Saturday, April 27, 2013

How to impress the Desis?

Our Emperor is going to the Indus Valley today.  He must be really pumped up after meeting the Chinese. The Mooncake wallahs have promised him the moon but he will have to make sure he gets all other clowns on board and write the constitution this time before he gets to see some Hongbao (red envelope) from the Chinese.

Our ‘master’ beggar begged for lots of aid from the Chinese and he did get lots of assurances.  It would have been nice if he could have gotten an autograph of Xi Jinping and then just made a fake IOU note for all of us to see.

Now, he wants to impress the Dosa wallahs with his guff.  It took our great comrade chairman nearly five years to understand that he will have to make the Mooncake and the Dosa gang happy if he wants to rule like a despot for another decade or two.

He seems to be full of himself because the Chinese treated him like some head of state.  Maybe they just wanted to look him in the eye and see if he was putting on an act or was desperate for some brotherly love.

India is like a second home to our great magician. He won’t need any tourist guide like he did in China. And there won’t be any need for a translator either. 

What will he beg from the Desis?  We already have tons of ambulances. The Desis built the trauma center in the middle of the city but our Health Ministry has yet to bring it into operation. Maybe our incompetent civil servants and cataractous clowns just couldn’t figure out how much commission to make from all them machines and stuff.

It would have been better if our Emperor had visited Delhi during Holi. He could have gotten the opportunity to display his ‘Bollywood’ dance skills with Mickey Mouse and Snow White. But it’s never too late. But he needs to come up with a new story line this time.

Our Emperor promised us 10,000 MW electricity when he was the Prime Monster. We will probably be load shedding free someday but not as long as we have the same bunch of buffoons running the show. 

If our great magician is really thinking of making some moolah from Chindia then he should just let them both develop our hydropower projects.

The Desi and Chinese contractors can work in joint venture projects and it will probably help them to bond and clear up all the misconceptions about each other’s culture. And the Nepali head cook will have enough experience to launch a chain of  Chindia restaurants in the country serving Beijing Dosa and Delhi Hot Pot.

Give our neighbors a decade to generate 40,000 MW electricity. Let them have half of it for another decade or two. We could probably be the first country in the world where them citizens won’t have to pay their electricity bills. Hopefully by then, we would all be driving around in electric vehicles and Kathmandu will finally be from pollution from old vehicles.

After all, our chimekis are not giving us aid for nothing. They would like to make some dough on the side as well.  Our Emperor can bring Ping Pong and Mickey Mouse together and electrify them with his ‘hydro-partnership’ plan. It would be a win-win situation for all us.

There will be some folks who will not be happy with the Chindia people taking over all our hydropower projects. Our Nepali hydropower developers should be allowed to invest even if it’s only a percent or two in all of them projects. 

Baidya uncle and his crew should get a fee for providing security to all them projects. Instead of burning down the contractor’s shed, they could ask for protection money like all other mobsters across the world.

What about the Amrikis? We will be needing tons of turbines and if we buy them from General Electric then the Amriki ambassador will probably invite our Emperor for a drink at his residence and make him an honorary citizen of the United States as well.

Our Emperor should ask the Desi comedian Raju Shrivastav for some tips. When he is having chai with Mickey Mouse, he can crack some jokes about the opposition wallahs. 

There have been reports that the Desi crown prince, Rahul dai has hooked up with a hot and smart Nepali CNN producer in Delhi. Maybe, our Emperor should ask Sonia auntie if the rumors are true. That would really make any conversation after that hot and spicy.

Our Emperor should take  a day off visiting his handlers and take his consort to the movies. Buy her some cotton candy and ice gola. Have fun. The CA election is still months or even years away. Enjoy the Desi pani puri while you can because you can’t get free lunch forever.

No comments:

Post a Comment