Ready to Rumble

It looks like Dashain has come early for our incompetent clowns. Our so-called visionary netas were all happy to file their nomination papers for the upcoming Constituent Assembly (CA) election.  

Most of them were wearing tikas, khadas and wearing garlands of flowers as if they had just come home after fighting a big battle with their invisible enemies.  If there is a shortage of flowers for the festival then we now know whom to blame. 

Let us hope that they will tone down the celebration when some of them will win from their respective constituencies.  While common citizens are worried about where to get some dough to buy a Khasi for Dashain, our clowns and their cadres are busy calculating how much Dashain dakshina to collect voluntarily from our fake VAT bill wallahs, shady contractors and corrupt civil servants. 

After all, you need notes to win the votes. And if the cadres don't get their chiya kharcha then they will probably help your opponent to win the election instead.

Our Emperor is once again battling it out in two constituencies and so is Dr. Saheb and other top leaders from the other political parties. Even Makune has not lost hope. He lost in two constituencies in the previous CA election and still became our Prime Monster. If he loses again then we hope to see him as our President.

Our Emperor will be facing a wrestler, the 'Himalayan Tiger', a slapper, who managed to at least get up close and personal with the Emperor and other weaklings in Kathmandu Constituency No 10.  The 'Himalayan Tiger' should challenge his opponents to face him in the ring. 

Our Emperor will probably send a bunch of cadres instead. After all, he is not someone who is going to play by the rule. And the slapper will probably win a few sympathy votes but at the end of the day, King Kong will use his supernatural powers to get elected.

The big boss has all the money and muscles and he is more than likely to win from both Kathmandu and Siraha. And then he will probably vacate the seat from Siraha and the EC wallahs will have to conduct another election and waste more money.  

Let us hope that the EC will ask the government to amend the laws in the future and bar candidates from standing up for election from two constituencies.  

Dr Saheb is not happy with being the King of Gorkha, he now wants to be the Governor General of Rupandehi as well. He will probably win from both places and he will leave Rupandehi and we will have another election to choose another clown to have fun at the CA.

In this land of ours, it's not about winning the hearts and minds of the voters. It's all about hiring mundrey gundas and making sure that even the dead folks get to cast their ballot. Our political parties will continue to extort from byaparies for them elections and then loot the state treasury when in power. 

Across the border, our beloved Laloo Prasad Yadav is going to jail. It has taken the Desis this long to go after their netas. So don't expect our current batch of clowns to land in jail anytime soon.  Laloo was once the 'King of Bihar' and his stint as the Railway Minister won accolades from around the world. 

But all looting must come to an end someday. And it's Laloo's time to go away. Maybe one day, we will have a special court that will finally gather all the evidence needed to show us all that our clowns are nothing but crooks masquerading as our leaders. 

Let's all feel sorry for our Kollywood star Bhuwan KC. I guess the Unidentified Moronic Losers don't like his acting skills. Bhuwan dai should have joined the Maoists instead. But his 'romance' skills would look lame compared to that of our Crown Prince. 

Thank God, the polygamist Prince didn’t get a ticket or else he would have been updating his Facebook status every few minutes. But his lover seems to have won the heart of our Emperor. So even if the son is no good, the new buhari seems to enliven the mood. 

And the Emperor should spin it and tell the media that the only reason he decided to dole out the tickets to his daughter and daughter-in-law is because he wants more women representation in the CA.

Our clowns have no remorse that because of their stupid nataks, we are spending billions again to conduct the CA election. And we will spend a few more billions to pay their salaries for another few years and we are not even sure if they will finally manage to come together to write a constitution. 

Our new CA clowns should do us all a favor and forgo their salaries and perks this time around. Maybe then they can take all their time on their own dime to figure everything out.