United States of Nepal

Our corrupt and incompetent government tells us that we are a 'New Nepal' where Kings don't rule anymore. Yes, that’s true. Gyanu Uncle is no longer getting 60 karods from the state but he still gets a few dozen security folks. But we now have to deal with hundreds of mini-Maharajas and thousands of their courtiers. 

Where did we go wrong? Our political parties take the credit for ending the rule of House of Shah but it was us the people, who took to the streets to tell Gyanu Uncle that he had to move on. 

We have no choice but to believe in our political parties and hope that one day they will change for good and work together to build a peaceful and prosperous Nepal. 

But so far, our buffoons have been busy dividing us over ethnicity and provinces and what not. And yes, our clowns and those in power have been prosperous and continue to enjoy full security that would even shame the President of the United States! 

Our civil servants are the same. They have not even changed a bit since we became a Republic. Instead, our clowns, civil servants, contractors and con artists are busy ripping off the public. Our security forces are still corrupt and are paid from our tax money to boot and shoot the people while protecting the politicians from the common folks!

We do not want a totalitarian regime again but it looks like our politicians will do their best to make sure that we, the people get the least amount of opportunities, resources and basic services from the state. But those  in power, those who are out of power and those who have been to jail for corruption continue to receive vehicles, security and chiya kharcha and even hard cold cash from the state. 

We have been fooled again and again by our politicians and unless we take to the streets again to kick out the mini-maharajas as well, not much will change in this beautiful land of ours. 

Is it the air we breathe or the dhulo mulo or the water we drink that makes our thulo mancheys corrupt and we the people happily pay them chiya kharcha to get our job done?  

This country has been a mess since Prithivi Narayan Shah began his 'united states of Nepal' mission. He did a fine job then but after that it was all downhill for this country and so far we have yet to climb up ever since. 

And let us thank our politicians for working day and night to take us back to the pre-unification days. I think our historians should take out the old rusty books from somewhere in the country and help our politicians and civil servants figure out how we can have like 50 states in the country again.

Yes, let us be the 'United States of Nepal'. Then we can also tell the rest of the world that we come from the US. Let us change the color of our passport from green to blue so that when we, the people who have ordinary passports stand in line in front of the immigration officers in foreign lands, we will get the same respect as the Amrikans. 

Let us even get rid of the so-called 'Westminster' system of parliamentary government and go with the 'Amriki Presidential' natak. 

It is only then possible for 'Dhurmus' to lead us all out of this mess and make this country great! If we continue to stick to the current natak, we will just have a bunch of political parties sharing the power and the loot!

Let us have only two political parties instead of hundreds. All the communists should unite and be a single party. But please change the name. We all know that our communists are not real communists like the ones they claim to be. 

They are all fake like the Marlboros and Amriki dollars made in North Korea! And our Congressis and other political parties are not social democrats like they claim to be. They are all chors and they lack morals, integrity and character and are driven by their self-interests. 

We started the year with the blockade and we will end it with our own mini-blockade in the capital where most of our roads have been dug up. Somebody needs to tell our government that it is better to finish one road at a time instead of making it look like we are preparing for trench warfare with an invisible enemy. 

Maybe Baidya Ba can ask his cadres to get as much practice as possible in the dug up roads in the valley to prepare them for their great dream to invade India.

We had comedian Oli as our Prime Monster in the beginning of the year and we will end it with our Emperor once again living in Baluwatar and doing nothing. Time Magazine has its 'Person of the Year' natak where a person, group or even an object gets to be on the cover. 

Trump is that person man this year because for the first time in Amriki history, a man without any political or military experience has been elected the President of the United States. 

I think we should have our own 'Person of the Year' thing in Nepal. Yes, Ghising should be honored for his role in ending load shedding in the valley and Dr KC is a warrior fighting the medical mafia and the crooked politicians but Nepal's Person of the Year is our own Dhurmus and Suntali. They have shown us that it is possible that even without the help from the government, it is possible to rebuild the homes, lives and dreams of the people. Long Live Dhurmus and Suntali! 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

For the People!

Our former King Gyanu Uncle tells us that our national unity is under attack and he is worried about all of us. The question is that were we really united before that now we do not get along that well?  

Our leaders from the days of the Shahs to the present day Sharks have never made any effort to unite us all. They want to rule by force and fear instead of asking for forgiveness for their sins and helping the people to accept their differences and celebrate our diversity, their only intent is to grab power, loot the state and the people and live like Kings.

It seems that our so-called thulo mancheys only worry about the country and us citizens when they are no longer in power.  If Gyanu Uncle had thought about the country then he would not have invited mandaleys and con artists to be a part of his rule then. 

If Gyanu Uncle had thought about the people then he would have brought all the political parties together and let them sort out the problems in the country instead of trying to be a Superman. Even superheroes need to make deals and in this country and if we do not make deals with the Desis, our thulo mancheys will not get to rule over us. 

