Take care... caretaker!

Well, here we go again... abuh feri caretaker government rey! Shakespeare daju lay bhanya jastai... abuh who will take care of the caretaker? ... now that is the question ... haha! I have no idea what this 'caretaker' means... one who takes care hola! Poor smartypant, Daaktar Saheb. You are a good man.. Charlie Brown! But what good is it if all of your classmates are bunch of hooligans?

I was hanging out at a local chiya pasal today.. ani overheard in New York bhanya jastai.... overheard in a chiya pasal in Kathmandu bhanoom-nuh! An old guy was talking about Hisila Yami, our 'caretaker' first lady bhan-noo parla ni! I think nobody likes Hisila didi.. khoi kinuh ho!

The old man says ..... "Baburam ko kasari love parya holan"..."Malai tuh Hisila ko Anoo-haar dekh-dai durr laagcha"... abuh lob sob bhanya sabai Brad ruh Angelina ko jastai kaha hooncha ruh hehe! Give them a break.... tyo UK ma Charlie boy lai tuh hay-ruh... he's happy with Camel.. err .. Camilla... they are happy.. so let's all be happy ni!

Hisila Yami is a smart woman. But I don't know why people say bad stuff about her. They say .. she is fugly. Sujata Koirala is fugly because she came back to Nepal and left her German husband and his beer garden! Nothing wrong with that.. you don't have to stay with a bloke or bloke-ni if you are not happy but don't come back and screw up Nepal Airlines ni! Look at NAC now.... arko barsa ma tuh plane ko saa-tto tyo hot air balloon saloon kiney hooncha hola!

Some people say.. Hisila didi only wants her clan to get them high-level posts etiyaadi... ani sabai paisa uthau-nay rey party ko naam maa! Kay uni matrai hoon tuh... look at our Madhesi mantris.... at least tyo ghee-chey ko paisa lay Madhes ma kehi bikas garnoo ni.

I think she just needs to put on a little bit of kay bhancha.. makeup ... shake-up. Maybe, Promise Tamang Phan can give her some tips hola! Ani shake-up ni... no, I am not talking about adding or subtracting ni feri.. hehe! I think she should dress up like some M&A analyst for Bank of America kya ! I think she can kick Prachandoo's arse anytime, any day ...that woman got balls! I didn't say that.. tyo AC/DC lay bhanya ho hai!

Yes, our comrade chairman has already told his crew that they will now have to prepare for the choonaab.. so it's tyam to get out them greeting cards and start sending love letters to byaparis, tender-wallahs and apaharan-kaaris hola ni! Kay garney... this is not like Amrika where you spend half a billion dollars on them funny TV ads attacking your opponent. Yeha, tuh afnai party ko manchey po dushman ho tuh!

Ani talking about choonabi-kharcha... our top fundraiser for the Mao Inc... the trade union boss, Shalik Ram Jammai-Cartel is now into pig-farming rey. Yes, he did receive a few crores from the so-called Youth Self Employment ki kay fund ho! Now the question chahi.. is Shalik dai paying his farm staff enough? Aroo ko factory sactory ma chahi daang doong.. now if his employees are not happy with them minimum wage then where do they go to do some daang doong?

Here, in Nepal.. we don't have to convince them voters... we just have to either scare them (you need like 40 mundrey gundas!) , beat them up (laathis will do!) or threaten to burn down their ghar shar or something! Our political parties need them dough because they have to make sure that their cadres are well-fed. And they have to hire mundrey gundas and they bill by the hour rey... hehe!

So all them so-called (illegal) campaign contribution (or extortion) is not spent on convincing them voters to vote for them parties.... it is well spent on karyakartas.... din ko dui chaak masoo bhat khaa-noo nai paryo! Ani naara-baazi garnai paryo.. jhan gaam saam ma tuh sabai ghar ma jaa-dai 'loo note lee ani vote dey natruh talai hami lay goh-dey!'

Tyesai karan hola... Nepal ma, our politicians don't have to kiss them babies or hang out at the local chiya pasals and have a jeri-swari and doodh-chiya. Whereas in Amrika, Mitty dai will have to go to Denny's and eat them specials hehe! And Obama will probably kiss more babies than I don't know who.

Hamro desh ma tuh how to connect with the voters tuh parai jaa-wos.... how to make sure you threaten them folks or give them a pig or a khasi and win them votes ko kura hooncha... yesto cha yaha ko chalan!

