Saturday, April 20, 2013

How to impress the Chinese?

Our Emperor is in China trying to woo them Chinese communists. But our comrades here are still hung up on Mao whereas the Chinese are now full-blown capitalist even though they don’t want to admit it.

If our comrades really want to impress the Chinese then they should start learning Mandarin. All of our netas seem to speak Hindi even though not fluently but it helps to get your message across the border. Our clowns should stop talking in Hindi to Indian journalists. 

Let the Desis hire someone to translate what they  say. Why do our netas have to make fun of themselves by speaking in broken Hindi?
If our comrades took crash courses in Mandarin then they could really impress the Chinese communists by speaking a few words and complimenting about how their hair is always black. 

We don’t know if it’s the black dye or the fresh air in Beijing that helps to prevent greying of the hair. Maybe our Emperor should ask for some hair tips from the Dim Sum gang.
Our comrades should start learning how to use them chopsticks and sing a few Chinese songs. It really helps if the Chinese communists take you out to a Karaoke bar. 

And when our comrades get invited to some dinner, they don’t have to worry about how to eat them stuff. Of course, India would have been easier where you just use your hands to tear off them chapatti, dab some daal and curry and lob it in your mouth.
The Chinese President Xi Jingping thinks that we should focus on economic prosperity but our comrades  here are always eager to shut down industries, extort and  even beat up employers if they don’t fulfill them union demands. 
The only folks who are happy from all them labor problems and power cuts are our Desi byaparis across the border  as we  buy more stuff from India than in previous years. 

Our trade deficit with China is also increasing but we are happy with cheap stuff from Khasa. Maybe, we should leave the manufacturing stuff to the Dosa and Dim Sum gang and just focus on tourism. All Nepali families should host a tourist or two. 
But we Nepalis are generous folks and we will probably end up not charging them a paisa because of course a ‘Bideshi guest’ is God in this land of ours but your neighbors are your sworn enemies.
Maybe we should just make it mandatory for our tourists to spend at least $ 50 per day so that we will no longer have to deal with ‘cheap’ tourists who spend all their money in India and then take a night bus to Nepal and try to get by for weeks with his or her last remaining $100. 

Nothing wrong with trying to extend your last penny to the fullest but where on the Earth can you find a hotel room for less than $3? Some tourists expect Nepal to be dirt cheap just because our per capita is not even 1% of theirs.  

They think they can get a nice meal for a dollar and a beer for two.  If they really want to save their money then they should just pitch a tent in Tundhikhel and make their own local brew.
Let’s leave the kuireys aside for now.  It’s time to focus on the Chinese. Not the shady ones doing hanky panky stuff around Thamel. Let’s get the rich capitalist Chinese who seem to spend money like they are related to the Sultan of Brunei.  These new millionaires don’t care much about finding a room for a few dollars. They really want to flaunt their new riches.
Maybe our Emperor should ask the Chinese how we can do our best to attract millions of Chinese to Nepal.  If we can get 10 million Desis and Chinese to fill up our hills during the tourist season then we really won’t need to depend on their governments to gift us ambulances and buses. We will make enough money to balance our budget and not depend on any bideshi  aid at all.
If our Emperor really wants to impress the Chinese, then he should change his name to Pi Ding. At least the Chinese netas will be able to pronounce it when they host them dinner banquets for His Highness. 

The only thing the Chinese are worried about is Tibet.  But our Emperor didn’t even know that until he met Xi Jingping the other day. That’s what happens when you spend most of your days hanging out with the Desi spooks. You forget to read about what’s happening on the other side of the border.
Our Emperor thinks he can woo all them Chinese in his week-long visit to the Great Wall. Maybe he should have done all them nataks when he was the Prime Monster back then.  But of course it’s never too late to ask for money because our Emperor and his courtiers will have to win some votes with them notes like all other clowns.

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