Make up your mind

I hope most of us have already made up our minds on whom to vote for the upcoming CA election. If you want Lord Vishnu back then you better back Kamal Thapa and his 'Mahabarata' crew. If you don't like any of our clowns and want to stay home instead of standing in line for hours to cast your vote then you can offer your moral support to our Baidya Ba and his friends. 

The angry birds are looking for those who are good at hurling stones and torching vehicles and if you have such skills then this is the right time to apply. But don't expect much chiya kharcha because they don't have much funds like the Emperor and his courtiers.

If you still believe in the 'old school' wallahs then you can vote for the 'tree' and the 'sun'.  But don't expect them to come up with a 'green energy' plan anytime in the future. 

If you still want a revolution and want gulags for your enemies and riches for your friends then it's safe to vote for our Emperor and his friends.  But of course, you are not going to make any dough unless you are related to the comrades or have a bunch of get rich quick schemes by draining the state coffer.

Baidya Ba and his crew plan to go ahead with their banda natak from Monday. But the 33 weaklings have made some changes to their 10-day circus acts. The 'boycott' wallahs plan to take a few days off in between the banda.  

I guess Baidya Ba and his crew now know that it is not possible to carry out even a week-long banda.  After all, you will need lots of dough to feed and house them cadres.

Our Emperor and his courtiers did shut down the country for a week when Makune was growing organic tomatoes in Baluwatar. But the general public were more pissed rather than being inspired to join their natak. And our weaklings know that they will not win any brownie points if they carry out a 10-day straight banda.

Our Emperor has promised Baidya Ba 26 seats in the upcoming Constituent Assembly but the angry birds are not impressed with the proposal.  Maybe, they would have called off their boycott natak if they were promised 26 SUVs and a truckload of cash.  

The 'boycott' wallahs are busy torching vehicles of candidates across the country. I hope our political parties have insured their vehicles. This is the right time for insurance companies to come up with TV advertisements to promote their vehicle insurance programs.  A cadre torches a vehicle and an insurance agent stands right next to the vehicle, ready to write a check to compensate the vehicle owner. 

The West has once again issued travel alerts for its citizens traveling to Nepal.  So if you are an American, Australian, Canadian or British then you will need to be cautious and not plan your treks in Nepal for the coming month. 

The only person who has not received the travel warning yet must be the  former US President Jimmy Carter . He is coming to town along with few other high-profile foreigners to observe the CA election. The Carter Center will have 50 observers from 27 countries, taking notes and making sure that we have a free and fair election.

The Carter Center had their observers during the first CA election in 2008. Maybe, this time, the foreign observers should strictly go to the Madesh and the hills instead of just hanging out in urban areas and taking pictures and enjoying their vacation.

November is like the peak tourism season for Nepal. I think Nepal Tourism Board should come up with new publicity campaigns to attract more westerners to the country. Come to Nepal and join the rallies and take as much pictures as you like. 

If you are white then nobody is going to pick on you.  The cadres will be more than willing to help you out with their different poses for your pictures.  But if you are from SAARC nations or from them ASEAN countries then make sure you tell them that you are a foreigner because most of you will look like a Nepali until you speak out in your native tongue.  

Even the South Americans tend to look like Nepalis.  But they can be safe, if they wear 'Messi' football shirts and teach the cadres how to Tango or Salsa.  

Let's hope our government will be successful in conducting the CA election with very less violence and other nautanki nataks. Let's hope that our clowns will then work together to find a common ground to write the constitution and lift this country out of a coma. 

After all, all we can do is hope that our clowns will finally come to their senses and do the right thing instead of dragging us all down with their mutual understanding to disagree on everything except when it comes to looting the state coffer.