And our thulo mancheys only think about the people after visiting foreign lands especially our chimekis. Gyanu Uncle was in India and China recently and he must have met with real experts who finally made him aware that our politicians are only running after vote banks instead of actually helping the country with their province nataks. Our Madhesi parties only want the Madhes for themselves while most of us want each and every province to touch the hills and the plains.

Our politicians seem to be more worried about Gyanu Uncle rather than trying to figure out a way to resolve the political crisis in the country. Our Home Minister threatens to open the case of the Royal Massacre and find ways to blame Gyanu Uncle. Yes, we will never know what really happened that day but we can only move forward and build a better nation instead of only talking about the past or blaming foreign forces for all the mess in this country.

Our Emperor tells us that we should not take what Gyanu Uncle is saying lightly. I think someone should remind him that not many years ago, he wanted to make a deal with the former King and share the power and the loot as well. 

Our Doctor Saheb goes a step further and tells us that Gyanu Uncle's statement is a crime against the state. No, it's not! Is Gyanu Uncle advocating the overthrow of the government, is he planning a rebellion or selling this country to the highest bidder? Nope. Gyanu Uncle is not a politician. He is just another citizen like you and me. Just because he wants to tell us what he thinks doesn't mean that the man has to be tried for treason?

Why are our politicians worried about what he has to say when they are not worried about what millions of us think about them? How can one man who no longer has the support of the military and the majority of the people scare our corrupt clowns? 

We all know that monarchy will not be back anytime soon. We can't predict the future but we have no one to blame but our politicians who screw it up and allow the opportunity for the folks on the right to be at the center stage. If our politicians keep on bickering over petty issues then  our right-wingers will get the opportunity to play their card and might even get to be on the front seat again.

Gyanu Uncle should take some tips from the former Royals across the border. Why not open a political party and be a Chief Minister of one of our province someday instead of still hoping for a comeback to sit on the throne?

Who knows, his new party might win enough seats in the next general election to be a member of the ruling coalition and even become our Prime Monster one day?  We never know how our politics think and how they act and react to the situations in front of them. 

Our politicians tell us one thing and then do completely the opposite. I guess, when our politicians tell us that they will work together to resolve the political deadlock then it actually means that they will do everything in their power not to solve the problems of the land but further create more problems. 

So, when a politician says 'Yes'  it means a 'No'. No wonder, our politicians promise to eradicate poverty, end corruption and practice good governance. In reality what that means is that they will loot us all and make us more poorer, promote corruption to the max and make as much moolah as possible while in power and they have no respect for the rule of law at all. 

Instead of being open, transparent and accountable, our government and those in power get away with everything while the common folks get nothing. 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

1 Katha + 3 Tola = Billions?

Let us all congratulate our incompetent government for finally making public the property details of our ruling clowns. If our clowns followed the law then they should have submitted their property details within two months of sitting on those 'money making' kurchis. 

But who cares about the laws of the land anyway? Our lawmakers are happy to be lawbreakers and it is with great pride that they break the laws routinely and defy the Supreme Court and even get to continue to loot with impunity. 

Our bunch of thieves must have been busy calculating their net worth or they were trying to figure out what to add and what to omit from the list before submitting it.  And it took them four months to let us know how many tola of gold, silver and other stuff they have while it would take us common folks, a few hours to come up with the list of our personal assets. 

We thought that our Emperor was worth billions with his investment in property, cooking gas media, telecom and what not. But we were wrong. If we are to believe him, then the man has nothing while his spouse has only 1 Katha of land and 3 tola of gold. Only late Sushil Da was worth less because he had only three mobile phones to his name.  

Our Emperor is right when he tells us that he has nothing. His investments are in the name of his cousins, relatives and friends. And it's surprising that our Prime Monster doesn't seem to have any cash at all. Maybe he just spends all his salaries and chiya kharcha provided by the state and has zero balance in the bank. Somebody needs to teach this man how to save for the future!

Our politicians live like Kings but to finance such lifestyle they must make at least a few lakhs Rupees every month. If they only depend on salaries from the State then how can they continue to live the high life? Do they have byapari friends who pay their house rent and provide them with expensive bidhesi whiskeys every other day?

Our Deputy Prime Monster and Home Minister Bimalendra Nidhi is a rich man. Nidhi is the man who wants to transfer police wallahs not because they don't do their job right but because they do the right thing and not listen to the Home Minister's orders to release his criminal cadres or look the other way when it comes to criminal activities around the country.

He claims to have bought two ropani of land in Bhaktapur with his salaries and allowances. Maybe he can teach us all how to be a saver and not a spender. Yes, we should all learn from our politicians when it comes to saving as much as possible and making sure we have enough funds for retirement. 

But the only difference is that our politicians make millions of Rupees in chiya kharcha from our civil servants, contractors and con artists while we the people have to do with whatever we earn in a month and on top of that have to worry about how to pay our kids' school fees, how to manage our budget during medical emergencies and where to look for loans to enjoy the festivals.

