Saturday, December 15, 2012

Bail out the country

The Emperor has paid the bail amount for the young man who suffers from involuntary hand twitches. The young man has admitted that the caressing of the Emperor’s cheek happened due to sudden burst of anger.  I guess it’s time for our youth to go do Vipassana and learn techniques to control one’s anger.

Our Emperor has enough funds to pay for our meditation courses. Well, the Maha-Maharaja has enough funds to bail out the country. Maybe he could be kind enough to give some of his stash to charity and help us improve our mental health.

Our clowns should all go do Vipassana and something good could come out of it. At least our netas will learn to speak less and listen more after they are done with the meditation course.  Instead of getting gaalis and jhaapads, we will probably then give our Swami-jis vegetable thaalis and papads.

Swami Ram Baran has once again extended the deadline for our crooks to find someone who will head the national looting team.  In the old days, you could win the crown if you could run like hell or if you could hit an apple on someone’s head with an arrow without blinding the person. 

In today’s time, you just need to be a cold-hearted son of a seedless cucumber who can share the loot and keep the other thieves satisfied. If Lord Ramu really wants our netas to get their act together, then he must gather courage to lock them fools inside Dharahara.

Let us not worry about refreshments and sofas for our lazy bums. They can all stand on the balcony and when they finally find the ‘right’ clown, they can light a torch and let us know who the incompetent fool will be.

Hisila Didi is in the news again. There’s nothing wrong with giving plum jobs and power to your siblings.  After all, we do have to take care of our family hoinuh ruh? In this great land of nepotism,  cadres, cousins and contractors get the goodies and common citizens get to buy cheap hoodies from Khasa.

Hisila’s sister is now the chairperson of KUKL and she has replaced the guy who was selected through free competition and is a drinkinig water expert.

Our netas don’t like experts because the brainy heads will spend their time trying to change the outdated system. Our buffoons spend their time trying every possible tricks to milk the system. They just want their loyal leeches to suck the funds dry and share some with their parties.

If you bring in the moolah, you get the party ticket to stand up for election. If you don’t, you just stay in the back bench and get free milk tea and share the newspaper with other disgruntled party members.

The Swiss are pretty good at making watches and chocolates.  We are good at buying them.  The Swiss are also kind enough to let folks stash their ill-gotten wealth in their banks.  Our netas are good at making dough from illegal means and are prospective clients for the Swiss banks.

The Swiss government has now informed our sarkari hakims that late King Birendra and his family do not hold any bank accounts or property in Switzerland.

I think the Swiss government could do us a favor by investigating financial accounts and apartments that belong to our patriotic netas in their land. Maybe they won’t find anything but it would provide be a good fodder for our newspapers.

The Kathmandu Metropolitican City (KMC) has organized a food festival. It will run until December 15th.  You can taste all kinds of food from different ethnic communities. KMC folks tell us that the event will help to unite the people.

With all that budget, the municipality can afford to give a free plate of vyar vyar momo to all those who pay land taxes in Kathmandu. Hope the municipality wallahs make sure they can dispose the trash from the event effectively without embezzling funds.

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