The Everest Season

Last year, our crown prince and his girlfriend reached the summit. Then they eloped and climbed the Red Fort in Delhi.  And if our comrades get to rule us for another decade or two, don’t be surprised if the computer operator lands on Mars and then elopes with another lass or even an alien.

Everybody seems to have been bitten by the ‘Everest’ bug nowadays. This year, we have a bunch of Kollywood actors on top.  Arjun Karki and Nisha Adhikari have climbed Everest.  Hope they shot a few dance and song routine on their way to the summit.  

Maybe they should have pitched the idea for a movie to our crown prince even before they left Kathmandu for the Everest Base Camp. He would have probably provided the funding because who doesn’t want his or her story on silver screen?

While 40-year-olds in the capital are already suffering from hypertension and diabetes, grandpas are climbing Everest. Yuichiro Muira is now the oldest man to climb Everest at the age of 80. 

The Japani grandpa previously climbed Everest at the age of 70 and 75. Earlier, Our Nepali grandpa, Min Bahadur Sherchan with his diet of piro aloo and chuira beat Muira a few days later at the age of 76. Sherchan now plans to break Muira’s record once again at the age of 81.  

Since everybody is climbing Everest, we now think that getting to the top of the highest mountain in the world is as easy as climbing Dharahara. No, it’s not. It’s not like you can get drunk on Friday night and then hike to Shivapuri the next morning with a hangover. You need endurance, courage and a lot of help from our Sherpa brothers if you want to get to the top.

Well, there will always be a few Kuireys who don’t want any help from the Sherpas. They don’t even need any oxygen and would rather attempt to summit wearing a t-shirt, shorts and flip-flops. And they also like to get into brawls with our lads. 

I guess somebody needs to remind them that just because you are white doesn’t mean that you are always right.  Give us a little bit respect. Yes, our government charges you tons of money to climb Everest but we are friendly people and it wouldn’t hurt for them bidhesis if they left their ego home.

Rekha Thapa, the sex symbol of today’s Kollywood has now joined the UCPN (Maoist).  It’s all about timing. She was off by a few years. If she had joined the party a day after she danced with our Emperor, then she would have been the chairperson of the Film Development Board.  

She is a comrade now and that will probably scare a few hall wallahs who like to skim off the box office. Rekha knows the industry well. She produces her own movies. Maybe she should also climb Everest and do an item number with a bunch of Yetis on the top of the world.

Five notorious dons have been charged with money laundering. But they are nowhere to be found. That’s how we roll in this land of ours. Maybe they are all up there at the Everest Base Camp hanging out with other adventure seekers. 

It’s hard to believe that Ganesh Lama is a don. He is a legitimate businessman. He is also a member of our former Home Minister’s party. Bijaya Gacchadar should be given an award for promoting inclusion.  You normally don’t find a Pahadi in a central committee of a Madhesi party. 

Why is everyone after Deepak dai? It’s not his fault that he happens to live in Thamel.  Chakre Milan is in jail. It’s his bad luck. While the other dons are roaming around freely, he has to stay inside and watch TV all day. 

Then we have our Parshuram Basnet, the former conductor turned gangster turned UML youth leader. The other guy on the list is not even worth mentioning because he is only worth a few Karod. 

All of them dons charged with making millions through illegitimate means are affiliated with our major political parties.  It’s the same old story. Our clowns decide to widen the roads. Criminals get the contracts and kickbacks to our clowns. And our cops beat up tole basis if they decide to protest.  

The former Mandaleys are now uniting except for our former Home Minister Kamal Thapa. Kamal dai is happy with his chariot procession and  ‘Bring Hindu Back’ nataks. It’s funny that most of our ‘Hindu’ warriors have their kids abroad. Why not send them kids to an Ashram and teach them to recite mantras instead? 

Grandpa Surya is still going strong. He might never become the Prime Minister again but he sure can break all records if he climbs Everest.