Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi (NaMo) is coming to town. The last time we had a Desi PM on an official visit was 17 years ago. India has made a tremendous progress since then we are still stuck in the never-ending saga of grumpy clowns fighting with each other over who gets to steal more from the state treasury.
Namo will be here on a two-day official visit this Sunday. Maybe, we should have asked him to come on Saturday morning instead so that when our security personnel shut down our roads, we won't have to be stranded in the middle of nowhere getting sun tans while we wait for NaMo's entourage to pass us by.
The Desis have not only sent two bullet-proof vehicles for NaMo but they are also bringing in a frequency controller vehicle that will jam your mobile signals whenever the VVIP convoy is driving through your neighborhood.
And we have our bullet-proof vehicles but since maintenance has never been on our government's priority list, the vehicles have been turned into organic vegetable gardens instead.
I think it would be better for all of us if NaMo drove all the way from Delhi to Lumbini. Our Prime Monster and his mini-sinisters could save us a lot of money and we would not have to suffer traffic jams for a few days.
NaMo could then take a helicopter to Kathmandu and visit Pashupatinath and save some of his taxpayers money as well. But it looks like NaMo will only get to worship Lord Shiva and not visit Lumbini and Janakpur this time.
Our competent netas and hardworking civil servants seem to be very excited to welcome NaMo. After all, if they can make him happy then our netas will get a few development projects worth billions of Rupees and their personal aides will figure out ways to make some money off the contractors.
Our civil servants will probably get more vehicles so that they can use it to go shopping with their families on Saturdays. Our police wallahs received hundreds of vehicles for the CA Election-II.
They should also ask for free fuel and maintenance kharcha from the Desis as well because our civil servants do not set aside funds for maintenance and the vehicles are used until it is broken. And then, it is left in the backyard of their offices where it is run over by weeds and other inedible plants.
Our incompetent government has decided to only allow state-owned media to get access to VVIP meetings. So that means, our private media wallahs will get to stay home and do their laundry and do some housecleaning as well.
NaMo's first foreign visit was to Bhutan but he must have 'Nepal' on his mind or his secretary made a typo then. Let's hope he won't be referring us as Bhutanese when he addresses our parliament. But of course our lawmakers won't notice because most of them will be dozing off as usual.
India is helping Bhutan with a 600-MW hydropower project and will be doling out Rs 4,500 IC in the next five years for various development projects to make the 'Happy' people much happier. The Chinese are also trying to hook up with Bhutan and the Desis don't want the dumpling gang sharing hot and sour soup recipes with the Bhutanese.
So what kind of freebies can we expect from NaMo? Our clowns seem to have no clue and our civil servants always fail to do their homework because most of them seem to have passed their college exams copying from the other person in front of them.
Well, everybody is saying 'Hydro' and hoping that the Desis will be foolishly generous by doling out their own money to construct the Arun III hydropower project. But there is no such thing as free lunch except for our lawmakers and civil servants.
Everything comes with string attached. The Desi civil servants stay up all night doing their homework whereas our sarkari hakims spend their days running around ministries for promotion and lucrative postings. It would be nice if for once, our civil servants did their homework and advised our incompetent netas on how to get big favors from India without losing more in the long run.
Maybe, we should ask for free electricity to end load shedding hours for now, for at least another five years. That could help to minimize our fuel imports from India and reduce our trade deficit.
And please give electric vehicles to our police, schools and hospitals instead of the usual gas-guzzling vehicles. If not, then at least send us hundreds of thousands of Khasis with discounts this Dashain.
Our Prime Monster just wants to put on a smiley face and has requested our fringe parties not to carry out any protest nataks during NaMo's visit. And our so-called major political parties will be competing with each other over who gets to be the best ass-kisser. After all, one who makes the Desis happy gets more chiya kharcha to win elections in this land of ours.
So, let's all welcome Namo to Nepal and hope he will bring enough candies to make our clowns, civil servants and contractors happy. What about the common folks? It doesn't really make any difference if NaMo or even Obama shows up in town.
At the end of the day, it's up to our netas to do what is best for our land and we are still waiting for the day when our clowns will wake up from their coma and get this country back on track.