Nidhi also has 19 bigha of land in Dhanusha district. But like most politicians in the country, most of his property is in the name of his wife. It seems that most of our clowns do not own any property at all. But they seem to love their wives and everything is in the name of the spouse. 

It's a good thing and we hope the wives of our politicians will one day see the light and donate most of their property to charity or sell it off and help our kids and women in rural areas of the country who lack access to good education and health care instead of only sending their kids to foreign universities and buying apartments in New York.

Our other Deputy Prime Minister and Finance Minister Krishna Bahadur Mahara is a poor man. It's hard to believe that as a Finance Minister, he makes no dough at all. 

We all know that most of our big byaparis in this land evade taxes, submit fake VAT bills and pay off our netas and hakim sahebs Karods of Rupees so that they can get away with Karods themselves. Mahara has only 80 grand in the bank. I guess the other boras of cash are in a water tank somewhere!

And we should not blame our politicians for being corrupt. After all, they need to take good care of their families, need to take care of their cadres and also raise funds for their party as well. So they are in a pressure to perform for their party, cadres and cousins while forgetting the country and its citizens!

Our Health Minister Gagan Thapa tells us that he has shares in more than forty companies in the names of his family members. I think Gagan should teach us how to invest in the stock market and make a reasonable profit. How does he keep track of his stock portfolio? 

We all know that our netas do not disclose all they have. If they really told us the truth then our Emperor could be in the Forbes List of Billionaires. It's not only our politicians who seem to live in mansions, ride around in luxury vehicles and enjoy the good life. 

Our hakim sahebs also seem to be able to afford mansions in the valley with their salaries alone.  If you really want to make it big in this country then either you memorize everything in front of you and get selected for government service or take a course in advanced public speaking and get involved in politics.

If you take the civil service route, you will have to not work hard but be smart to navigate the rough waters where you will need to come up with ideas of how to extort from the service seekers, share it with your hakim and get promoted faster than your colleagues or even your seniors. 

If you take the political route then it's risky but worth the starvation and frustration in the early years. If your political party gets into power and you are lucky to be a mantri then it's time to cash in.

We the people don't get any respect because we only dream of making our lives better. Our clowns get all the respect from bidhesis because they dream of making their lives better while the country loses everything.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

How to end the deadlock?

Our Madame Speaker has been meeting our so-called top leaders of major political parties to resolve the political crisis in the country. I think it would better if the Speaker just stayed at her residence and did a group Skype with our old fogies and save us a few liters of petrol. 

Instead of meeting with our crooks, she should just go on live TV, show a big stick and maybe a few carrots as well and tell our stupid netas to get their act right. Well, it is the job of our Madame President to tell our so-called top leaders to show political courage and compromise to take this country forward. But our President is busy cutting ribbons here and there and that's about it.

We all know that our politicians are crooks and instead of thinking about the long-term future of this land, they are only interested in short-term personal gain that will help them enrich themselves but make this country and its citizens poorer by the day.

Yes, this beautiful land of ours is always in turmoil when it comes to the political nataks. It seems that our ruling clowns and the opposition wallahs cannot find common ground to end the political deadlock.  

The usual natak of not agreeing to anything except when it comes to looting the funds meant for the people continues till this day and will continue even when our ruling clowns become the opposition and the other parties run the government. 

Oli and his crew tell us that the amendment bill brought forward by our incompetent government is anti-national. Well, it seems that all of our politicians are anti-national because instead of resolving the political crisis, they seemed to be engaged in petty issues and have personal conflict among themselves. It's about time, our politicians let go of their big egos and just get done with resolving the political deadlock. 

Our opposition wallahs tell us that they will keep on disrupting the House until the amendment bill is withdrawn. Our incompetent government tell us that everything will be fine even though it does not command a two-third majority votes to pass the bill. Instead, we are told to prepare for the local polls soon.

Dr KC just recently ended his hunger strike but we all know that our government will not carry out the reforms demanded by the 'crazy' doctor. Who wants to bring an end to the kickbacks you can get from allowing byaparis to open new medical colleges all over the place? Who wants to stop appointing their own chamchas to head government institutions so that they can embezzle millions of Rupees and share it with our netas?

We have not had local elections for the past two decades and we have no one to blame but the man who will live in Baluwatar after our Emperor is done with his nataks. Our major political parties promised us that we would have local elections after they delivered the constitution. 

Well, we have a constitution but it seems that half of the country does not accept it and we still can't get it right when it comes to how many provinces we need. Oli even told us that we would have our mayors and ward chairperson soon after he became our Prime Monster.

It seems that the people want local representatives in our wards and municipalities but our political parties are the ones who would rather not have local elections so that the all-party mechanism can continue to loot our funds.

