Saturday, May 12, 2012

Do they really care about us?

The far-western region has been shut down for the past two weeks and our so-called government is not worried about the shortage of food and medicine in the region. Well, our netas get free cooking gas and petrol from our hakim sahebs and they can always take an air ambulance or hop on a plane to foreign lands for medical treatment at our expense ni.

Our government sends hundreds of police wallahs to thrash both homeowners and landless families in the Capital but is scared to deploy security personnel to break them bandas. After all, most of them banda wallahs are affiliated to the major political parties and you don’t want to thrash your vote bank ki kaso?

And now, we have hundreds of ‘struggle committees’ around the country, carrying out bandas to pressure the political parties to address their demands. We, the people, are not asking for much. We are not expecting gaas, baas, and kapaas from our clowns. We just don’t want bandas anymore.

We just want to send our kids to school and be able to buy a packet of noodles or chuira or sugary-juice for their tiffin kya. We want to go to the hospital when we are sick and we want to take a bus to visit our relatives. Even the banda organisers got stuck somewhere due to the banda rey.

While the rest of the folks don’t have any food or medicine, these ‘struggle’ wallahs seem to have a direct supply line somewhere. Or maybe they just stored enough food to last them a month or two. And our police wallahs are busy doing nothing. Even they seem to have no fuel and food. I guess they will just have to stay inside them police stations and talk politics like the rest of us.

Dr Saheb, didi, and our Emperor visited the villages hit by the Seti Flood. I think someone needs to remind our comrades that showing up for a photo op and announcing some relief package is not going to cut it. Our government officials still haven’t figured out how many are missing and the local authorities have not even been to the villages hit by the flood. What are they waiting for? Maybe they want a free heli-ride like our netas hola ni.

And our great priestly and warrior castes are not happy with being in the ‘others’ list. They really want to join the crowd and be added to the ‘indigenous’ bandwagon. Thank god they haven’t demanded a province of their own or else we might have to declare the Pashupatinath area an autonomous region as well. But they should not worry too much...we may disintegrate into 420 kingdoms and have new maharajas, but they will need the courtiers to run their countries ni. So there will be jobs and riches for the ‘wise’ ones.

Some folks are happy that our municipality wallahs have finally evicted them folk living along the banks of Bagmati river in Thapathali. Now, some of our real estate wallahs can once again pay someone at the maal-poat to register that land in their names hola. The government can build them parks now or they can use it to train our security personnel on chemical or biological warfare. You need a gas mask to hang out around Bagmati today and nobody is really interested in cleaning the river anyway. If one can stand along the banks for 15 minutes then it will probably clear your sinuses. Maybe Ram Dev Baba should organise a Yoga Fest. Let’s see if he can stand the smell without doing his headstand or something.

We all know that you should not encroach public land unless you are transferring wealth from the feudal lords to the ‘people’ like our comrades, but why did our municipality wallahs let them folks build those houses there in the first place? Well, it all comes down to Dashain kharcha hola ni. And now we have a former Mayor to look after them bato ghato and what not. Keshav dai wants to clean up the Bagmati river. He wants to build parks for lovers so that they can dream about their future without wearing gas masks. He wants to move them petrol pumps outside the ring road area. I think he should add them government colleges and ministries on his list as well.

It would be better if we just appoint him the mayor of the Valley. And the first thing he should do is ask our clowns to move out of BICC so that we can use it for expos, parties, and conferences. And where will our CA clowns go? They can all hang out at Thapathali along the banks of the Bagmati.

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