And then a young patrakar, sipping black tea tells me 'black tea helps to control diabetes' ..... I thought he had them sugar ko problem. Hoinuh rahecha... 2.7 chamcha chini haley ruh chiya piu-nay lai sugar naw-pugya nai ho! Patrakar bhai says 'Manisha Koirala lai kay bhoot chadya ho.... Gyanu Uncle ko laagi website khol-ney'.

I didn't know but somebody has created a website rey.. nepalroyal.com ..... Manisha Koirala lay nai kholya chahi hoinuh hai! How do I know? I think she is a little too busy trying to get some feelims from Ramu dai and them Bollywood wallahs! Nepal ma pani kay kay guff soo-roo hooncha! Leave Manisha alone. Yes, she is having problems with her hubby. Yes, she drinks a lot ani tyo pani without any paani.... and she is a Raja-badi! So what.... kinuh tauko dookhnay.... ho! Afno kaam garney ni!

Now, let's get back to the story of the day.. hehe! Baburam is a good man. He has like Rs 14,233.22 in the bank. Bhaako purkhauli jagga pani chori ko naam ma diye chan. Good! I think Baburam should now focus on cleaning Bagmati. If he can do that, then he will probably be the first Maharaja of Newa Rajya hola.. hehe! Abuh caretaker bhaye pachi kehi kura ko tuh take care garnoos nuh Dr. Saheb!

Garmi ko mausam cha.... Dr. Saheb, kakro dherai khaanoos, watermelon pani.... ani tension naw-linoos. Gorkha baatuh tuh jahiley pani jit-nai ho. Makune jasto hoinuh ni! Maathi ko photo hay-rey ruh haas utcha hola.

I don't just get it sometimes... our netas and netinis started out as 'angry young men or naariz' .. they really wanted to bring tyo change sange hola ni ... ani dherai lay sacrifice tuh garya pani ho and then some got lucky and became mantris and pradhan-mantris pani! Taruh sabai lai lastuh ma karyakarta paalnai paryo, afno manchey lai bharti garnai paryo!

I think there is something wrong with our Kathmandu ko paani! Janta haroo lai jahiley pani pet ko dukhai... neta haroo ko chahi buddhi nai bhrasta hoonay!

In 2022, Baburam will still be the same. Hisila Didi.. I don't know but she will stand by her man even if she's wearing Jimmy Choo high heels then. But where will our Prachando Baba be? I don't know... since he is already a Shree Aath Maharaja, maybe the 5th Constituent Assembly then.... will decide to abolish 'Pracho-narcy' hola ni.

Guff haak-naw garo hoo-do rahecha ni baani chootay pachi... hehe! Trying to get back to daily guff suff because if I don't then I might spontaneously combust hola! And my coach tells me... 'Get a grip.... You.. Beta... You!' And no we are not talking about Aerosmith ko 11th studio album hehe!

Four years and wasting.....

It took our clowns four years and 9 Arab (no not the middle-eastern ones kya!) and they still couldn't get their act together hagi! Khoi kay bhanney... our smartypant, board-first wallah didn't come first this tyam. I think we should blame our uncle Prachandu nai hola! Emperor lay sabai lai ghoom-au naw khojya... aroo lay nai ghoomai diyo Shree Aath Sarkar lai!

After all, if Baburam had somehow gotten all the Madeshis and other morons together to go for the first draft of the so-called constitution then he would still be wearing 'always first' tag !

Anyways, let me try to be a political analyst like the rest of our folks! Everybody is a political analyst in this land of yours and ours! It only takes a cup of special 'chiya' at them local chiya pasals and then you can go on a rant for like 33.2 minutes kya.... then the chiya pasal-ni will be like 'you want another cup of tea or do you want me to kick you out of the tea-shed?' hehe!

If our clowns had given us the first draft of the constitution then we would have the Madhesis, Indigenous and nearly every other different ethnic fronts (aroo pani tuh cha ni.... ) going crazy with more bandas and what not hola! Swami Mick Jagger once said 'You can't always get what you want' or something like that.

Somebody is not going to be happy ni. Baroo no constitution and now everybody is trying to figure out what to do next.. hehe! Now our budo-clowns the Nepali Kangaroos and the Unidentified Moronic Losers (UML) want Baburam to step aside so that they can run the show until the next elections!