So how do we agree on the number of provinces and its boundaries? How do we bring our opposition wallahs on board and bring an end to the political deadlock in this nation? Who holds the magic key? Maybe, we should ask Ram Dev to come and live in the House for a month. 

Begin the day with his stomach-wave routine and breathing exercises and make it mandatory for all of our lawmakers to attend the morning yoga session. Then Ram Dev can ask our clowns to stand up and tell us all on live TV what is bothering them. 

After listening to their grievances and frustration, then Ram Dev will pass on the judgment and our clowns will have to happily accept it and then we can move forward and live happily ever after.

Why Ram Dev? Why can't our politicians listen to our experts, civil society and the public when deciding what is right for our country? We need people like Ram Dev because our politicians only listen to the foreigners. They give them VIPP treatment and our politicians, even our President rush to meet the bidhesis as if they are our saviours. 

If Ram Dev is not acceptable then we can send our netas to Trump Tower in New York City and arrange a meeting with the President-elect of the United States. 

Maybe Trump can come up with a solution because he seems to have an answer to all of Amrika's problems and wants to make his country great again. We have never been great but we can try to be great for once and Trump may just have to use Google first to find us and then give us his opinion.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

The People vs the Parasites!

It seems that we the people have different priorities like how to manage our household budget, how to find better and affordable schools for our kids without having to take a loan from the bank or if you live in the valley then how to handle the 'no load-shedding' thing! 

But our parasites are in a different zone. They do not have to worry about paying their bills because they get to enjoy the 'no work, but yes pay' natak from the state.

We, the people really don't care if we have provinces or not. We have been doing fine since the 17th century when the House of Shah united this country and we will keep on moving forward, taking care of our families by working hard either here at home or abroad even after the House of Fools break up this country and we longer exist as a state.

It is only our politicians who want provinces so that they can continue to misuse the authority and the resources provided by the government. Instead of a few hundred lawmakers enjoying the loot, we will have thousands. 

But what about the millions of us, who have no choice but to go abroad to make a decent living while the chors live a good life by gobbling up the resources and opportunities meant for the people?

What was wrong with the five development regions from the days of the Pancheys? We  see nothing wrong with former Pancheys enjoying state perks and political powers today?  Then why do our politicians think that anything associated with the 'old' is wrong? 

Yes, we are not the same old Nepal anymore. We are 'new' where nothing has changed at all because the hakim sahebs and our netas continue to steal from all of us while we seem to be helpless to do anything to stop the evil doers from ruining this beautiful land! 

If our politicians were really smart then they would not have brought this mess of trying to divide this country into provinces. I think somebody should buy world maps and gift it to all of our Constipated Assembly (CA) members! I guess our lawbreakers need to take some lessons from our Geography Department at TU! 

Yes, Amrika has 50 states. The Desis have 29 states.  and we had 14 states earlier but now our politicians think we will do go with seven. But the people would do great with none.

Our politicians could do us all a favor and just work on the five development region natak from the past and just make Kathmandu Valley, a federal district like the Amrikans do with DC! We all know it will take our politicians at least another twenty years to build a new capital city. 

Just follow the 'Melamchi' model. And the possibility of having a second, third or even fourth international airport in the country has the same odds as our country generating 10,000 MW in the next ten years. 

Yes, it is possible but our politicians and civil servants make it impossible because they have nothing to gain if the country and its people prosper. We, the people are true patriots because we love this land and we want to live with each other in peace. We do not put our political glasses when we look at each other. 

We do not see our chimeki as our enemy, well, only if he encroaches on our land. But look at our politicians, the real traitors who do nothing to help the people but only make time for con artists to cook up new schemes to loot the state. It's sad that our clowns and civil servants  have no idea how to make our chimekis happy and reap the benefits of being right in the middle of the two emerging giants.

Yes, our politicians blame India for trying to take over Tarai from us. Well, how long can our clowns keep on fooling us with the same anti-Indian nataks. We heard it well during the Panchey days. We still hear it today. We are still angry with India. 

Well, yes, the blockade thing was nasty and some of us are even mad today because Modi bhai decided to surprise us all with his ban on old 500 and 1,000 ICs. Well, that's his business but why on earth did our Nepal Rastra Bank tell us that it was okay to accept them notes more than a year ago when it was not okay to even bring them in the country before that?  

It seems that banda season has already started early this year. Our folks are not happy that our clowns want to split some of our hills from the Tarai. Our Prime Monster is not happy that the United Mundrey Leaders are not happy with his proposal to do so. 

I think our Emperor should just quit politics and become a film director instead. He directs the Education and Health ministers to address the demands of Dr KC after nearly three weeks since the doctor began his hunger strike. 

He seems to be directing here, there and everywhere. He is a good actor as well and we have seen him dance with one of our Kollywood star as well. What's next for our great magician? We don’t know. 

We will just have to wait for him to leave Baluwatar and welcome 'Pajero' Deuba back who will resolve the political crisis in the country by offering nothing to the people but everything to the parasites. 

