Saturday, May 5, 2012

Corrupt Chors & Conscience

Our dishonorable former minister and now, a former convict, Wagle dai should be nominated for the Nobel Prize or something. Well, the natak outside the Dillibazar jail upon his release looked like he had just won one of them lucky prizes from our major dailies.

A foreign tourist on an extra-tight budget looking for local vyar vyar momos in the area would have mistaken Wagle, with all those khadas, for a mountaineer who had successfully climbed Everest. And the former convict was grinning happily as if he had won an election and was about to go around town for a victory rally.

I think our tourism entrepreneurs should take out a rally in the Valley to protest such gross misuse of khadas. It looks nice on our tourists as they get the khada welcome and a free drink. I guess we use khadas for everything now.

Attend a wedding and you will find the newly-weds with khadas growing around their necks. It’s all good because it’s the beginning of a life-long relationship for them and they are being blessed ni.

Go to an inauguration of an event or school or some expo and you will find that everyone has been khada-fied. Now, that’s not good because most of the political VIPs gathered at the dais are not worthy to be blessed. But of course, God is not like a ‘Nepali’ politician who only blesses his cousins, cadres and contractors!

God does not discriminate but Kamal dai should practice some more and conquer the tennis world rather than going around town, braying for Lord Vishnu’s comeback! Sorry…I meant praying hai! What has happened to this land of yours and ours? The chors are busy celebrating while the common citizens are meekly counting change after spending all their salaries for a little gaas, a small baas and a few kapaas!

And then we have our Parshuram, the bus conductor turned gangster turned local contractor turned political youth leader. The don from Biratnagar surrendered to the police this week after hiding for months. He was wanted for

sending his goons to attack his rival and a journalist from a major daily as well. The former khalasi turned khalnayak now has a beer belly and a funny mustache like some actor in them South Indian movies. We can all bet our pocket change that this guy wasn’t hiding in some bunker. He was probably holed up in some hotel enjoying mutton curry and beer hola.

Someday, this ‘Pashu’ will probably be a national leader of a political party or he might make enough dough from his ‘tender’ skills to form his own party. Well, the don has been granted bail and he was seen walking around the court house wearing a fool-maala…I guess bhai tika came early for this guy! And he is celebrating as well because he didn’t have to go to Mamaghar and play card games all day with the constables.

Everybody is into restructuring these days. And now, Chief Saab wants to restructure the army. I think our national army has taken a cue from the politicised police wallahs. Yes, we need more Generals in the army because the Majors are not getting promoted anytime soon kyaaruh.

By the time we are done with dividing our country into provinces, we will probably need thousands of new vehicles for all them provincial assembly ministers and NOC will finally go bankrupt after supplying free fuel to millions of freeloaders and their cousins.

Then all of us will have to live near the Indian border so that we can just walk to the nearest Indian petrol pump with our jerry cans to get some fuel hola ni. And if you are not from the same province then you will probably have to pay out-of-state tax to get a can of petrol hola ni.

We are a small country and we are proud of it. The Sheiks in Dubai can spend billions of dollars to create a fake mountain but God has given us the original stuff. But if you are really into science, then thank plate tectonics.

Now it looks like our netas really have an inferiority complex. Size does not matter hoinuh ruh? I guess our netas want to match the size of the government, cabinet and them gaadis with their egos. I think it’s about time our clowns get free vouchers to visit shrinks and get some counseling.

And now they are more worried about forming a new government than wrapping things up. It took them four years to figure out that it would be better if we had a national consensus government with a small twin-otter cabinet than a jumbo one. What we need now is a ‘national conscience’ government!

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