Well, only the Maoists and the Madeshis have saved some dough for the next elections kya! So I think the NC and the UML should get their chance to make some money so that they can win some seats hola! They want the President to save the country rey. Abuh kay ko state of emergency laagoo garney ni.... I don't think the aliens have begun their invasion yet!

Abuh NC ruh UML ko paalo gayo! Yes, Kamal uncle seems to be the only guy who is happy with Baburam's idea of another election... hehe! Kamal dai lay tuh bhanya ho ni... choonab garoom ki referendum. Abuh feri arko 9 Arab khaaney holan tuh sabai so-called CA II ka members haroo lay!

Kamal dai knows that jay garey pani... we are not having Gyanu Uncle back! But he keeps on singing the same tune.... He doesn't like them steaks or any of them secular stuff kya! Gyanu Uncle would have ruled for the next 50 years if he had googled 'Steve Jobs' then!

Yes, instead of increasing your bhatta from 10 to 60 crores.. he should have said 'Janta haroo ho... I will only take a Rupee.. and that's it!' .... pachi sabai thula thula tender baatuh 10% khaye hoon-thyo ni!

But of course, now we have spent more than we could have if we still had the House of Shah but then we wouldn't have so many TV channels and Miss 'Everything' beauty pageants if the King was still around ni! But we sure miss him now because we really don't have anyone to blame for all our problems! Blame our clowns.. khoi.. hami lay nai pathako ho kyaaaruh haami lai nai loot-nuh!

I think our Uncle G should take some of the notes from them playbook of our Indian Maharajas. Everybody from Gwalior to Kashmir to UP ... sabai ka former raja haroo are now MPs in them Desi Parliament kya! Abuh ko Naya Nepal ma Gyanu Uncle lay pani party kholey hooncha!

The Madhesi netas left them NC and UML and formed their own Madhes-based parties and look at them now. They got all them lucrative ministries and koorchi ma bas-nuh paa chai-nuh paisa khaney ki rookh kaatney ki hospital ko saa-maan bechney ki karmarchari lai saruwa garney matra kura .. ani kya maja-ley ghee-chyo ni hagi!

I think our so-called Indigenous netas will also quit them so-called budo parties and form their own JanJati parties! Yes, that's the only way they will ever get to be them mantris and make some dough as well.... so NC and UML will be like our RPPs.... former pancheys bhanya jhai... former prajantara-baadis bhaney hooncha!

Abuh ko Naya Naya Nepal (Yes, Naya Part II soo-roo bhayo ni abuh!).. ma it will be the Madhesis, the Maoists and the Indigenous parties having some fun! Bam Dev can go to India and take a course or two from Ram Dev. Jhallu Baba should go back to Ilam and I don't know.... be a school teacher and open a tea farm hola!

Madhav Nepal is just happy because as a former Prime Minister, he already has a new ride, free petrol and security pani! Abuh arko choonab jitney hoinuh kyaaruh.... lau makune moaz garr! Yes, hamro government lay feri diney bhaye ni.. sabai Bhoo-Poo PM haroo lai .. them free goodies! Ani Lokey uncle ruh Surya baajey lay pani gaadi paye chan!

So... another 6 months of nautanki natak..... and then choonab.. ani feri arko CA hola ni! I think our netas will keep on showing us the same natak for the next twenty years ... 2022 ma chahi... we will probably have our constitution but all of us would probably have left the country by then !

Baroo sabai jana 10 barsa ko laagi bidesh gaye hooncha... ani hay-room nuh kasari talab paakcha yee mora sarkaari hakim haroo ko! Aakhir hamrai kar tirya paisa khaney tuh ho ni bhatey chor neta ruh hakim haroo lay!

Jay bhaye pani.... it's about tyam somebody started a 'capitalist' party. I wouldn't join because I am a born-again anarchist hehe but I think we have had enough of them socialist and communist crap-wallahs! Baroo.... Capitalist Are Right Party (CARP) kholay hooncha! But don't just put Donald Trump ko poster ni feri! Baroo Warren Buffet ko chahi hooncha hai!

Ki chahi baroo aroo ko copy nai garnoo cha bhaney... Singapore ko Lee Kwan Yew baajey ko copy garey hooncha. Nepal ma pani People's Action Party (PAP) kholay hooncha. Then all the mundrey gundas lai chaak ma korra haan-ney ni!

Sabai neta haroo pani parcha ... baroo live telecast garey kaso hola... or we can do it in Rangasala... while we munch on them paani pooris and swallow like 4 vyar vyar momos at once... while the cane-master canes them chors!