Let us all ask for forgiveness from our ancestors for continuing to accept and tolerate the nataks from these chors! Let us pray for DR KC and send a message to our government that if they continue to ignore the people, then who will douse the fire once it starts to burn all over the country because your cadres will take to the streets when you tell them to but when we take to the streets then you better start running!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Pickpockets Empty Our Pockets!

Our lawbreakers have endorsed a bill to increase their salary and chiya kharcha. I think our lazy bums are really out of touch with reality. They have no shame and instead act like this country is their personal property and can be divided and sold to the highest bidder for their own personal gain. 

I don’t know who gave them such idea but it's time we sent our lawbreakers to meet up with the shrinks so that we can at least figure out why are they so eager to loot us all. 

Was it because they had a difficult childhood or was it because they were just too lazy to find real work and make an honest living? Or were they Kings in their previous lives and now had to steal from all of us to maintain the lifestyle they lived then?

Our psychiatrists could help them overcome the mental illness they seem to be suffering from and achieve better mental health! Maybe, hypnosis could cure our netas! Yes, people do quit smoking, quit drinking and who knows, our clowns could quit looting through hypnosis. Wouldn't that be great for this country? 

Then, finally we would have honest politicians with morals, integrity and character. And instead of only thinking of how to exploit the system and extort from everyone, they would for a change think of making this country and our lives better.

Our pickpockets will receive Rs 124,000 from the next fiscal year! It seems that our politicians want to reward themselves for procrastination. I think we should have a 'no work, no pay' system for our clowns!

It will take an average Nepali more than a year to make what our lawbreakers will get in a month. Why is there no outrage when our politicians continue to loot the state treasury to fatten their bellies? 

We have already spent billions of Rupees feeding these greedy pickpockets and it seems that they will not come together to resolve the political crisis in the country. Instead, they will keep on asking for more perks while delivering nothing.

We all know that our political parties have yet to agree on the names, number of provinces and boundaries and what not. Who knows, we might even be lucky enough to witness CA Part 3 and our politicians can waste another decade doing nothing while the country goes down in flames. 

When it comes to sharing the loot amongst themselves, our clowns cross party lines, come together and support each other. But when it comes to doing something good for the country, our clowns blame each other for the mess we are in, accuse each other of being foreign stooges and threaten each other with bandas and what not!

While our clowns pat each other for raising their pay and perks, our doctors at Teaching Hospital have decided to boycott the out-patient department to support the ongoing hunger strike by Dr KC! I think we should also support Dr KC and his demands and wear black armbands to work. 

Whenever we see our politicians riding around town in luxury vehicles, let us all wave black flags to show our displeasure or we can go a step further and learn from the South Koreans when it comes to organizing mass rallies.

It's been two weeks now since Dr KC started his 10th hunger strike. Our Health Minister Gagan Thapa is in China. Thapa did visit KC a few days ago to inquire about his health. I guess Thapa can't do much and he would be better off if he resigned now. 

He could win some political points and at least tell the world that he did try to help the doctor but the mafia was just too strong to fight against during the next election campaign!

Our Prime Monster doesn't care. Why should he? He has already accomplished so much in his 100 days in office that he can take credit for the way this country is moving for the next decade. But what must we do to pressure our incompetent government to address Dr KC 's demands? 

Taking to the streets will not be enough for our government. We cannot act like savages and destroy public property like the cadres of our political parties. We cannot block our highways, shut down our schools and businesses and hurt ourselves. Our netas and their cadres can do that because they don't have to go to work and make an honest living!

We cannot ask the Madam President to help out because she is busy cutting ribbons and making sure Ram Dev Baba open up factories for his ayurvedic products in this country. Yes, Ram Dev has promised to help this country with the profits from his factory in Nepal. Yes, our billionaire NRN Dr Mahato is partnering with the Baba. 

Who knows, one day, the Baba's shop could sell everything you need from birth till death! And we can ask him to at least brew some herbs that we can offer to our politicians and civil servants to cure them from various ailments that make them misuse their authority and loot from the state and the people!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Mafiacracy!

Dr KC is right when he tells us that the mafia runs this country and our civil servants and clowns work together to make sure that criminals both domestic and foreign make tons of money so that they too can get a piece of the loot!  

We have heard about a bunch of Eastern Europeans running around town, stealing money from our ATMs. They should have known better. If they had been kind enough to involve one of our corrupt clowns in their act, they would have left the country with their illegal stash after paying the commission! 

But when you get too greedy while stealing money that does not belong to you then you are bound to get caught if you don't share the loot with our evil doers! 

Our government's motto is 'Sharing is Caring!'. Share the loot with the civil servants, contractors, cadres and con artists but give nothing to the common folks!

The mafia is present everywhere. Our byaparis sell us adulterated products and the government can't do a thing. Well, they do take action against such folks once in a while by shutting down their shops, asking them to pay minimal fine and the next day the chors open their shops and do the same natak again!

