Friday, January 27, 2012

State of the (Student) Union

Don’t mess with our great students who study in government campuses. They are our future ‘visionary’ politicians, ‘hardworking’ public servants and ‘competent’ police officers. And it’s good that finally our public students are united, regardless of their political affiliation. But alas, it was only for them torch rallies and shutdowns.

Students should occupy all parks and government offices and set up camp. It’ll save on rent, and the city landlords won’t be making an extra thousand for a room, the size of a shoebox.

Why not occupy Nepal Oil Corporation and then stop free fuel to the politicians? If our students can’t do that, then they can occupy the microbuses and get free rides instead. But then all the bus-wallahs have their unions and they too are affiliated to political parties, kyaaruh.

Dr. Saheb could’ve really pacified the students if he had asked for thousands of bicycles from the Chinese. Then they wouldn’t have to worry about fuel price hikes, and one day they will have enough mass to demand cycle lanes across the city.

And when holding torch rallies, our students should hang some masu on the torch and by the time they are done running around the city, they can just take the sekuwa out and enjoy the snack, kya.

Instead of polluting the environment, maybe the Chinese can give us thousands of solar torches, baroo, and free packets of White Rabbit chocolate for our students.

Maybe it’s about time we moved our government campuses away from the main streets of Kathmandu. And have you noticed that there are always garages and mechanic workshops right in front of them campuses? We mustn’t be surprised when tyres roll and vehicles are set on fire as students have easy access to used tyres and jerkins of petrol from the nearby workshops, ni.

And all the government offices should also be moved to the outskirts of the Valley so that both the sarkar and students can battle it out in the same neighborhood over their differences.

At least ordinary citizens won’t have to breathe in poisonous fumes and be stranded in the middle of nowhere every time a bunch of students decide to hold an impromptu burning man festival in the middle of the road.

Like our netas, our student union leaders aren’t really interested to help the ‘real’ students. The ‘public’ students have a hard time finding accommodation. Why not ask for affordable public hostels for all students from outside the Valley? The Singha Durbar could be turned into a grand hostel for all ‘public’ students.

Instead of letting the ‘real’ students study and finish their studies in time, our student unions disrupt exams and help their own ‘voting’ crowd instead of the genuine students who have traveled from their remote districts to get education in the capital.

While the real students are in their early 20s, our student leaders have kids old enough to study in medical colleges. It’s about time we had an age limit for student union leaders and our netas as well.

If you are 30, then you better step up into national politics than sticking around in campuses and using the young and beautiful crowd to throw stones and burn tyres around the city.

And when you reach 60, all Comrades can visit China and enjoy the same hike as Chairman Mao did during his Long March, or something. Congressis can settle down in Varanasi and open a museum there, and Madhesi leaders can relax in their farmhouses across the border.

The government is planning to provide discounts to our ‘public’ students. They will get cheaper kerosene and cooking gas, rey. Maybe our student unions should ask for ‘subsidized’ meals for the students and they can utilize their time to focus on their studies instead.

We can ask our army and police tenderwallahs to supply ration to our students. The food might be substandard but it’s edible as we can see how energetic our policewallahs are when they start swinging their bamboo sticks and attacking students, monks and ordinary citizens.

It’s about time city slickers started organizing themselves as well or else we might all have to occupy the riverbanks in the Valley once all our houses are demolished.

Dr. Saheb has some knowledge on urban planning, but so far it looks like we’ll be living with torn down walls, houses bulldozed in half and no pavements for years to come. Nepal Tourism Board should ask Hollywood wallahs to visit Kathmandu and they can use our concrete pile of mess as their backdrop for them war flicks.

And let us all hope that when our public students become our politicians, public servants and police wallahs in 2020, they will have used these experiences to do good for the country. But the question is: Will we still have a country by then?

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