After all, we all want to make some money hoinuh ruh! Ek dui paisa baw-naam, ali ali mitho khaam, garmi ma pankha kinum, jaado ma duita siraak... gaas baas ruh kapaas matruh tuh ho ni. Hami sabai lai tender sender ma mundrey gunda lai hire garey ruh karod karod khanoo chaina. Land Rover chadney rey.... manchey haroo khanaw na payeko desh ma 1 karod ko gaadi chawd-nuh laaz laagnoo parney ho... afno bau ko paisa hos ye lootya paisa kya!

Who really wants to work in a commune and dance all night? I would .. but of course... ek dui mahina matra ramailo hola ni! Rolpa , Dolpa ma kehi garey nuh Mao-baadi lay.... ghanta ko people's war... pee on the people war nai bhayo ani abuh dheki halyo ni.. rip-off-the-public (republic) maa!

I am sick and tired of them communist wallahs and their 'Mao-Stalin-Lenin' posters... MaSaLe hehe! No, I am not talking about them former undeground Masal wallahs who joined the Maoist party or hey... Ma Saale sounds like a gaali paani rahecha.

I have no freaking idea what I am writing today.. it's been a long tyam kya! Jay Hos.... Muh chahi 'Nepal Hisab Kitab Party' kholney plan ma choo! All we will do is ask for them hisaab kitaab, debit credit, joad-ghatau etiyaadi! The first thing we should do now is go to all them CA members ko ghar or dera or goat (not the khasi, tyo kay bhancha animal shed bhanya!).

Then we ring a bell like them 'Salvation Army' wallahs hehe.. and then sing a song .... 'Ye Bhaatey or Mori.... paisa firta dey hamro' ... luh geet ko first line tuh lekhi diye abuh tyehi Acharya brothers haroo lai geet gau-nuh bolau-ney ho ki!

And let us stop blaming India for all our problems. Baroo read Seto Baagh again.... that's when it all started... desh ko dhukuti khaney chalan.. so maybe we should ask our friends at them Pulchowk Engineering Campus to build a time machine.. we can go back in tyam and save Shree Tin Ranodip .. haha! Yestai ho... sabai ko din aucha... 104 barsa pani gayo, 240 barsa pani gayo, 30 barsa pani gayo, 20 barsa pani... sabai ko palo aucha... taruh hamro chahi .. hehe.. yestai rahecha yeha ko chalan!

A banda to ban all bandas?

The Banda season is in full swing so I guess our tourists will have to leave now. Our banda wallahs want to top each other and make our lives miserable. The Priestly and Warrior castes are now in the indigenous list. It’s good to be in the ‘list’ than be left in the ‘others’ section ni.

What about our LGTBI community?. The Home Ministry has finally agreed to give them citizenship under the ‘others’ category. Maybe they should also carry out a banda and demand their own state hola. Since everybody wants one, why not give them a piece of the pie as well? Everyone wants their rights. But of course, nobody seems to be interested in fulfilling their responsibilities.

And then we had our ‘original’ indigenous crowd shutting down the country for three days. I think they just wanted us to spend some quality family time and not wander out in the streets.

But we can only stay home for a day and be a happy family and after that we all need our space kya. Kids can’t stand them Desi serials. Parents can’t understand why their kids are glued to their laptops all day, watching YouTube videos. Then it gets complicated and then we will need them netas in our homes to have us sign the TV-sharing agreement.

The ‘indigenous’ wallahs wanted us to stay home and recover from inhaling them particles from dusty roads. I think some of us were productive cleaning our homes but when the domestic help doesn’t show up then it’s more of a crisis for many Kathmanduites.

Even the cycle-wallahs didn’t get any breaks this time. The previous Banda wallahs were into hawa-fuskaaing … but ‘Indie’ crowd dismantled them cycles in less than 60 seconds. After the cycle is banged, thrashed and flung over quite a distance, it will probably take an aeronautical engineer to fix it.

The media wallahs were attacked. Ambulances weren’t spared either. The patrakars had to make sure they left their homes with their IDs but even that wasn’t enough to satisfy them banda wallahs. I think our patrakars should stop writing about our netas, their chamchas and their nataks. All them banda wallahs are affiliated to our political parties. So, at the end of the day, we the people get played by our netas! I guess the joke is on us .. as usual!

Maybe our media should just boycott all them press meets and mass meetings and what not. Our netas can use their own chamchas to upload their guff suff on YouTube ni. Rishi Dhamala should close down his ‘shop’ and do the ‘Great Himalayan Trail’ trek or something.