Our bus wallahs rule our highways through their syndicate system that prevents competition and deprive better services for passengers. Our private hospitals and private schools charge fees that would even make a bideshi from the West go crazy is he or she does know how to do the math!

Our civil servants offer tons of cash to our netas so that they can get lucrative postings or promotion. And now our government is thinking of finding ways to get rid of the current Police chief by introducing new regulation or link him up with Lokman or some other natak. Yes, get rid of the IGP saheb and get a new one. 

At least the one who sits on the kurchi will then have to pay at least ten Karods. We all know that our hakim sahebs in government agencies have to either pay to get the top spot or even if they are lucky and get appointed without offering cash, they would still have to find ways to make money for our ministers or else will get the boot!

Our incompetent government has made no effort to even respond to Dr KC's demands even though it's been almost a week since he began his 10th hunger strike. We all know that our netas want to see the doctor dead rather than honor his demands and reform the medical education sector in the country! 

Maybe our netas have a bet with each other on how long Dr KC can last this time. Our politicians will probably visit him in a few days and promise to fulfill his demands again.  

How long can we stand aside and look while our criminal elites make all the profits while they take this country down the drain? I think Dr KC should stop his hunger strike and open a political party instead. 

Well, Baburam has one and so does the Bibeksheel wallahs! But will Dr KC's party be different from them or the rest of the pickpockets out there? I think it will.  

It's about time, we all got behind the doctor and urge him to start a new political party. Yes, we need a movement. Amrika has gotten Trump, let's get KC to lead our movement and show the world that you don't have to bigot to lead a movement.

Our doctors plan to organize a peace rally in Kathmandu today to support Dr KC's hunger strike. But rallies and support will not make our government bend backwards. Our government promises to fulfill his demands and then he breaks the fast and then after a few months, our doctor has to go back to his hunger strike because the government doesn’t do anything at all.

Dr KC wants the government to honor past agreements but so far our clowns have not done anything to reform the medical education sector because then they would lose millions of Rupees in kickbacks from our medical colleges who need affiliation to fleece our students!

How many times must KC go on a hunger strike before our government acts and does something good for the country? Instead, our government is busy doling out millions of Rupees to our netas to seek medical treatment abroad. Why on earth would Sujata Auntie need millions when she is already worth billions? 

We all know what happened to the hundreds of thousands of Nepali passports that went missing from our Foreign Ministry. We all know who made millions or even billions from illegal VOIP nataks? 

We all know how much our Nepal Airlines lost during the 'Kangaroo' days decades ago. But I guess, our netas still want free lunch from the state even when they have already made millions of Rupees by looting the state treasury and  from extorting our civil servants and contractors!

When will we all stand up, take to the streets and protest and even prevent our netas from flying to foreign lands to seek medical treatment.  If you really have to go, then why not go to India? 

Yes, Modi bhai could even provide free treatment to all our lawmakers and civil servants. Our thulo mancheys run to India for help be it during elections or scholarships for their children or to seek political support to topple the government. But why do they want to spend our money in Singapore, Thailand and the US when the Desis can save us some money? 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

God Bless America

Amrika had the chance to elect the first Madam President but it failed and now, the world has to deal with Trump. The world is shocked that such a man could win the Presidency of the United States. Well, the Amrikans are different from the rest of us. They drive on the other side, they don't care about Celsius, Kilometers and Liters! It's Fahrenheit, Miles and Gallons!

A day before the election, Trump was an outsider who wanted to not only rock the boat but get on it and sail away for another four years. Well, that's what he has managed to accomplish and he gets to sit in the Oval office and have fun! 

Trump is right when he tells the world that this was a movement, and people voted for him not because he was qualified but they were tired of the establishment and wanted to break the status quo. 

We can no longer call him a sexist, a racist or whatever names you can come up with. He is now the 45th President of the United States of Amrika. Well, he will be once he takes the oath on 20th January, until then he can ask his people to at least teach him how to talk like a normal person and tone down be it his voice, posture or even his hair!  

Amrika is not New York City and you can't be walking around like a 'Don' and expect the world to bow down to you. It's not as easy as grabbing something and getting away with it like he usually did during his days as a businessman.

During the election campaigns, the Amriki candidates go crazy. They call each other names and make up stories and hope that the voters will elect the ones who can come up with the biggest lies. But once the election is over, things go back to normal. Hillary had kind words for Trump and so did Trump for Hillary. Even after all the nataks, Trump is now Hillary's President, he is the President for all Amrikans. At the end of the day, everyone is on the same team. Amrika comes first!

But in this land of ours, our politicians come first. Their political parties comes next and then the cadres and then their chamchas and con artists who can make them as much moolah as possible while in power. Amrika shows the world that even though politics is dirty, when it comes to handing the baton, there will always be a peaceful transition. 

