Saturday, August 3, 2013

Things to Ban Next!

Our  interim government has banned sales and supply of poultry products in the valley.  Maybe it's time we all had a few chickens in our backyard so that we can get fresh eggs and have some chicken chilly without having to worry about bird flu. 

The byaparis who decided to sell infected chickens outside the valley should be forced to live in a poultry farm with the chickens for a week or two.  Maybe then he or she will learn a few steps of the chicken dance as well.

Our byaparis will find a way to sell their infected chickens no matter how many security personnel are deployed at check points or outside poultry farms. A little chiya kharcha here and there does the trick in this land of ours.  

The week long ban will affect the poultry industry badly. The chicken wallahs are set to lose Rs 600 million due to the week-long ban. And if things are still not under control then the ban is likely to be extended further. 

Then, the Chicken sellers will probably go on strike and shut down the country demanding their right to sell infected chickens.  If that doesn't work then they can bribe government officials to go live on TV and declare that the crisis is over as he or she munches on chicken drumsticks.  

So, instead of selling infected chickens all over the country, our poultry wallahs should have some chiya with our sarkari hakim sahebs and work out a compensation plan. 

When it comes to banning things, our interm government should ban international travel for our good for nothing clowns. Why is everyone visiting Delhi?  

We already have thousands of Tandoori restaurants in the valley. You can get a decent naan and chicken tandoori here instead of taking a flight to Delhi. 

And if the bird flu really scares you then you get Dal Makhaani instead or go with Mutton Shish Kebab. Enjoy the mutton while you can because sooner or later 'Goat Flu' will hit our land as well.

Students go abroad for further studies. Our migrant workers go abroad to make a few more Dinars and  Dollars. Why do our netas need to go to foreign lands?  They never learn anything new. 

Our Emperor has been to Singapore so many times but I guess he never ventures out of his hotel room. After all, you don’t meet your foreign handlers in a park. 

Makune is back in the country after meeting Sonia Auntie and the rest of the Desi gang.  Last time, he lost from two constituencies but still went on to become our Prime Monster.  I hope he changes his constituency this time. 

Our Emperor is planning to contest from the Tarai region. Maybe Makune should move to the hills and choose Humla and Jumla. And let's hope that he loses again so that we can make him our President this time.

Jhallu Baba is in Amrika. At least the guy won from his constituency in the last CA election.  But why are our netas always visiting Amrika and Europe? We can understand their bhet-ghat with the dumping and dosa gangs. 

Our clowns will have to make the Chinese and the Desis happy if they want to run the show back home but they are not really going to get invited to the White House or 10 Downing Street. 

The only invites they get are from our NRNs who happen to be restaurant owners. Nearly all of them restaurant owners are affiliated to one political party or another back home. And our clowns talk about 'New Nepal' and how NRNs should come back and develop the country over a plate of naan and chicken tandoori.  

Well, if all NRN restaurant owners came back to Nepal then all we would get is a dozen more Indian restaurants in town.

It's time we had a 'One Candidate One Constituency' thing so that the Election Wallahs won't have to spend some extra dough conducting the by-elections. And there should be some kind of a residency requirement thing as well.  

If Baburam Bhattarai wants to represent Gorkha then he should at least spend 6 months in his home district. If our EC wallahs can come up with some kind of a residency law then all of our clowns will have to contest from the valley because they rarely visit their constituencies. At least then, we will have local folks representing their constituencies instead of our clowns. 

Our interim government could do us all a favor if we had a ban against chakka jams, bandhs and vandalism at least until the CA election.  Our political parties will probably ignore the ban and do their nataks anyway. 

How did we end up with such buffoons who have no respect for the rule of law?  

Baidya Uncle and his crew are now busy burning up the election code of conduct. Looks like the angry birds love their hammers and love to play with fire. Why not open a metal workshop instead? 

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