And we really have to thank our police wallahs for doing their job. They were on duty for 20 hours a day during the recent banda rey. The government has even decided to give them Rs 200 per day as ‘banda’ over-time allowance. Great… maybe they should be paid more to just stay home. After all, why spend our money, wearing them Robo-Cop outfits and do nothing as rowdies vandalize vehicles and attack people on the streets?

Everyone expected the FNCCI’s peace rally to show them clowns that not all of us are into division or multiplication. Some of us just want to go to work, pay our bills and have enough water in our buckets to take a quick shower when we get back home. The sequel did not live up to the hype. The indigenous crowd had their own rally at Basantapur so we had to move to Durbar Marg.

FNCCI should have enough dough to rent Rangasala for a day. I guess they are saving their budget for the ‘Investment Year’ thing hola. Even Rajesh Dai was in the crowd. I think the best song for them peace rallies would be late Michael Dai ko ‘ They don’t care about us’ . Somebody should come out with a Nepali translation, tyo pani Dohori style ma.

Maybe FNCCI should have asked our advertising agencies to come up with something creative. How about everybody showing up at the Emperor’s palace in Lazimpat and blowing vuvuzelas all day long?

Well, our clowns want to extend the term of the CA again. The Supreme Court tells them to stop it and give us a new constitution or start again. What were our buffoons doing all this time?

Everybody has carried out bandas in the past few weeks except our mothers. I think it’s now time for all the women in Nepal to take to the streets to carry out a banda to ban all bandas … except the ladies from our government colleges who are more skilled in stone-throwing than their male counterparts! Dear clowns, you may not listen to the people or the court but at least listen to your mothers, wives and girlfriends kya!

She is gone....

“You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.” -DH

Do they really care about us?

The far-western region has been shut down for the past two weeks and our so-called government is not worried about the shortage of food and medicine in the region. Well, our netas get free cooking gas and petrol from our hakim sahebs and they can always take an air ambulance or hop on a plane to foreign lands for medical treatment at our expense ni.

Our government sends hundreds of police wallahs to thrash both homeowners and landless families in the Capital but is scared to deploy security personnel to break them bandas. After all, most of them banda wallahs are affiliated to the major political parties and you don’t want to thrash your vote bank ki kaso?

And now, we have hundreds of ‘struggle committees’ around the country, carrying out bandas to pressure the political parties to address their demands. We, the people, are not asking for much. We are not expecting gaas, baas, and kapaas from our clowns. We just don’t want bandas anymore.

We just want to send our kids to school and be able to buy a packet of noodles or chuira or sugary-juice for their tiffin kya. We want to go to the hospital when we are sick and we want to take a bus to visit our relatives. Even the banda organisers got stuck somewhere due to the banda rey.

While the rest of the folks don’t have any food or medicine, these ‘struggle’ wallahs seem to have a direct supply line somewhere. Or maybe they just stored enough food to last them a month or two. And our police wallahs are busy doing nothing. Even they seem to have no fuel and food. I guess they will just have to stay inside them police stations and talk politics like the rest of us.

Dr Saheb, didi, and our Emperor visited the villages hit by the Seti Flood. I think someone needs to remind our comrades that showing up for a photo op and announcing some relief package is not going to cut it. Our government officials still haven’t figured out how many are missing and the local authorities have not even been to the villages hit by the flood. What are they waiting for? Maybe they want a free heli-ride like our netas hola ni.

And our great priestly and warrior castes are not happy with being in the ‘others’ list. They really want to join the crowd and be added to the ‘indigenous’ bandwagon. Thank god they haven’t demanded a province of their own or else we might have to declare the Pashupatinath area an autonomous region as well. But they should not worry too much...we may disintegrate into 420 kingdoms and have new maharajas, but they will need the courtiers to run their countries ni. So there will be jobs and riches for the ‘wise’ ones.

Some folks are happy that our municipality wallahs have finally evicted them folk living along the banks of Bagmati river in Thapathali. Now, some of our real estate wallahs can once again pay someone at the maal-poat to register that land in their names hola. The government can build them parks now or they can use it to train our security personnel on chemical or biological warfare. You need a gas mask to hang out around Bagmati today and nobody is really interested in cleaning the river anyway. If one can stand along the banks for 15 minutes then it will probably clear your sinuses. Maybe Ram Dev Baba should organise a Yoga Fest. Let’s see if he can stand the smell without doing his headstand or something.