Obama hates Trump and Trump is the guy who questioned Obama's right to be the President. Trump still think Obama has a fake birth certificate. But it's all over now. Obama is leaving the White House and Trump is moving in. 

Here in this land of ours, we have had peaceful transitions since the Shree Tins left the building. Earlier, it would be one of the five 'warrior' families killing each other so that they can have some fun. But since the 50s, we just allow the other guy to either leave the country or just let it go and let him or her continue to enjoy the illegal wealth he or she has amassed. 

Yes, we still have the Shree Tins cousins with property worth billions of Rupees. We still have the Pancheys who made millions and even continue to be active in politics today. Our Morons, the Kangaroos and the Unidentified Mundrey Leaders have mansions and continue to enjoy the loot. Our Maoist and Madhesi netas have fared no better and instead of breaking the status quo, have become part of the establishment and engage in corruption like crazy.

So what will President Trump do in his first 100 days? Our Emperor thinks he has done a lot since he became our Prime Monster more than three months ago. Yes, give a few thousand Rupees to a few thousand our of displaced families. How can one build a house with a lakh or two and that too in installment.  And we can't blame our brothers and sisters who took the money and instead spent it on clothes and food during the Dashain festival!

If Trump really follows up on his campaign promises then in the next hundred days after he takes office, Amrika will build walls along the Mexican border and make the Mexicans pay for it. He will kick out all Muslims from Amrika, deport tens of millions of illegal immigrants and make it harder for some of us to get the US Visa either for studies, vacation or to just get in the country and somehow stay there till we legalize our status. 

But politicians make promises that they will never fulfill. And it won't be easy trying to carry out your campaign promises which really doesn't make any sense at all. The world need not be scared of Trump! Let us all wish him the best and hope he will be a successful President like Dubya!  

And you never know, he might even be the first President to resign because he could still get caught up with not paying his taxes or some other business deals gone wrong. At least the Amriki have the courts and the legislative branch that checks the power of the President. 

Here,  the Court sentences a guy to prison but the politicians protect him and our police turn the other way. In our land, we can get away with evading taxes and what not. At least in Amrika, if the IRS comes after you and you really screwed up when filing your taxes then you might or most likely will end up in jail no matter who you are. And no, this is not end of the world! Someday Amrika will have a Madam President and that day is not that far away! 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Salmon Diplomacy

Our incompetent government sure knows how to welcome bideshi guests. Yes, declare a public holiday so that millions of us can stay home and spend quality time with our families. The kids spent their day playing games online while the parents spent their day, going through their wallets, trying to figure out how much money was spent during the Tihar festival.

Our government blocks our roads, tell the people to shut down their shops and not even look out the window when the bideshi guest is out on the street. It seems that our government is scared of its own people. 

Let us expect more public holidays whenever another bideshi VVIP is in town. They tell us that the Chinese President will drop by sometime this year. If he really comes to our city then let us put on some kind of a 'dragon dance' show on the street instead of asking us to stay home again. 

At least the Pancheys used to ask the schools to send the kids to the street and provide them with flowers and flags. All they had to do was to stand, wait for hours and when the guest and his entourage passed by, wave and yell loudly as if they were happy to see the VVIP! 

But our 'New Nepal' government does not want to trouble our school kids or even ask the pubic to join the fun. We have a caring government now. Who wants to stand in the sun for hours and wait for a few seconds for the VVIP to pass by and then go home. We would rather stay home and vent our anger in social media!

Our so-called politicians must have enjoyed the dinners hosted for the Desi President. Our President should fire some of our Foreign Ministry folks for the stupid State Banquet menu. Why on Earth do we need to offer Norwegian Salmon to the Desi President? 

Why not Dal Bhat or even roti and sabji? Maybe Malekhu ko Maccha would be okay but it seems that our government wants to try some Western dishes so that when our VVIPs go abroad, they will not have to figure out how to eat the stuff in front of them!

At least our Emperor did the right thing by offering Bara and Nepali dishes but we could have saved a few Rupees if he had invited the President to some local joint in Kirtipur instead of another five-star hotel!

As usual, our politicians put on their 'arse-kissing' act before the bideshi guest. Our President thanked India for helping us with our development projects. Our Prime Monster even went further and told the Desi President that he was a super-hero and everyone should be like him. I guess our politicians have already forgotten about the blockade and how much we suffered then. 

The Desi President told our netas that they will have to bring the Madhesi parties on board and resolve the political crisis in the country. It's the same speech from every other Desi politician. All India wants is a peaceful, stable and prosperous Nepal. 

But all our politicians want to divide the country so that they can enjoy the loot amongst themselves and we know that India really doesn't have a favorite and view all our politicians as the same bunch of pickpockets who beg for cash and what not from the Desis and then come home and rant against them!

