Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Violence for Votes

It seems our clowns and their cadres will never learn to fight fair and will continue to use all the dirty tricks they can come up with to intimidate their opponents during the election campaigns. Why do our netas need the help of hooligans to win from their constituencies? Why can't the so-called cadres just stick to chanting political slogans and greeting the voters instead of carrying out bandas and hurling stones and petrol bombs against each other?

Our political parties are buying bicycles and saris for potential voters. Maybe they should have opened 'fair price' shops and sold aloo and onions for a few Rupee less. With the way them food prices are rising, we won't be able to afford to eat aloo chops soon. Most of us are already vegetarians not because we would like to but buying a kg of mutton is like 10% of our salary.

Some of our political parties are handing out caps and t-shirts. The summer is already over. How about coats and jackets for the winter? But the mundrey gundas who have found part-time jobs with the parties get new bikes and wads of cash. And the temporary police wallahs don't even get decent housing and will not receive even full salary for their work during the CA election. 

It's ironic that our government does not have enough funds whereas the political parties have enough dough to charter helicopters and what not. The byaparis submit fake VAT bills and evade taxes while the political parties collect 'voluntary' taxes from them byaparis. Most of our hakim sahebs have mini-mansions in the valley. We are still waiting for the day when common folks get some benefits from the state

Our clowns are busy violating the election code of conduct  and  instead of taking action against them buffoons, the EC wallahs only seek clarifications in writing. I guess our hakim sahebs at the Election Commission (EC) must be busy shopping for Tihar. 

Our cadres are busy attacking their rivals. Instead of using knives, bamboo sticks and rocks to fight each other, why not settle their differences over a game of football? Yes, organize a knock-out football tournament in the district and have them cadres participate in it. 

The political parties can share the revenue from selling the tickets instead of extorting byaparis all over. And the candidate of the winning team can then organize a victory rally in the district and promise to win the FIFA World Cup by 2030. Is it possible? No, but it has better odds than us having 40,000 MW of electricity by then.

It's Tihar. Maybe our cadres should put on them deusi-bahilo program and sing and dance instead of bashing each other up. Our candidates should have hired 'dohori' singers and organized concerts in their constituencies. I think that would be more effective than boring voters with their same old 'hawa-taari' guff of how they will make Nepal a developed country in a decade or two. 

Instead of handing out free gifts to voters, why not hand out brooms to your cadres and ask them clean up our neighborhood? Our clowns should  deploy their cadres to help us clean our homes for Tihar. I guess that would not be violating the election code of conduct.  And after the clean-up program, the candidate can then organize a chiya-paan karyakaram. While we drink tea, samosas and onion pakoras, the clown can then tell us why we should  vote for him or her.  

Our helicopter companies must be fully booked this month. Our so-called netas are busy using them choppers for their election campaigns. The EC has allowed the use of helicopters in several remote areas but our clowns are busy using them to places where they can reach by vehicles in a few hours.

It's useless to have a code of conduct for our clowns. They think they are above the law and our EC hakim sahebs gently request the buffoons not to violate the code again instead of punishing the guilty ones.  The EC has even formed a high-level panel to take action against the violators and has also deployed 'flying squad' teams in the valley to make sure that candidates do not violate the election code of conduct.  So don't be surprised  if you see a bunch of pot-bellied men wearing  'Superman' costumes, flying around the valley. 

Somebody needs to remind our political parties that it's about time they stop using their 'old school' strategy to win the votes. Instead of winning the hearts and minds of potential voters with clear goals and vision, our clowns resort to the same old violent nataks of assault, intimidation and threats. Somebody needs to provide new textbooks on 'election campaigns' to our clowns. 

Maybe our bideshi donors should have organized some workshops for our cadres on how to play a fair game instead of just doling out millions for the CA election.

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