Saturday, May 26, 2012

A banda to ban all bandas?

The Banda season is in full swing so I guess our tourists will have to leave now. Our banda wallahs want to top each other and make our lives miserable. The Priestly and Warrior castes are now in the indigenous list. It’s good to be in the ‘list’ than be left in the ‘others’ section ni.

What about our LGTBI community?. The Home Ministry has finally agreed to give them citizenship under the ‘others’ category. Maybe they should also carry out a banda and demand their own state hola. Since everybody wants one, why not give them a piece of the pie as well? Everyone wants their rights. But of course, nobody seems to be interested in fulfilling their responsibilities.

And then we had our ‘original’ indigenous crowd shutting down the country for three days. I think they just wanted us to spend some quality family time and not wander out in the streets.

But we can only stay home for a day and be a happy family and after that we all need our space kya. Kids can’t stand them Desi serials. Parents can’t understand why their kids are glued to their laptops all day, watching YouTube videos. Then it gets complicated and then we will need them netas in our homes to have us sign the TV-sharing agreement.

The ‘indigenous’ wallahs wanted us to stay home and recover from inhaling them particles from dusty roads. I think some of us were productive cleaning our homes but when the domestic help doesn’t show up then it’s more of a crisis for many Kathmanduites.

Even the cycle-wallahs didn’t get any breaks this time. The previous Banda wallahs were into hawa-fuskaaing … but ‘Indie’ crowd dismantled them cycles in less than 60 seconds. After the cycle is banged, thrashed and flung over quite a distance, it will probably take an aeronautical engineer to fix it.

The media wallahs were attacked. Ambulances weren’t spared either. The patrakars had to make sure they left their homes with their IDs but even that wasn’t enough to satisfy them banda wallahs. I think our patrakars should stop writing about our netas, their chamchas and their nataks. All them banda wallahs are affiliated to our political parties. So, at the end of the day, we the people get played by our netas! I guess the joke is on us .. as usual!

Maybe our media should just boycott all them press meets and mass meetings and what not. Our netas can use their own chamchas to upload their guff suff on YouTube ni. Rishi Dhamala should close down his ‘shop’ and do the ‘Great Himalayan Trail’ trek or something.

And we really have to thank our police wallahs for doing their job. They were on duty for 20 hours a day during the recent banda rey. The government has even decided to give them Rs 200 per day as ‘banda’ over-time allowance. Great… maybe they should be paid more to just stay home. After all, why spend our money, wearing them Robo-Cop outfits and do nothing as rowdies vandalize vehicles and attack people on the streets?

Everyone expected the FNCCI’s peace rally to show them clowns that not all of us are into division or multiplication. Some of us just want to go to work, pay our bills and have enough water in our buckets to take a quick shower when we get back home. The sequel did not live up to the hype. The indigenous crowd had their own rally at Basantapur so we had to move to Durbar Marg.

FNCCI should have enough dough to rent Rangasala for a day. I guess they are saving their budget for the ‘Investment Year’ thing hola. Even Rajesh Dai was in the crowd. I think the best song for them peace rallies would be late Michael Dai ko ‘ They don’t care about us’ . Somebody should come out with a Nepali translation, tyo pani Dohori style ma.

Maybe FNCCI should have asked our advertising agencies to come up with something creative. How about everybody showing up at the Emperor’s palace in Lazimpat and blowing vuvuzelas all day long?

Well, our clowns want to extend the term of the CA again. The Supreme Court tells them to stop it and give us a new constitution or start again. What were our buffoons doing all this time?

Everybody has carried out bandas in the past few weeks except our mothers. I think it’s now time for all the women in Nepal to take to the streets to carry out a banda to ban all bandas … except the ladies from our government colleges who are more skilled in stone-throwing than their male counterparts! Dear clowns, you may not listen to the people or the court but at least listen to your mothers, wives and girlfriends kya!

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