We all know that you should not encroach public land unless you are transferring wealth from the feudal lords to the ‘people’ like our comrades, but why did our municipality wallahs let them folks build those houses there in the first place? Well, it all comes down to Dashain kharcha hola ni. And now we have a former Mayor to look after them bato ghato and what not. Keshav dai wants to clean up the Bagmati river. He wants to build parks for lovers so that they can dream about their future without wearing gas masks. He wants to move them petrol pumps outside the ring road area. I think he should add them government colleges and ministries on his list as well.

It would be better if we just appoint him the mayor of the Valley. And the first thing he should do is ask our clowns to move out of BICC so that we can use it for expos, parties, and conferences. And where will our CA clowns go? They can all hang out at Thapathali along the banks of the Bagmati.

Corrupt Chors & Conscience

Our dishonorable former minister and now, a former convict, Wagle dai should be nominated for the Nobel Prize or something. Well, the natak outside the Dillibazar jail upon his release looked like he had just won one of them lucky prizes from our major dailies.

A foreign tourist on an extra-tight budget looking for local vyar vyar momos in the area would have mistaken Wagle, with all those khadas, for a mountaineer who had successfully climbed Everest. And the former convict was grinning happily as if he had won an election and was about to go around town for a victory rally.

I think our tourism entrepreneurs should take out a rally in the Valley to protest such gross misuse of khadas. It looks nice on our tourists as they get the khada welcome and a free drink. I guess we use khadas for everything now.

Attend a wedding and you will find the newly-weds with khadas growing around their necks. It’s all good because it’s the beginning of a life-long relationship for them and they are being blessed ni.

Go to an inauguration of an event or school or some expo and you will find that everyone has been khada-fied. Now, that’s not good because most of the political VIPs gathered at the dais are not worthy to be blessed. But of course, God is not like a ‘Nepali’ politician who only blesses his cousins, cadres and contractors!

God does not discriminate but Kamal dai should practice some more and conquer the tennis world rather than going around town, braying for Lord Vishnu’s comeback! Sorry…I meant praying hai! What has happened to this land of yours and ours? The chors are busy celebrating while the common citizens are meekly counting change after spending all their salaries for a little gaas, a small baas and a few kapaas!

And then we have our Parshuram, the bus conductor turned gangster turned local contractor turned political youth leader. The don from Biratnagar surrendered to the police this week after hiding for months. He was wanted for

sending his goons to attack his rival and a journalist from a major daily as well. The former khalasi turned khalnayak now has a beer belly and a funny mustache like some actor in them South Indian movies. We can all bet our pocket change that this guy wasn’t hiding in some bunker. He was probably holed up in some hotel enjoying mutton curry and beer hola.

Someday, this ‘Pashu’ will probably be a national leader of a political party or he might make enough dough from his ‘tender’ skills to form his own party. Well, the don has been granted bail and he was seen walking around the court house wearing a fool-maala…I guess bhai tika came early for this guy! And he is celebrating as well because he didn’t have to go to Mamaghar and play card games all day with the constables.

Everybody is into restructuring these days. And now, Chief Saab wants to restructure the army. I think our national army has taken a cue from the politicised police wallahs. Yes, we need more Generals in the army because the Majors are not getting promoted anytime soon kyaaruh.

By the time we are done with dividing our country into provinces, we will probably need thousands of new vehicles for all them provincial assembly ministers and NOC will finally go bankrupt after supplying free fuel to millions of freeloaders and their cousins.

Then all of us will have to live near the Indian border so that we can just walk to the nearest Indian petrol pump with our jerry cans to get some fuel hola ni. And if you are not from the same province then you will probably have to pay out-of-state tax to get a can of petrol hola ni.

We are a small country and we are proud of it. The Sheiks in Dubai can spend billions of dollars to create a fake mountain but God has given us the original stuff. But if you are really into science, then thank plate tectonics.

Now it looks like our netas really have an inferiority complex. Size does not matter hoinuh ruh? I guess our netas want to match the size of the government, cabinet and them gaadis with their egos. I think it’s about time our clowns get free vouchers to visit shrinks and get some counseling.

And now they are more worried about forming a new government than wrapping things up. It took them four years to figure out that it would be better if we had a national consensus government with a small twin-otter cabinet than a jumbo one. What we need now is a ‘national conscience’ government!