Saturday, December 17, 2016

1 Katha + 3 Tola = Billions?

Let us all congratulate our incompetent government for finally making public the property details of our ruling clowns. If our clowns followed the law then they should have submitted their property details within two months of sitting on those 'money making' kurchis. 

But who cares about the laws of the land anyway? Our lawmakers are happy to be lawbreakers and it is with great pride that they break the laws routinely and defy the Supreme Court and even get to continue to loot with impunity. 

Our bunch of thieves must have been busy calculating their net worth or they were trying to figure out what to add and what to omit from the list before submitting it.  And it took them four months to let us know how many tola of gold, silver and other stuff they have while it would take us common folks, a few hours to come up with the list of our personal assets. 

We thought that our Emperor was worth billions with his investment in property, cooking gas media, telecom and what not. But we were wrong. If we are to believe him, then the man has nothing while his spouse has only 1 Katha of land and 3 tola of gold. Only late Sushil Da was worth less because he had only three mobile phones to his name.  

Our Emperor is right when he tells us that he has nothing. His investments are in the name of his cousins, relatives and friends. And it's surprising that our Prime Monster doesn't seem to have any cash at all. Maybe he just spends all his salaries and chiya kharcha provided by the state and has zero balance in the bank. Somebody needs to teach this man how to save for the future!

Our politicians live like Kings but to finance such lifestyle they must make at least a few lakhs Rupees every month. If they only depend on salaries from the State then how can they continue to live the high life? Do they have byapari friends who pay their house rent and provide them with expensive bidhesi whiskeys every other day?

Our Deputy Prime Monster and Home Minister Bimalendra Nidhi is a rich man. Nidhi is the man who wants to transfer police wallahs not because they don't do their job right but because they do the right thing and not listen to the Home Minister's orders to release his criminal cadres or look the other way when it comes to criminal activities around the country.

He claims to have bought two ropani of land in Bhaktapur with his salaries and allowances. Maybe he can teach us all how to be a saver and not a spender. Yes, we should all learn from our politicians when it comes to saving as much as possible and making sure we have enough funds for retirement. 

But the only difference is that our politicians make millions of Rupees in chiya kharcha from our civil servants, contractors and con artists while we the people have to do with whatever we earn in a month and on top of that have to worry about how to pay our kids' school fees, how to manage our budget during medical emergencies and where to look for loans to enjoy the festivals.

Nidhi also has 19 bigha of land in Dhanusha district. But like most politicians in the country, most of his property is in the name of his wife. It seems that most of our clowns do not own any property at all. But they seem to love their wives and everything is in the name of the spouse. 

It's a good thing and we hope the wives of our politicians will one day see the light and donate most of their property to charity or sell it off and help our kids and women in rural areas of the country who lack access to good education and health care instead of only sending their kids to foreign universities and buying apartments in New York.

Our other Deputy Prime Minister and Finance Minister Krishna Bahadur Mahara is a poor man. It's hard to believe that as a Finance Minister, he makes no dough at all. 

We all know that most of our big byaparis in this land evade taxes, submit fake VAT bills and pay off our netas and hakim sahebs Karods of Rupees so that they can get away with Karods themselves. Mahara has only 80 grand in the bank. I guess the other boras of cash are in a water tank somewhere!

And we should not blame our politicians for being corrupt. After all, they need to take good care of their families, need to take care of their cadres and also raise funds for their party as well. So they are in a pressure to perform for their party, cadres and cousins while forgetting the country and its citizens!

Our Health Minister Gagan Thapa tells us that he has shares in more than forty companies in the names of his family members. I think Gagan should teach us how to invest in the stock market and make a reasonable profit. How does he keep track of his stock portfolio? 

We all know that our netas do not disclose all they have. If they really told us the truth then our Emperor could be in the Forbes List of Billionaires. It's not only our politicians who seem to live in mansions, ride around in luxury vehicles and enjoy the good life. 

Our hakim sahebs also seem to be able to afford mansions in the valley with their salaries alone.  If you really want to make it big in this country then either you memorize everything in front of you and get selected for government service or take a course in advanced public speaking and get involved in politics.

If you take the civil service route, you will have to not work hard but be smart to navigate the rough waters where you will need to come up with ideas of how to extort from the service seekers, share it with your hakim and get promoted faster than your colleagues or even your seniors. 

If you take the political route then it's risky but worth the starvation and frustration in the early years. If your political party gets into power and you are lucky to be a mantri then it's time to cash in.

We the people don't get any respect because we only dream of making our lives better. Our clowns get all the respect from bidhesis because they dream of making their lives better while the country loses everything.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at You may contact him at

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