Saturday, August 9, 2014

How to win our hearts and minds?

NaMo came and gave our incompetent clowns a few lessons on how to win the hearts and minds of the Nepali people.  It's a shame that it takes an Indian Prime Minister to tell us what we are capable of and how much resources we have and what we can do with it to make some dough!  

NaMo is a politician and he knows how to play the public.  Our politicians should learn a thing or two from the Desi PM. Once in a while, our clowns should also get out of their gas-guzzling SUVs and shake hands with the public.  

But in this land of shortages, it would be a risky move for our buffoons. We might have a fuel shortage and it would probably piss us all if one of our netas got out of their SUV and wanted to hang out with the common folks who have been in queue for  twelve hours.

How about leaving all the security personnel at home and taking a Micro-Bus or Safa Tyampoo to work? It would be fun to hang out with Sushil Da while he takes the Tyampoo from Baluwatar to Singha Durbar.  Of course, most of us will not be able to hear what he says but just a smile, a nod and a bouncy trip will probably make our day.

Bam Dev should ride a bike around the valley and he could probably solve the mystery behind the police encounter of gangster 'Chari'.  Our police wallahs shot dead Chari a few days ago and the UML mundrey gundas are not happy.  

Even the UML  lawmakers from Dhading district now want the government to punish the police officers behind Chari's death. They even shut down the district to protest the death of a UML cadre who liked to extort, abduct and murder folks.  

Now, let us all expect the late 'Chari' to be declared a martyr and his family should be given a million Rupees from the state treasury as well. 

Most of our mundrey gundas are affiliated to our political parties and they get away with everything. Well, Chari must be unlucky or must have pissed off more people than he could handle. 

Instead of just gunning down gangsters, why not go after their godfathers who have supported them all alon?. Yes, it's time our politician stopped hanging out with mundrey gundas to win election and what not.  

All folks who have had been productive earlier by opening Facebook pages about 'Buddha was born in Nepal' will now have to shut down shop because NaMo has put an end to the controversy by telling us that this is the land of Buddha.  And that is enough to make most of us happy as if we have won the World Cup, a Nobel Peace Prize and an Oscar all at the same time.

So, if we were to follow NaMo's advice then we need to focus on herbal medicine and tourism and then laugh all the way to the bank.  Maybe, instead of selling all the Yarsagumba to Chinese byaparis, we need to process it into some kind of an energy drink and make billions of dollars from the Chinese public instead. 

The Desis don't like the fungus as much as the Dumpling gang but we could sell other herbal stuff to them and cut down the trade deficit.  

I think it's about time everyone opened their homes for tourists so that we can have home-stay program not only in the villages but in the cities as well. After all, if we can get enough guests to pay for the internet, water tanker and electricity then it would work out fine for the city folks. 

And next time, NaMo comes to Nepal, he can save some of his taxpayers money by staying with a local and eating dal, bhat , tarkari. Maybe, we should do that during the SAARC Summit this November. 

All the heads of states of the SAARC countries should be hosted by local families and instead of bullet-proof vehicles and 'Z' security, why not make them shake hands with the public all the way to the Summit venue?

So next time, our PM visits India and gets invited to address their parliament, make sure to speak a few line in Hindi and then give the full speech in Nepali, admiring everything Desi. 

Our PM should begin his speech in the Desi parliament by talking about  how much he loves Sachin, Rajnikanth and Mary Kom. That will help our PM to win the hearts and minds of the Desi folks. 

After all, Sachin is a hero for all Desis and Rajnikanth is a God for the South and Mary is an inspiration for the North-East. And don't forget to leave out the Nepali-speaking Desi population? 

Maybe, mentioning Prashant Tamang will do! NaMo offer us Rs 10,000 crores worth of soft loans. What can we offer? Let's give them 10,000 miniature replicas of our Pashupatnath Temple. And let's hope that we will have 100 million Desi tourists visiting Nepal before NaMo leaves office.

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