A Mad Man's Manifesto

Our political parties think that we, the common people are fools.  That's why they keep on making outlandish promises during election season and expect us to believe them.  We have seen what our clowns are capable of and yet we continue to hope that they will mend their ways and finally get this country on track. 

The road widening project is a clear example of how things are run in this country.  The Lazimpat-Maharjgunj area has them Embassies and the President's House. Gyanu Uncle also lives in the area and so does our Emperor. But it seems that it doesn't make any difference to our Thulo mancheys. After all they all ride in them luxury vehicles and don't have to walk or take public transport.

Our netas come up with outrageous plans to make this land of ours a developed country within a decade. Even the fortune teller in Ratnapark thinks it's not possible and would rather let the parrot fly away then make the bird pick up fortune cards and rip off the public.

Well it's already been more than two decades and we are still waiting for water from Melamchi so that we can take a shower without worrying if we will have enough water left to wash our clothes. We are still waiting for the 10,000 MW of electricity our parties promised us five years ago.

The Nepali Congress and CPN-UML have promised us that Nepal will be a developed country in ten years and yes, once again, we will have 10,000 MW of electricity by then. Our Emperor and his party are hoping to rule us for the next 40 years. Maybe that’s why they have come up with a 40-year-plan to make Nepal a superpower.

The Maoists could have just copied and pasted some of the stuff from the Chinese Communist Party's playbook. The Chinese change their leadership every ten years.  If our Emperor can promise us that he and his chums will step down after ten years and retire in Rolpa then maybe we would give them another chance to make it right. 

If our netas can't come up with any new economic policy then just follow what the Desis and the Dumpling gang did many decades ago. Our political parties don't want foreign investment in the country. They are just happy receiving chump change from foreign hands for their own party and cadres.

If we were to follow the Emperor's plan then Nepal will be a middle-income country in the next twenty years. The Maoists hope to make Nepal a high-income country after that. The only folks who will have high income then will still be them contractors, civil servants and cadres. The rest of us will be left high and dry.

The Maoist manifesto tell us that our comrades plan to achieve such growth through intense development. Yes, maybe if all our political parties can mobilize their cadres to work in our farms then we can at least minimize imports of agro-products from our chimekis.

In the next 40 years, our per capita income will be US$ 40,000 if all goes well according to our Emperor's economic revolution.  You can get a few annas of land in the outskirts of the valley with that money now. In the next 40 years, you will probably get an inch of the same land.

So why not just raise our hopes high and tell us that all of us will be making at least a million dollars by then. That would be possible only if we were all hired as personal assistants to our netas.

Our comrades also plan to end load shedding problems within three years.  The only way it will be possible is if the government gives us all free generators and fuel. The Nepali Congress and the CPN-UML plans to produce 5,000 MW of electricity in the next five years.  

Maybe our major political parties should just invest their funds earned from extortion, bribes and shady deals into our hydropower projects and bring an end to the load shedding natak. But our netas are only interested to loot the state coffer and enjoy free lunch.

Our political parties plan to create hundreds of thousands of jobs in the next few years. The Maoist are going a step further and will eliminate unemployment in the next 15 years.  Our manpower companies better start diversifying their investment because if that happens then there won't be any dough left to make by sending our young folks to foreign lands to work under inhumane conditions. 

And maybe it's time to shut down the Nepal Tourism Board (NTB) and save millions of Rupees in promoting Nepal overseas because our political parties have their own master plan to attract millions of tourists to our land.  

We don't know how our clowns will achieve all their promises but we now know that they are not only corrupt and incompetent but also crazy and delusional as well. Our clowns should seek psychiatric help instead of even thinking about governing this country.