Well, the Desi President is back home now. Hope he had fun visiting Janakpur and Pokhara even if it was just for a few hours. Now, let us hope our Madam President will visit Delhi soon and the Indian government will also declare a public holiday then.  Our next Prime Monster, Deuba Uncle is also in India. Maybe, he wants to meet the Desis and plan his 9-month stay in Baluwatar in advance!

The Amrikis will elect a new President this week. They tell us that it's going to be a tight race but let us hope that Amrika, the land of the free will finally elect a woman President instead of an 'ignorant, racist, sexist pig'. And then we can invite Hillary to Nepal. She's been here before as the First Lady. If she doesn't have the time, then Bill can come as the First Gentleman!

It's back to the normal daily routine for all of us. Our politicians will wait until Chhath festival before they begin their same 'circus' acts. We all know that our netas do not think of the big picture. They have only short-term vision which is to loot the state, the people and the resources of this country. 

Their long-term plan is to make sure that their kids are all settled aboard and if things go crazy, run away from this land and enjoy the illegal-wealth stashed in bideshi banks! 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com

Festival without Lights!

We just got done with Dashain and now Tihar is here.  And our bus byaparis will continue to fleece the customers and our incompetent government will not take any action. Yes, a few bus drivers will be arrested, some of the buses will impounded for a while but that's about it. 

Our highways are in shambles and due to dilapidated roads, we hear about bus accidents and deaths but our buffoons are in no hurry to repair our roads and take action against bus drivers who drive like crazy. And our netas don’t care because when they have to go out of the valley, they either use the Army helicopter or charter a private one and then never pay the bill at all. 

As most of our Hindu festivals, Tihar signifies the victory of good over evil. But in this land of ours, it seems that we only have evil-doers who seem to defeat their own breed and continue to have fun while we, the people have no option but to hope for a better tomorrow which may never come. 

I think we should stop celebrating Dashain and Tihar or any other festivals until we get rid of the parasites running the country.  Do we really have any reason to rejoice and celebrate our festivals when those who are supposed to lead us are leading themselves to illegal riches and brewing social disharmony while we pray to our Gods to bring peace and love in this land?  

It seems that we are all waiting for a savior to save us all from evil but we are either lazy or afraid to take our stand and face the evil-doers and kick them out of this country.

Our dictator Lokman still has a month to either defend himself, resign or leak all the so-called secret files online and head to one of our bidhesi Embassy in Lainchour and apply for political asylum or something. We all know that our politicians and civil servants are corrupt and Lokman is not a saint either.  

If Lokman was minting money by extorting from civil servants and byaparis then he must have divided the loot amongst our top leaders as well. You can never walk alone when you are making millions of Rupees illegally and if you don't share the loot, you will get in trouble. 

It seems that we just have to keep on witnessing the same game where crooks battler other crooks and either way, we will just have crooks running the show again and again.

Our incompetent government seem to have no idea how to provide relief to the earthquake survivors. If they had appointed Dhurmus and Suntali to head the reconstruction effort then most of our displaced families would be living in real homes instead of temporary shelters.  And instead of needing billions of dollars, our government could finish the works in less if the 'comedy' couple were given responsibility to head the reconstruction authority. 

The Desi President will be in town after Tihar. And our government tells us that it will be better if we stay home and rest from the 'Tihar' hangover. Why on earth do we need a public holiday when a bideshi comes to town?  

Did Modi Bhai declare a public holiday in India when our Emperor was having his samosa and chai in Delhi?  I think it would be better if visiting head of states and VVIPs arrived early in the morning and took the last flight out of the country. And our VIPs should also do the same to save us from traffic jams. 

Yes, we no longer have a King in this land but now we have hundreds of mini-Maharajas and they too seem to want to get the same royal treatment as well. Nothing has changed since we became a 'Republic'. 

Yes, Gyanu Uncle no longer gets to live in Narayanhiti and enjoy chiya kharcha from the state except the security folks still guarding his mansion. But our netas seem to continue to exploit and loot us all and they have become no different from the ones they seem to have replaced.

Our civil servants always have the last laugh. Politicians come and go, power players change but our hakim sahebs will get to enjoy the loot and share it with whoever is in power. We only talk about our netas and their circus acts but the real problem with this country is in the bureaucracy. 

Those who entered the civil service after the 1990 Andolan are now our hakim sahebs. They have seen it all from Mandaleys to Morons to Maoists to Madhesi netas. And the reason why we still have yet to witness any reform in our bureaucracy or the system as a whole is because our civil servants teach our ignorant netas how to make some moolah while in power. 

And yes, there a few good ones who seem to resist pressure from politicians when doing their job but our netas only like dishonest, corrupt and incompetent civil servants who will pay for promotions and lucrative postings. Tihar will come and go. The Desi President will come and go. 

We don't know what Lokman will do. But we all know that just getting rid of Lokman is not a victory of good over evil. We need to get rid of all the clowns who continue to ensure that evil wins in this land while good takes a back seat and do nothing but sulk!

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com