Saturday, January 5, 2013

The Right Candidate



It’s about time our beloved President threw a fit. Our clowns really don’t seem to take him seriously at all. Next time, these clowns visit him to request another extension, he should jump from his chair and break a table and throw it out the window. 

He may need to take a few Karate lessons from our martial artists but his ‘break the table’ move could scare the daylights out of our clowns.

The President should lock all these buffoons in his living room and not let them out until they forge consensus to resolve the political crisis. 

He should not even provide any refreshment or else our freeloaders will spend thousands of Rupees in chiya and samosas at the expense our taxpayers.
 
Let them bring their own sleeping bags and cooking utensils. Binod Chaudhary can provide free Wai Wais and our local farmers can give a bora of Chiura. The Kalimati Vegetable Market can donate some onions, tomatoes and green chillies. 

I don’t think we need to teach our clowns how to make a mean Wai Wai Sadeko! 
 
The Kangaroos are still sticking with old man Sushil. He already has the credentials to be our Prime Minister. He has received the love from his own cadre. 

Jhallu got slapped and he got the kurchi. So, maybe the time is right for Sushil da to sleep in Baluwatar. At his age, he should be going on a religious pilgrimage instead of grabbing the kurchi.
 
Bijaya dai is already the deputy sheriff and he wants to be the first Madhesi Prime Minister. He has really worked hard to reform the police force by adding more SSPs than needed and transferring crooked cops to lucrative postings. 

He has wiped out corruption from the police force since most of his pals are on the most wanted list and our senior cops aren’t getting any dough from them.
 
Some of our clowns have even proposed co-Prime Ministers so that both of them can attend ribbon-cutting ceremonies in the East and the West at the same time. 

If we really want co-Prime Ministers, then the right candidates would be Madan Krishna and Hari Bansha. Our politicians lack sense of humor. The Maha Jodi could help us relieve the frustration of daily shortages. Instead of listening to the bhajans every morning, we can tune in to our radios and start the day with daily jokes from the co-Prime Ministers.
 
Our Emperor is back to his old crazy antics. If he was working for Google, the company would have launched a new product every week. The Emperor probably spends majority of his time, thinking of new circus acts.  Now, he has proposed having an independent person as the Prime Minister. 

Do we really need a civil society leader to sleep in Baluwatar? Most of them civil society leaders are affiliated to major political parties and they seem to be in a coma for the past six years.
 
The right candidate to lead the consensus government would be Rajesh Hamal. Finally, we will have someone who will not look like a Hobbit (with due respect to all the little people) when taking a picture with the Obamas.
 
When Hamal addresses the UN General Assembly, other world leaders will actually listen to him because he has a Masters in English. He does know when to pause during a speech and knows a thing or two about syllables and pronunciation. 

He will probably even quote the classics and knows when to raise his hand and shake his head to make a point.
 
Hamal is a hard worker and has been working in the film industry for the past two decades unlike our clowns who have never held a regular job. While most of our Kollywood actors and actresses seem to lack social etiquette, Hamal is respected by the masses and the so-called classes.
 
Our Emperor has his irritating juggling acts, Dr. Saheb has his ‘horse’s eyesight’ but our Rajesh Dai has his ‘Hand of Iron’. When Rajesh Dai speaks, we will listen. When there is injustice, he will be in the front line unlike our Dr. Saheb who goes to a radio station and apologizes but does nothing more.
 
Hamal will probably have the right words for all occasions. He must have thousands of filmy dialogue in his head. Unlike our clowns, who blame everyone else except their mothers, Hamal will blame himself if he can’t get thing done. 

And if nothing works out, he will leave and  go home and make more movies instead of hanging on to power.
 
Maybe, we should have non-political hardworking citizens to fill up the cabinet as well.  Puspha Basnet should head the Women & Children Ministry. She is a ‘doer’ and not a ‘talker’.

Former finance secretary Rameshwor dai should head the Finance Ministry. Then all our fake VAT bill wallahs will finally pay the taxes they have been evading so far. We need ‘real’ people to lead us instead of fake prophets and their band of snake charmers.

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