Operation Lumbini

Our “competent” government will be launching “Visit Lumbini Year 2012” tomorrow at the birthplace of Lord Buddha. If only our “visionary” public servants had any vision, then they wouldn’t have let as many cement factories and brick kilns compete with them bideshi monasteries, ki kaso?

While them monasteries offer tranquility, the polluting industries contribute to environmental degradation and spoil the serenity of Lumbini. But our sarkari hakims always think backwards.

They let people live on our capital’s riverbanks and now they want to evict them. They let people build homes by the main roads and now they want to demolish them houses. What were our municipality-wallahs doing then? I guess they were all away on foreign junkets, hola ni.

If our so-called leaders have any guts, then they should first demolish all them cement factories and brick kilns in the Lumbini area before widening our city roads so that more motorcycles and microbuses can ply on the roads while pedestrians have nowhere to walk.

Yes, all those who break the rules must be punished. We aren’t above the law but you can bend the rules if you’re a politician, public servant or the police.

Our political parties flout the laws and don’t submit their annual chiya kharcha report on time. How come they don’t have to pay fines and stuff? Maybe somebody should run to the Supreme Court and ask our Justices to force them to disclose who their big moneybags are? Or maybe we should just go through the VAT-evaders list?

Our public servants still move them files based on who you know or if you happen to come from the same village as the hakim sahib. You don’t need to know the CDO or the SP; things will get easier even if you happen to know the Nayab Subba or the Hawaldar.

Our police are very competent at catching drug mules but can’t seem to locate a kidnapped byapari who comes home after paying croresko ransom.

If them factories are forced to relocate, then our byaparis would probably get compensated for it because they are the ones who contribute “donations” to our political parties.

Our squatters will probably get something because they have contributed themselves for them political rallies and banda stuff but homeowners in the city will get zilched.

So it’s about time all homeowners unite and start their own “struggle committee” hola. How about only shutting down your own neighborhood so that the bulldozers and our men in blue can’t come in and act like goons?

Dr. Saheb and his “competent” gang should focus on the Peace Process and writing the Constitution instead of acting like a Mayor and Ward chairpersons, kya. Leave it to the locals and hold local elections instead of turning our roads into piles of concrete mess like it has been struck by some unmanned US drone.

If our microbuses didn’t wiggle like snakes and the bikers stopped squeezing into an inch of open space like a model trying to squeeze into a corset, then we wouldn’t really have traffic jams, ni. Or maybe we should just have one-way streets in the Valley.

But of course, we don’t have fuel for our vehicles or even batti to recharge them electric mopeds. And why are we spending millions on foreign companies trying to study if a metro system is feasible in the capital? Why not let the Manakamana Cable-wallahs build cable cars all around the city, baroo?

NEA got its debts written off. NOC wants the same deal, too. Looks like only the competent ones get free meals, wheels and deals, hagi.

We have a bloated bureaucracy and a little bit of antacid isn’t going to cure the inefficiency and waste. Instead of reforming the system, our netas have done everything they can to deform it beyond any possible repair.

Our comrades only know about purges and wish for a “mass uprising” but seem to be busy throwing paper missiles at each other. Our so-called democrats have already shown us that they, too, can organize a “burning man” festival as efficiently as the Commies. And our Madheshi leaders can’t seem to stop the urge to ask for commissions for everything.

And the biggest joke or the “just another ill-prepared” natak is the “Nepal Investment Year” campaign. Let’s forget the bideshis for a second. Aren’t we all tired of all them blue-plated smarty pants and bhukka tourists?

Maybe, we should stop kissing, begging or even bugging foreigners for spare change. Let’s promote domestic tourism and domestic investment, nai baroo! We don’t need the Chinese to build a mega resort in Lumbini. We don’t need Shah Rukh Khan or Rekha to promote the birthplace of Buddha.

Just open a Facebook page, “You are not a Nepali if you don’t visit Lumbini,” and then see what happens. Maybe it’s time somebody taught the guerillas about guerilla marketing, kya.