Let us all congratulate our competent policewallahs for launching their Quick Reponse Team! Now, all Valley citizens can expect our cops to show up at their homes in less than sixty seconds if somebody tries to run off with their tolas of gold or with the bottle of Dalley Khursani outside your kitchen.
The cops now have eight new motorcycles, and the tag team will show up at your door if you happen to live in a galli or place where no functional fire engine or police van can reach. I hope the Home Ministry will provide jerkins of fuel to the biker cops, or else the bikes will be rusting like our municipality trucks.
Instead of motorcycles or even cycles, skateboards would probably be the perfect fit for our mobile cops. You don’t have to worry about fuel or air, ni. But thanks to our sarkar’s road widening projects, our cops might need hiking boots and walking sticks if they want to get to the crime scene at the earliest.
The fuel crisis is here, and the price hike didn’t increase the supply, and the price revisions seem to have made it worse. Our byaparis are probably busy hoarding petroleum products because black market prices get you better returns on your investment, ni.
We have no batti for 14 hours a day but still we can charge our mobiles, watch the latest Holly-Bolly-Jolly DVDS and microwave our popcorn at 2 in the morning, ni.
We have no water for five days a week. But if we can afford it, then a water tanker will deliver gooey water to your home. And for those who can’t, we can shower every few days as long as our body odor is not as potent enough as some chemical weapons.
We have no fuel but we can walk to work and maybe lose a few pounds or strengthen our muscles. But if you live on the other side of town, then it’s time to get a bicycle or maybe a skateboard, nai.
And now the cooking gas shortage has hit us all. Even CA members are going hungry, rey. Now that’s not good. It’s okay if the public starves but we can’t let our honorable lawmakers survive on water and bread or noodles, ni.
Instead of taking telephone and Internet allowances, maybe our CA members should ask the government for Cooking Gas Allowance, hola.
I think we can walk to work but we can’t work on a hungry stomach, ni. So what do we do now? If the government keeps on selling them fuel for less than the international market prices, then we will all be joining Appa Dai and his friends for the Great Himalayan Trail Trek, hola.
It would be like going back the past, hagi? Like our forefathers, we will walk all the way to Pokhara for some music festival and we might have to stay overnight at some paati if we have some work in Bhaktapur.
So now is the time to finally go “green”! The government should instead give us two cows or buffaloes so that we won’t have to worry about the increase in milk prices and we can then have our own portable methane plant at home for the cooking gas as well.
We were supposed to shower with Melamchi ko paani many years ago. It won’t get here in our lifetime but let’s be hopeful.
Maybe our grandkids will finally get to taste the water of Melamchi, and instead of showering, they will probably get a cup or two.
They can use it to pour it on their heads while they walk to school, work or to some marriage party, ni.
The government should provide us all with subsidized water tankis so that we can harvest rainwater. We should get free solar panels so we can light our homes, get to watch “Tito Satya” and recharge our mobiles.
And since we have pretty big buildings all over the city now, our “visionary” municipality wallahs should hold off the road-widening project for now and build cable bridges.
Yes, aerial ropeways will solve our problems. We don’t need to walk, we might need sturdy arms but for the kids and senior citizens, we can get a pilot like for them paragliding stuff, ni.
So let’s go through the list again. We’ll get two bhainsis or gais. Milk crisis solved and so the shortage of cooking gas can be minimized. Rainwater harvesting will at least help us shower at least once every two days, hola, and solar power will help us recharge our mobiles and get a few more hours of batti.
And once we use them aerial ropeways, our Comrades won’t be blaming the city slickers for being sukila mukila.
We will all be one; rural and urban people using the Tuin to get to work, schools and marketplace, kya.