Saturday, December 31, 2016

United States of Nepal

Our corrupt and incompetent government tells us that we are a 'New Nepal' where Kings don't rule anymore. Yes, that’s true. Gyanu Uncle is no longer getting 60 karods from the state but he still gets a few dozen security folks. But we now have to deal with hundreds of mini-Maharajas and thousands of their courtiers. 

Where did we go wrong? Our political parties take the credit for ending the rule of House of Shah but it was us the people, who took to the streets to tell Gyanu Uncle that he had to move on. 

We have no choice but to believe in our political parties and hope that one day they will change for good and work together to build a peaceful and prosperous Nepal. 

But so far, our buffoons have been busy dividing us over ethnicity and provinces and what not. And yes, our clowns and those in power have been prosperous and continue to enjoy full security that would even shame the President of the United States! 

Our civil servants are the same. They have not even changed a bit since we became a Republic. Instead, our clowns, civil servants, contractors and con artists are busy ripping off the public. Our security forces are still corrupt and are paid from our tax money to boot and shoot the people while protecting the politicians from the common folks!

We do not want a totalitarian regime again but it looks like our politicians will do their best to make sure that we, the people get the least amount of opportunities, resources and basic services from the state. But those  in power, those who are out of power and those who have been to jail for corruption continue to receive vehicles, security and chiya kharcha and even hard cold cash from the state. 

We have been fooled again and again by our politicians and unless we take to the streets again to kick out the mini-maharajas as well, not much will change in this beautiful land of ours. 

Is it the air we breathe or the dhulo mulo or the water we drink that makes our thulo mancheys corrupt and we the people happily pay them chiya kharcha to get our job done?  

This country has been a mess since Prithivi Narayan Shah began his 'united states of Nepal' mission. He did a fine job then but after that it was all downhill for this country and so far we have yet to climb up ever since. 

And let us thank our politicians for working day and night to take us back to the pre-unification days. I think our historians should take out the old rusty books from somewhere in the country and help our politicians and civil servants figure out how we can have like 50 states in the country again.

Yes, let us be the 'United States of Nepal'. Then we can also tell the rest of the world that we come from the US. Let us change the color of our passport from green to blue so that when we, the people who have ordinary passports stand in line in front of the immigration officers in foreign lands, we will get the same respect as the Amrikans. 

Let us even get rid of the so-called 'Westminster' system of parliamentary government and go with the 'Amriki Presidential' natak. 

It is only then possible for 'Dhurmus' to lead us all out of this mess and make this country great! If we continue to stick to the current natak, we will just have a bunch of political parties sharing the power and the loot!

Let us have only two political parties instead of hundreds. All the communists should unite and be a single party. But please change the name. We all know that our communists are not real communists like the ones they claim to be. 

They are all fake like the Marlboros and Amriki dollars made in North Korea! And our Congressis and other political parties are not social democrats like they claim to be. They are all chors and they lack morals, integrity and character and are driven by their self-interests. 

We started the year with the blockade and we will end it with our own mini-blockade in the capital where most of our roads have been dug up. Somebody needs to tell our government that it is better to finish one road at a time instead of making it look like we are preparing for trench warfare with an invisible enemy. 

Maybe Baidya Ba can ask his cadres to get as much practice as possible in the dug up roads in the valley to prepare them for their great dream to invade India.

We had comedian Oli as our Prime Monster in the beginning of the year and we will end it with our Emperor once again living in Baluwatar and doing nothing. Time Magazine has its 'Person of the Year' natak where a person, group or even an object gets to be on the cover. 

Trump is that person man this year because for the first time in Amriki history, a man without any political or military experience has been elected the President of the United States. 

I think we should have our own 'Person of the Year' thing in Nepal. Yes, Ghising should be honored for his role in ending load shedding in the valley and Dr KC is a warrior fighting the medical mafia and the crooked politicians but Nepal's Person of the Year is our own Dhurmus and Suntali. They have shown us that it is possible that even without the help from the government, it is possible to rebuild the homes, lives and dreams of the people. Long Live Dhurmus and Suntali! 

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at You may contact him at

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