikkim hagi!

I really wanted to get up and say 'Ye bahula, I think Nehru was still alive then and his dauhter Indy didn't become the Prime-Minister-ni till 66' ni!' but I just wanted to hear how the guff-suff followed after then kya... so I decided to shut up! I know Indy became the PM-ni in 66' because that's the year England won the World Cup!

No, I wasn't born then... but I have always been a Enggie fan since I was in the first grade till 1990! Then I stopped watching them World Cup nai.. hehe! I have even stopped supporting Liverpool .. switched to Nottingham Forest now.. haha! (use google baba or mata if you don't get my jokes hai!)

Well, he might have meant 'Nehru' hola but who comes up with all them conspiracy theories? I don't know... I thought only kaam napaa-yeko guffadis hang out at Chiya pasals and get their dose of 'daily conspiracy theories' in this town but I guess I was wrong. Even 50+ budos like to talk BS rahecha!

Then another uncle, probably in his 60s joins the guff session. "Ho ... (as in 'Yes' ni feri..), Mailey pani yo kura muh college pawdney bela ma soonay ko thiye!" Yes, we also heard about how Dippy dai would be the last Shah king back when we were kids. Tyesto po ho tuh prediction bhanya... Nostradumbass can eat bhootya chew-raaa!

Abuh kay cha-hi-yo hamro lawyer babu lai... he then goes on and on... about how you can get this one and only book .. tyo pani only in Delhi rey... and tyes ma lekhya cha rey ..... China will take over Tibet and Nepal will be another Sikkim by 2015 rey!

Whoever has written this book must have drank too much 'funny' water during Holi hola! Abuh 60s ma lekhya kitab (ani late 50s ko kura predict garecha gadha lay!)... it's like Guffadi writing a book now and predicting the death of Gaddafi. He is already read.... you can't predict the past ni bewakoof!

I have no idea what I am trying to say... but lawyer-ji added another guff... 'The Indians had sent 400,000 troops to Sikkim to surround 384,000 Sikkimese rey!'... I guess his dad was working for the Sikkim Census Bureau then hola ni!

Well, we won't be another Sikkim because we don't have king-ji anymore! Unless, India decides to close down them borders and when we have no fuel for like a month or two then we might all take to the streets and ask our Lord Vishnu to come back hola ni.

Well, that's how Biru dai had to back down (tyeti bela them fuel suel didn't matter ... I think it was more chini, noon or ghee hola!) and Gyanu dai had to go back to playing poker online and quit running the country like he ran his businesses after the Desis got tired of giving free lunch to our current Shree Tin Maharaj!

Why is Gyanu dai still going around the country, visiting them temples and bajaa-ing them ghantas? Pahila pani tyetro puja garya ho ni... kehi kaam lagyo tuh? Buy some new clubs and go play some golf at Gokarna Forest Golf Club baroo!

But lawyer-ji tells us 'India will close down them borders for two months after May 27 rey!' Ani everything will go crazy in Kathmandu! I guess he's also tele-pathetic hola.. hehe! I don't know if he read my mind or my smirk gave out!

I was getting irritated by all them guff suff. I am supposed to be the 'guffadi', the one with the stupid jokes ni.. hehe! Tyes pachi, another grumpy old man got tired of all them jpt guff hola.. he got up and shouted.. 'Kay taal ko ho ... kay ko meeting bhaney-ruh bola-yo malai.... sabai saan-shud haroo ko bhela po rahecha!'.

The old man headed for the door and on his way out... told everyone that our netas are full of sheet but they will compromise and give us a half-baked constitution and leave some room for kay bhancha ni... pachi ko laagi amendment saw-men-d-ment etiyaadi.

Then we head for another election selection (feri hamrai paisa jhwaaam!)... while them PLA combatants will get new 'army' jackets and ration paani... and stay inside them army barracks eating glucose biskoot rey! We all know that nearly all them PLA combatants in them cantonments were actually members of them Mao-buddie cultural groups kya. Baroo... yeso dance sance classes haroo run garey hunch hola abuh NA ko barracks haroo ma!

The meeting is finally over.. we decide to visit Nagar Bikash tomorrow at 10am sharp because the hakim saheb is home by 10:30am rey! Life is good for our sarkaari bhaat-eys hagi!

Ani.. I get home... (dal bhat chapa-ing!) and wash them dishes! It's been the rule since someone invented fire kyaaruh.. The last person to eat dinner gets to wash them dishes.. hehe! I am a bad cook.. I only know how to make home fries (rato dhulo khursaani halyo bhaney it becomes "Alu Dum") .... I think I was a dishwasher in my previous life! And I was a good one then pani!

Ye.. lau babal paani parna thalyo.. asina pani jharey-cha .... we all love the rain .. don't we? Ye.. euta geet yaad ayo.. back in 1997, Missy Elliott had this cool track.. The Rain ki kay ho... something like that.. supa dupa fly... I can't stand the rain bhan-chin tyeti bela... wrong song po bhayo tuh .. anyway tyeti bela ko laagi tuh cool video thiyo tyo... then she lost weight and she wasn't cool anymore!

p.s. Former IGP Motilal Bohara lai Special Court lay 18 mahina jail sajai suna-ye-cha. Lawyer-ji tells me he will get to appeal rey... taruh yeso soonda chai Bohara uncle pani aroo IGP haroo sangaw 'marriage' khel-nuh pauney bhayo rey!

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