Saturday, November 23, 2013

Happy Winners & Sore Losers

Our Emperor is mighty pissed that he lost from Kathmandu Constituency No. 10.  A day before the election, everything was fine and dandy. A day after, our comrades now smell conspiracies and blame vote rigging and other nataks for their dismal performance this time.

Our Emperor didn't just lose by a few hundred votes.  If he had then  he could have asked for a recount but this time, he has come third. Half of the folks who voted for him the last time decided to give the other guy a chance.  So what went wrong?

The voters must have not been impressed with his money and muscles. Instead of moving to Lazimpat, our Emperor should have gone to Kirtipur to live as a home stay guest. Instead of drinking bideshi whiskeys and hanging out with foreign spooks, he should have moonlighted as a part-time taster for the local aila producers and hung out with the locals. 

If he had spent the last four years there then he would have been fluent in Newari and learned some of the dance moves for the local jatras. Then he could have impressed the local voters with his skills. But nope, he was busy living the good life.

Our comrades were surprised when they secured the highest votes during the previous CA election.  But this time, they are shocked with the results and are now blaming the rest of the world for conspiring against them. 

There will be ups and downs in life. And it's not like there won't be any other elections in the future. Our comrades should learn to be patient instead of acting like juvenile delinquents.  

Instead of acting like sore losers, our comrades should accept the results and show us all that they will work with others to write the constitution. After all, our major political clowns have promised us a constitution within a year. But our comrades now warn us that they will boycott the Constituent Assembly and will not be part of the constitution-drafting process.  

Our Emperor had promised Baidya Ba 26 CA seats before the election. Maybe the Kangaroos and The United Mules should offer 26 more seats to our Emperor and his courtiers. But of course, our comrades wanted the majority but the voters turned them into a minority. So let us all expect more bandas and nautanki nataks from the losers.

Even if Baidya Ba and his angry birds had not left the mother ship, the results would have been more or less the same. Our Emperor could have saved millions of Rupees if he had watched 'Sajha Sawal' regularly on TV. The people were not happy with our comrades.  I guess somebody forgot to tell them that they had not done much except blame others during the previous CA. 

The rest of us knew that they would not be getting as much votes as in the previous CA election but I guess our comrades were too busy with their nataks that they forgot about the voters.  

If our Emperor had spent some time at local chiya pasals then he would have known that the voters would not be giving him and his party another chance. But of course, he was busy flying around the country and didn't have time to listen to the masses.

Yes, if it weren't for our comrades, we wouldn't be having Constituent Assembly elections.  Yes, it's because of them that we are a Republic. But instead of ripping off the public, our comrades could have lowered the food prices and sent the corrupt and shady contractors to jail. But they turned out to be no better than the previous clowns. 

The old school wallahs will now be running the show.  We are not expecting much from them either but they too have gotten another chance to clean up the mess. And if they fail, then they too will suffer the same fate in the next election.

Hope our winners will find ways to bring the sore losers back to the CA building and work out their differences to give us a constitution. Gagan Thapa is a winner. And let's hope that by 2020, he will become our Prime Minister. I think Thapa should start his own party in the next election and the 'dog' wallahs can join him.  

Deuba is still the Maharaja from Dadeldhura.. Sushil Da has shown the world that you really don't need to speak much to win the election whereas our Emperor has shown us that no matter how much you brag, boast and toast, whine and dine… you will still lose if the voters are not happy with your nataks. 

Makune is a happy man.  He lost twice and became our Prime Monster. He has won this time and we might have to make him our President.

Yes, let the winners rejoice and the losers should evaluate their performance this time and figure out what when wrong.  All we want is a constitution and no more constipated political deadlocks.  Now, somebody needs to give our clowns some laxatives.

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